The Book Of My Life

Hi. I've never done a review before, so pardon me if I'm no good. I like the rhythm. I really really like the first line. Not that I don't like the others I do! Oh god... I'm not good at reviews I'm sorry you have to be my reviewing guinea pig...

The metaphor and theme of your poem are wonderful! However, your third and second line are a little choppy. The poem is great with several exceptions. One being the style of your poem, it's not very poetic and seems more of a prose approach at poetry when poetry is suppose to be...well poetic. Basically you don't have to be so literally or feasible with your lines. Life is a huge subject to take on and doing in your style of poetry with such few lines is impossible. Also some of your diction doesn't make sense; for example, "essence" and "feeble" seem out of place or are being incorrectly used. You also state that "The unforgettable pain of losing you". Whose 'you' and why haven't I met he/she? But you don't go into it leaving the line somewhat pointless. To talk about the pain of lose perhaps you could generalize it without the word "you" directing the line. The next line: "the outcome of what I've done" leaves a lot of questions for the reader and also seems unnecessary if you aren't going to expand on it.

"The sense of touches the skin has felt" seems a little awkward to me. Try adjusting the wording to make it fit better. Punctuation could use a little work; the way you placed the periods make me read the poem in a choppy form.
However, I really liked this.
The word choices were great, and the message was even better.
"The Innocent dreams,the cruel reality" - I relate to that.so.much.
As an author, it is really good to make your audience relate to your work. It makes for good connections.
Anyways, great work!
Keep it up.
~Kat.

Spread across in the pages of memories,
are the traces of faces the eyes have seen,
the sense of touches the skin has felt,
and the essence of places where the soul has been.

You started off very well, I like the way you slowly described your life. The use of internal rhymes, "traces of faces" was a nice touch, I would have liked to see more of that. The last verse they is too wordy and just needs a tad cutting down.

The dark rainy nights, the slow sunrise.
The moments of silence, the years of noise.

Noise over here doesn't seem right to me, I don't think it's the right word. I think it was used for the sake of rhyme, never kill the meaning of the poem just to make the rhyme suitable. If it was a free-verse, my word of choice would have been: "The years of mishap/choas."

The pure joy of finding myself.
The unforgettable pain of losing you.
The outcome of what I’ve done.
The feeble sense of what I was supposed to do.
The innocent dreams, the cruel reality.
The outer strength, the inner fragility.
The tiny footprints left behind,

Okay. Here I notice the over-use of the word 'The' which kind of bores your reader, if the poem was supposed to be that kind of poem I would have expected it to stay that way throughout the poem. I notice the rhyming scheme of AABB was somehow changed.. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but this also hinders the flow.

and the dark shadows casted,
everything I wanted to have forever,
everything that never really lasted.

I have read these three verses more than once and still get this weird simple feeling in it. It is too simple and has basic wording, but there's nothing wrong with simple. It's just that I am not feeling whatever you're trying to send towards your readers. I suggest a rewrite here for more imagery and emotions.

It all makes up for a beautiful tale.
It will grow up with me wherever I go.
The secrets of a lifetime lived,
my own little story that no one else will know.

The ending of this poem was nice. It was slow and gradual, it felt like an actual typical and-they-all-lived-happily-ever-after kind of ending. Which is really great because this simple but dramatic poem deserved an ending that would make your readers smile. This made me almost want to live through the characters life.

All in all, I think this is a good piece of writing so don't get me wrong with these slightly harsh comments. I real writer always needs to accept others opinions to improve his own and seek out his weak spots. My suggestions are just to improve structure/flow, word choice, and keep writing! xD

~GravyToe