Young Writers Society

Hey reason Stella here! Alright, since this, as you say, a personal piece, I can't really comment much on content. The problem with the "Other" section is to be honest I'm never entirely sure how to approach anything, but here, I'm just going to focus on technicalities.

That all caps: It looks... wrong. I think there's a better way to emphasise it. Actually, when I thought it was just the "WRONG" that was in all caps that it worked because it looked wrong. But with the "waiting" as well, I don't think it's doing you any good.

Overall structure: I think things would feel more complete if you begun and ended with the hotline. As it is, you reapproach the hotline towards the ending but your last line jumps off onto a separate theme which I think in itself could be explored a bit more. Symmetry always helps in narrative, I think, and ending with the hotline would be neat, if a little bit... cheap? I don't know. It's up to you. But I did feel upon reaching the end that it could have been ended a lot better. It doesn't feel complete at all- in fact, the last line feels like an introduction, a bit like a prologue or preliminary piece to something bigger. You need something a little more closed if you want this to stand by itself. Ending with the hotline would make it a closed circuit.

Depth: While I realise personal issues can be difficult to write about, I feel like the reader misses out on details here that would make us a lot more sympathetic. As I read I was just going through it waiting for the next tidbit of information...that never came. Readers are hungry creatures, you need to keep feeding us new and interesting material, without it the narrative feels a little bit empty. A bit like you're cheating us by only telling us half the story.

Overall: This was interesting and very emotion-fraught. I think there's a few things you could do to make the expression a little better though!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x

Wow. This piece of writing has left me speechless. This is... phenomenal. It is so emotionally charged, that it almost brought me to tears. You should seriously consider submitting this to a magazine or newspaper. I am sure the sheer skill of your writing will get you publicity enough alone. I just don't know how to express my feelings for this piece. It was beautiful. It was moving. It was heart breaking. I must say, good job. Good job.

Hello reason!
For one I did enjoy reading this! I can only assume that i might know what this person is going through. I don't know if you purposly made that more of a mystery or not. I saw some spelling mistakes, but that happens to everyone! (Stupid keyboards anyway! ) But other than that it is a good story! I am not going to give you to much critisism because from what you said I take it this is a personal story. So you probably didnt right it to get people critisizing you left and right!