Dark Side Day

I agree with all these guys said before me, so instead I'll focus on what I enjoyed about your poem!

I liked your use of vocabulary. It creates a very dark imagery, giving the impression of fantasy, even. I happen to love fantasy, so it's especially appealing to me! Also, the way you describe this "Dark Side Day" makes them very invulnerable, which would be empowering to whatever "members" it had. Now, if only I knew what Dark Side Day meant...

So focus on the things they said, and keep at it!

Hi there, red_helix7! I'm COnrad Rice, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So, when I first read this poem, the first thing I thought was, "My goodness, this is a lot like a Dragonforce song." There are a lot of the same stylistic choices and themes, including the lack of being very specific of just what the work is about.

But whereas Dragonforce has awesome guitar playing to disguise that, this poem is forced to stand on its own two feet. And, as such, I think that you need to tighten up on just what this poem really is about. Elaborate on who the "we" is and on the events surrounding the Dark Side Day. Tell us a story about it. That will make this a lot better.

You've got an interesting start, but you still have some work to do. PM me if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

I have to agree with the other two that this poem has no cohesive theme. What is the poem about exactly? Maybe you could change some of the lines so that it becomes more obvious to us readers what you are trying to convey.

When you punctuate poetry you punctuate it just like you would prose. If you were to write this poem in paragraph form you would add commas and periods where it is most natural to pause. And you don't need to capitalise every line unless of course they are following a period, exclamation point, or question mark.

There was good in this poem as well, I really liked the line about the stars being blemishes. Good job!

To tell you the truth, I don't understand it at all.
Who is "we" I understand that you are comparing "we" to the "Dark Side Day" but other than that I don't get it.
Maybe some punctuation would help out. A few commas and semi-colons would make a big difference.
If you added a bit more detail including the punctuation, it would make more sense. Try to explain what you mean by more details and then it would be easier to understand.

It has a good ring to it, but I don't understand the point of it.

Is it supposed to be illogical?

Secondly, it is in desperate need for some simple formatting and punctuation.

Try putting it into smaller stanzas; one big chunk of text is pretty daunting to read.

Also, you really need to put in some punctuation, a comma or period, semicolon here and there. If you make these few changes, you're a lot more likely to get people to read it.

Also, I just don't understand what you're trying to say.