All I need is my not so American Dream

Hello!

Just a quick disclaimer, I haven't done a review on here in a while, and especially not for poetry, but I'm going to try my best to do you justice.

I am an American, so I can't quite give the same perspective on this as someone who isn't. However, I do believe I understand the idea here. Even as an American citizen, there are so many people that think that they should be in the big cities and make something huge of themselves. They all want to be big- they want fame and money and everything they believe to come with it. They want the busy life that comes with the bustling city. But, people like you, and like me, don't need all of that.

People like you and I are content with the countryside. We like it where it's more quiet and relaxed, where it's a bit more like home rather than a building, where the sun thrives in the sky without the blockage of fumes from factories, where lights cannot cover up the splendor of the stars. (I apologize, I got a little fanciful there, didn't I? Old habits, I suppose).

Now as far as the arrangement of everything goes, I have to agree with thegirlwhowrites about your word choice in line one. Using the word "fighting" is more than a little off-putting. She covered all of the other small corrections, but, honestly, I don't know that you need to fix the punctuation or anything like that. You aren't American, and the small mistakes like that are a reminder that, while maybe not intentional, does the job.

I enjoyed reading your poem and look forward to seeing more of your work! Have a nice day

Hi!

I'm also not American and I've recently been discussing the American Dream at school so I thought I'd give your poem a look

Disclaimer: I do not remember how to input your quotes into my comment so you'll just have to bear with me! I'm also not an expert on poetry but I'll try and offer some advice...

I want to begin by saying I find this topic super interesting, especially from an outsider's point of view, as we may either daydream about the 'american dream' or be haunted by it. It can be both a source of happiness and sadness, of hope or broken promises. Or at least that's my own personal interpretation of it. But I think that's what's beautiful about it, that there's no one definition, and much is up to the reader, or in this case the author's, imagination.

What I understand from your text is that the American Dream, for you, is about the image. The perfect image of the big house with a garden to sprinkle and a happy swingset for children to play in. The typical American story in the typical American movie. However, what was unclear to me was the beginning, where you state what other people's version of the dream is.

"Everyone’s fighting for excitement

Everyone’s looking for a thrill

They’re all trying to get into Chicago

Or maybe Boston or New York

Maybe thats just not for me"

What I gain from this is that the poem is a fight between cities and suburbs, that many people view America as the buzzing cities searching for a thrill while you just dream of your nice house with a swingset?

Therefore my main piece of advice is really to expand on this. Answer your title. Why do you say that it's 'not so American' because in my opinion, the little house with the picket fence is as American as it can get.

Now just to end let me comment on some tiny nitpicks:

Your use of the word 'fighting' in the first line is a bit offputting for me. How, exactly, do people fight for excitement? It conveys a confusing message, maybe that was your point, but I think you could add an extra line and expand on this image. I imagine a competition, people fighting to gain the excitement of the American Dream.

This is small but change 'thats' to 'that's'

And the 'as well' on the 7th line seems really out of place. I would think of a different way to formulate that line.

Anyways, lovely poem I hope I was of help!