The Ant people
In the lands we call the dessert there lives a special group of people, known as the Ant people. They have red skin but can turn orange like a canyon sunset so we do not see them when we travel by.
One day long, long ago there where two Indian girls traveling by themselves in the dessert. They came across a large colony of the Ant people. The Ant people where in a great time of hunger. the girls noticed this and offered them some of the food they had for the trip. The Ant chief gladly replied "no thank you, we do not take from people we do not give to.'. The girls insisted that they take it.
After long hours of arguing they came to an agreement. The Ant people would guide them the rest of the way through the dessert if the gave them food. The girls gladly accepted this offer.
So they went on their way and where guided by the ants and the ant people got their food and survived their great time of hunger.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
First of all I would like to point out that desert is only spelled with one (S). What you're saying is: The Ant people of the Dessert. Makes e think of a picnic where the ants get into the cake. Normally, I probably wouldn't even have caught this if I wasn't such a geek, and can recite "Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase" word for word. (Shag and Scoob made the exact same mistake in the opposite manner, spelling "dessert" with just one (S)".)
Sorry, but I am a geek and I did catch that.
There was a small grammar mistake in the third and fourth lines of the second paragraph. The first letter of a sentence should be capitalized, and there should probably be a comma after the word "Replied". Also, in the third paragraph I'm assuming that you meant 'they' and not 'the'.
It was a neat little story, and the plot was very good. There were just those few little things that I probably made to seem like big things by drawing out the explanation. I hope you write more things soon, I would love to read them.
Hi there, Welcome to YWS!
First of all, I think this has some potential. It was an interesting... Uh, what was it?
Moving on, it was quite short. If that was the intention then go ahead, but I think this could be extended into a short story. The story line was interesting, plenty happened. Here are some of the mistakes I found;
hunger. the girls (Capital T)
The Ant chief gladly
What's with the gladly? I understand it if you put yes, because it would imply that he was hungry.
replied"no thank you, we do not take from people we do not give to.'. (
Space between replied and " and at the end, I'm not sure what that is.
I hope this helps you, if you have any questions, PM me.
~CM