What If..

by recycledsoul

Published May 11, 2013

12+
What if we could live forever? 
What if we could never cry?
What if there were no boundaries?
What if we could fly ?
What if we all shared a dream,
and we never had a haunting past?
What if happiness could go on forever
and the pain could never last?
What if we all had someone
to hold hands and smile?
What if we were all busy doing something
that made our lives worthwhile?
What if there was no sleep, no rest
and everyday was a new story?
What if none of us was a failure
and we all had our own moments of glory?
What if no one was poor?
What if no one was sad?
What if we could keep forever
everything we ever had?
What if there was no envy
and there was no place for greed?
A world full of happy lives.
A beautiful world indeed.
Comments & reviews · 10
User avatar
ChimeraMania
Comment
ChimeraMania commented Comment · May 11, 2013

OMG I love this it's TOTS cool and even though some parts seem like they shouldn't fit in the poem, it stays on topic and I see why you chose the things you did.

I TOTS love your reviews. Let me know about those parts of the poem sometime, I would love to work on them. Cheers :P

Yourmysterygirl wrote a review Review · May 11, 2013

I really like your poem it made me think of a better world but the part that I liked the most was when you wrote "what if no one was poor, what if no one was sad what if we could keep forever everything we ever had what if there was no envy and there was no place for greed". When you wrote this poem did you actually think of a world like that??

Those are my favourite lines too :D yes I did. I always write poems which are kind of sad and dark so my girlfriend told me to write something positive. LOL you can see the outcome for yourself :P

Those are my favourite lines too :D yes I did. I always write poems which are kind of sad and dark so my girlfriend told me to write something positive. LOL you can see the outcome for yourself :P

KatheryneAlyxandera commented Comment · May 11, 2013

I personally love this.
The usage of repetition really makes it catchy and attractive, it pulls the reader in. I also love the subtle use of rhyme, it fits perfectly! The message behind this is absolutely great as well- it's very easy to relate to.
Good job. :)

Thanks Katheryne :) I am glad you liked it. Cheers :)

Thanks Katheryne :) I am glad you liked it. Cheers :)

User avatar
Solita Review
Solita wrote a review Review · May 11, 2013

First poem I've read on this site, and I like it :) The usage of the repetition really keeps the reader's mind turning over the question, and the simplicity is great. You really keep it to-the-point, without being boring...I guess it could be called refined. I think it would be interesting if you actually elaborated on the questions, putting a little of your opinion in there. More detail of the "beautiful world" in your mind would probably make it even better.

I am glad you liked it :P yeah , put my own opinion, tha's something everybody had mentioned and I certainly should have done that :). Thank you. :)

User avatar
roxyask
Review
roxyask wrote a review Review · May 11, 2013

Hi there recycledsoul, Roxy here! :)
Its an interesting concept, I love question poems! :)
But I would love if you tried to give some answers to these questions, just an idea!! :)
I think that you should do all capital letters, it makes the poem look neater and less distracting!
I think that it is a lovely poem, but I think that you could make it even better!
Keep on writing! :)

When you say all capitals do you mean writing the poem in capitals throughout? Hmm that's a nice idea I should have thought of, giving some answers. Anyway, thanks friend for reviewing it, cheers :)

No just starting off each line with a capital! :) I could make for a nice follow up poem if you did that! :) Any time! :)

User avatar
cgirl1118
Review
cgirl1118 wrote a review Review · May 11, 2013

Wow this was a great poem! I like the pattern where you ask a question and then kind of answer it. This was a great idea for a poem. I love the idea of a world like that. I can just imagine it. Especially when it says, "What if we could fly?". Sometimes for me I have trouble with poems. However this one was very easy to comprehend. This was a great poem and can't wait to read more of your pieces. :)

hey thanks :) Yeah my poems are always utterly simple so I don't think you'll ever have any problem with them. Thanks again. Cheers.

User avatar
Dutiful
Review
Dutiful wrote a review Review · May 11, 2013

Okay, wow that is one beautiful poem there :)

I'm a fan of reading poetry and I guess I can interpret each line in a whole new way. But my talent stops right there :D I cannot write poetry, so I feel it would be rather hypocritical for me to review this piece here, but whats a girl got to do? Rules are rules. I have to review to earn points :D

Okay, so the poem is quite good(I already said that :D).

What if there was no sleep, no rest
and everyday was a new story?


I didn't quite catch what you're trying to say in these lines? I mean, what does sleep and rest have to do with everyday being a whole new story? That was my problem. But then again, I'm not a poet so I have no idea what was going through your mind :)

Other than that, I couldn't find any fault grammatically in the poem at all :D It is well written.

Now to the philosophical point of view.
This poem here, is quite controversial in itself because life is defined by not only the happiest moments or the pinnacles of success but by also the failures, the heartbreaks and negativity.

So what if the world was one without its parallel side, it would be..too perfect. We are defined by our perfections as well as our flaws ..

Okay, sorry I got a little lost in thought for a minute :D

Well these are my vies anyways :)

Lovely poem, good message! Keep up the good work!
I'm hoping to see more from you soon :D
You've got yourself a fan :)

haha it's never hypocritical to speak your mind. Feel free to tell me anything about any of my posts :P about those two line, well I personally hate free time, hate vacations because all I end up doing nothing and thinking sad stuff. By "what if there was no sleep, no rest " I meant what if none of us had any free time to just sit and think non sense, what if we were too busy all the time doing something amazing. Everyday we would have to get up without that feeling of emptiness knowing we have no time to spare. Everyday would have been something different and memorable. :P
Yes I agree with the political view, somebody down below already mentioned that. I agree it's a bit flawed concept.
Thanks for the great review. Much appreciated.

User avatar
therealme
Comment
therealme commented Comment · May 11, 2013

yes it would be a very pretty world. but then no one would ever conquer challenges, because there wouldn't be any challenges to conquer. hard things give us a chance to grow and learn from mistakes.

yes my friend, I think I mentioned it in the lines "what if we were all busy doing something, that made our lives worthwhile" , but yeah I get what you are saying. Thanks for the opinion :)

I like where you're coming from with the poem and i think it's really well done :D

User avatar
flowerteen Comment
flowerteen commented Comment · May 11, 2013

thanks for the amazing feedback :D

User avatar
flowerteen Comment
flowerteen commented Comment · May 11, 2013



Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna lay down and become a tomato for a while.
— RokitaVivi