Published June 28, 2011
Peace in this world,
Hearts full of love,
Is what i wish to see.
This world of hate,
Of war and fate,
Is not supposed to be.
If i hate you,
And you hate me,
Where would this world be?
Its upto us,
To cry or fuss,
Or to be loving and then see.
If we can make the world,
A better place,
Or is it not to be?
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138,079 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
See be me be see be ,.... Play with your words and sentences, make the words interesting. Your topic was good just cliche. The rhymes are almost childish though. Not all of them, but defiantly some. You need to make it longer or put more emotion in it. Your grammar is messed up, to many commas some places and just to little grammar in some places. Re-read your stuff before posting it. Look for the little mess ups. Its a good topic, your poem needs work though.
If you have any questions PM me!
-Boo
Looking past the poems structure, its meaning could be confusing.
See, Im a Christian. Often we are looked down upon for "hating" gay people.
But actually, real Christians dont hate any human being. They hate the sin that we all have(and that gay people have for being gay).
Maybe your poem isnt even about this. I just wanted to help clear it up.
"Hate" shouldnt be directed at a human being, and it can actually be healthy if its not.
Beautiful poem! The rhyme scheme was very well done and flowed excellently. It's the last few lines that I tripped on a bit:
"If we can make the world,
A better place,
Or is it not to be?"
Maybe you should change it to:
"Can we make the world
A better place,
Or can it never be?"
Its fine the way it is but I think you might want to switch your wording up just a bit. Overall, great poetry!
I think this poem is really good. The rhyme fits in with it well, and I love how you ask the questions in it. You think of peace, hate and then the world. I also really love how you sum it all up with a question.
I can't say anymore but this poem was awesome and keep writing!