Do you ever get the feeling that someone's staring at you? I just got that feeling. I opened my eyes from last night's sleep to see Logan's face inches from mine. I freaked out and accidentally kicked him off my bed before realizing that it was him and before he had a chance to say good morning.
"Had a good sleep?" he mumbled wearily, as he rubbed the spot on his head where I'd kicked him. He stood up, only to sit back down on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah, it was..." I veered off, remembering the dream I had last night.
"Did you dream about freshman year again?" he questioned. It was a difficult thing to talk about, especially with Logan. The fact that I often dream about it makes it worse. My dreams are always of things that already have happened, or will happen. This was an "already happened" dream. I always told Logan about the dreams I had that were like this one, except for this one. This one was different. I didn't know if it was okay to tell him.
"C'mon, you can tell me anything," reading my mind, his face softened and he put his arm comfortably around my fragile body. I sighed deeply and began the long story filled with details yet unknown to him. These waters were treacherous, to tell him about all that happened that year - my side of the story.
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,847 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite the start here. I don't know whether to be terrified on behalf of our protagonist or just generally worried. The start is certainly creepy and oddly horror story like there with this person walking up to see a face that they don't recognize immediately just quietly looking at them. At that point I instantly find myself very suspicious of this person but then the reactions and questions that follow don't really paint this as all that much of an issue and thing shift towards some other mysterious cause of concern.
Hmm, it seems that this person has now shifted to a much more comforting sort of role in the story here. Things are certainly taking a few turns at this point and now we're continuing on with that mysterious cause of concern from earlier. It seems that things are about to take a turn towards a rather impactful story here and the promise of something like that to come here makes for a pretty good end here I think.
Overall, this is a pretty solid looking prologue I think. Its got the sort of things that you expect a prologue to have and I think it manages to do a good enough job that as a reader we find ourselves wanting to read on here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey I like this start! And you know what's interesting, I'm currently writing a novel about something that happened to a girl the summer of her freshman year and I was thinking about a prologue and it was somewhat like this. Well, I'm sure you don't really care about that anyway on with the review.
Like I said I like this start. One thing you always want to remember is tense consistency, I assume your story will be a flashback from this moment so I think it makes sense to have this part present and the actual story past. It doesn't really matter, though, as long as its consistent!
How did she kick his head? If you were both lying down it would require some flexibility to kick him in the head wouldn't it? Just a thought. Maybe she kicks him in the leg? Or even the stomach. Or pushes him?
Did she dream about freshman year again? I don't think she answers the question and I was confused. I mean, it becomes clear that she did but she doesn't answer his question.
I like what you have at the end, definitely makes me want to read more. You could elaborate the beginning more by describing more of what happens and more of her feelings. Anyway, keep up the good work because I really like what you have hear (despite the few confusing parts). Nice job!
Heyaa
I'll start the review off with pointing out any nit-picks or grammatical errors that I find in this. Then I'll move on to my overall opinion, 'cause I'm cool like that.
I'm here to review your prologue, believe it or not.
You had some tense issues here.
This sentence sounds a bit awkward to read. I edited it a it for you to what I think would sound good.
You changed your tenses here
Tenses again.
This was a good ending! It got me wondering about what the story of the dream was.
Overall
Considering this is short, I probably won't have all that much to say about it. I'll try my best to come up with something decent though. I'll begin with the things I did like about this. What I liked the most about this prologue, I think, was the ending. You began it off by telling us readers about a specific dream, but you didn't say what it was about. In the middle of the piece, you revealed that it was about Freshman year. That was good because you gave us a hint, but no details, which got us wondering about the dream. At the very end of the piece, you made it sound as though the rest of the novel would be about your main character's Freshman experience. That got me wondering what was so amazing - or terribly bad - about her Freshman year. It's always good to keep the reader wanting more! Another thing that I was impressed with was your grammar. I didn't find any issues with commas, periods, semi colons, or anything else like that. Grammar seems to be a big problem on YWS. By the looks of it, you don't have many problems at all. When it comes to your spelling, it's just as good. I like it!
My main critique for this prologue would have to be that I would like you to be a bit more descriptive. You seem to be telling us readers what is going on, but you're not taking time to really make us feel the atmosphere or the mood of the piece. We don't know what Logan looks like, for example. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to give me an entire paragraph about his eyes. That would just be annoying... and slightly perverted. I would just like for you to sprinkle the odd, random description throughout the prologue. What does the room your characters are in look like? Does your MC (main character) like the way the room is decorated? Don't go into loads of details, just mention a few things. Do you understand what I mean? I'm bad at making sense... Basically, I just want you to create more imagery. More adjectives, metaphors, simile's, personifications etc. If you do that, it will add a lot of colour to this!
The only other thing I want to mention to you is your tenses. You have a tendency to get them mixed up. Just remember; you only use present tense words in a piece that is past tense if you're writing dialogue, thoughts, or if there's something like a letter in the writing. Except for these times, you shouldn't use any words like don't, won't, are, will etc. Tenses can be rather confusing things; I used to have some serious problems with them. To be honest, the best way of improving is to simply practice your writing as often as possible! Reading also helps a lot.
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
this is good, except you changed tense once or twice. also, maybe you could discribe the scene the characters are in better, like showing how the room looks. other than that i really like it, and can't wait to see where you take it!