Will You?

Recycled soul ,
You have just impinged the feel of your content righteously. I just got assimilated on what you are about to... but still punctuation didn't work out well.....I would suggest you to edit your work and re-post it for your piece of work will look awesomatic in addition to it.

my favorite lines are thus..:

" what do you see?
beyond these imprisoned eyes
some imprisoned dreams, dreaming to be free "

but ,

"some wishes locked in a wooden box"
this line looks somewhat destructive to your wide thoughts.....you might have chosen something else than a wooden box. (this is not the mistake i am pointing out , but expressing my view).....

these lines are bit aggressive to me ,

" but like every other story, it's gotta end
somehow, someday. "

when you desire for something and when you are speaking about attire ,why do you want to end up bitterly ?....that too like everybody else'

Anyways ,your content is well conveyed and convinced .Frankly said ,if this writing was mentioned to me by any cause i would have rather given a desperate reaction of liking towards the poetry.

Ok. Just some general things:

Structure:
I would break this up into stanzas.
When it is longer like this it is easier for the reader to follow if it is broken up. Just seperate stanzas by ideas, or when you move on to a different train of thought.

Grammar:
Work on capitilizing words that need it. The poem is just sentances artfully arranged. Also, commas needed to be added onto the end of some of these lines. For example it could be:

"Look me in the eye,
What do you see?"

Content:
I found some of this borderline cliche. Be very sure to keep clear away from these. Examples of this are "kept in a corner of my heart". Some other lines have been heard before, and when you write poetry, you want it to stand out and be different from something others have seen and heard before.

Imagery:
I think you did well with this for the most part, but I think you could add more. Remember, you want to convey the message, and to do that you must mess with the readers emotions and senses.

Overall, it needs some work. You still have a little ways to go, but remember: with time and practice comes skill. Good luck.
~Kay

Absolutely fantastic! I must say, you've got talent. Although I would have loved to see a few more stanzas. Moreover, the kind of expressions that you have used are mightily impressive. This is a fantastic piece. Keep it up!

Hi recycledsoul! Fantastic username, by the way, and welcome to YWS!

Overall, I think this is a lovely piece with some gripping images. I'm going to have to agree with the others regarding punctuation, stanzas, and capital letters. While there are no hard and fast rules about these in poems, I think sticking to convention in this case would make it easier to follow.

The repetition in the first few lines has already been noted. I think the beginning is generally weak compared to the rest of the piece. I like the idea of imprisoned dreams, so perhaps you can work off that.

or swim down the ocean of my memories

or will you just disappear like a cold day's fog
leaving behind a few drops in my way

Just some general pointers -

1. Punctuate your poetry: even in poetry, sentences are sentences. So don't forget to put in the necessary full stops or semi-colons. Punctuation helps tell us how to read your work, where to pause or partially pause etc.

2. Avoid repetition of words: use of synonyms might help. For eg.

look me in the eye,
what do you see?
beyond these imprisoned eyes

beyond these imprisoned eyes
some imprisoned dreams, dreaming to be free

some imprisoned dreams, dreaming to be free

Hi there! Roxy here!

I really like the poem and the emotion running through it! The insecurity of entering a new relationship is very relatable and very well done!

I do think that you should insert a few capital letters however! I found it a little distracting to read because of this ( that could just be me though!)

I think that you have some nice imagry here! I love the lines
"will you just disappear like a cold day's fog
leaving behind a few drops in my way"
Theyre very vivid images!

However I do feel that you could switch your vocabulary up in a few places such as
"beyond these imprisoned eyes
some imprisoned dreams,"
the sentiment is good, but you shouldnt really use imprison twice so close together!

Overall I really did enjoy this poem however!
Keep on writing!

This title caught my eye, so Shar-rae is here with a review or just a random comment.

'are kept in a corner of my heart'
don't think you need the are it sounds better without it

Okay so I kind of can and kind of now see why this is titled Will you?
Oksy so maybe you have that will there, and it fits, but to me I think you need to change the title. When I said that the title caught my eye it did. I thought you were going to talk bout love or something, even though that's what the last little bit is.

But over all I really did like this. Love even.

~:D LOVES HER SOME RANDOM ~

Recycledsoul;

First off, I love your username, haha! Anyways, back to business: I liked it, I liked it a lot! I'd like to tell you that I don't particularly correct grammar or spelling errors so don't expect that in my review, thank you.

Anyways, the poem was great. I can tell you've written before. Your imagery is amazing, the way you describe the eyes and how you just tell a story through me is awesome. The wishes, the want, the dreams are all so clearly written and to the point. It's never good to beat around the bush and if you knew me, you'd know I like short and sweet and this is just the definition of what I love!

You've got a way with words and I'm looking forward to more from you! Great job and keep writing c: