Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
AN: I originally wrote this story in 2006(-ish), and I want to start posting in online again. However, what I have from the initial writing needs a lot of editing. So, I figured I'd be lazy and post it here for you guys to do my work for me. ;D
Lesson 1: The Basics
Men: can't live with them, can't live without them.
What a fucking lie. I've always been out to remove the blinding hand that has sheltered the many eyes of women across the world. I mean, it's obvious there is no real reason to have men around. They lie, they cheat, and, above all, they smell. I'm sorry, but I can’t spend my life with some creature that makes me want to vomit every time my nose is poisoned by that heinous stench.
Don't get me wrong, I'm straighter than a computer generated line. I'm just tired of dealing with men. All we are to them are either trophies for them to show off to their "buds from the hood" or for sex. I'm tired of fighting for my rights and I'm tired of trying to give them a substance to occupy that empty space known as "the brain of men". You’d think after the millionth time, they'd get it. Who knows, maybe it takes a million and one times, but I've never been one of high-tolerance and the odor radiation suffocating me for the duration in their presence probably had me on a high. I can get quite testy when I'm not sober.
I understand that they may have their "good" qualities. Sure, they're hot and, due to the nature of humans, we're naturally attracted to the opposite sex (give or take), and we need them to reproduce, but those are just minor things. With the crazy stuff science comes up with today, I'm sure we'll find a way where you can push a button and get the job done. Plus, have you seen women in maternity? If I'm gaining that much weight, I want it to be from food, not some monstrous seed some guy planted in me who will probably cheat on me with his secretary the next day. I know I can live without men.
For the years that I've been following this philosophy of mine, I've achieved great lengths. I've gained more mental stability by no longer trailing after guys that were a hopeless cause, and I've managed to make more friends (even the ones that I still have battle scars from cat fights over those "creatures"). I've even managed to bring my whole social status to a new level. Sure, I've broken hearts and I've also made enemies with lots of guys, but who cares, anyway? I don't need them. Besides, I've always admired those old cat ladies.
Unfortunately, I'm not an invincible genius and my plans generally have a habit of crumbling. There was just that one person who had to go and make an exception to a terrifically, well-structured rule. That one man that all men should be carbon-copied from. That perfect, glorious god-on-a-stick who had glanced at me and let his beautifully-aligned, pearly-white teeth free for my heart to fall into the trap known as Duane.
Friendship wasn't an issue. We were inseparable. It didn't take long for everyone to realize I, Kamber, The Ice Queen and Gnawer of Manhood, had fallen for this mysterious god of godly men. I wouldn't have been surprised if newspapers across the globe had that as their cover page, and to be honest, for this boy/man/deity, I was willing to relinquish my pride, my identity, and my dignity for any second in his presence. Then, that was no longer enough. I wanted more. I wanted what every blinded, silly fool wanted. From that ‘want’, the real hitch was conjured. This magnificent creature never took note of this implausible case.
It was like all his senses were enclosed in an unreachable box. Not only did he make no sign of any acknowledgment of my interest for him, but neither did he try demonstrating signs of his affection toward me. I could blatantly spill my cupid-punctured guts at him and he would return his pseudo-copy as if we were tossing a deflated ball back and forth. Was this karma? Maybe. But that deflated ball was all that was left of my pride. I began to think that, one of these days, it may hold enough air to knock some sense into him and he’d know. I wanted him like no other and he was the only one I didn’t want to be oblivious.
Even with all of this in mind, I was still traumatized by the image that I currently saw before me as if the picture had been enlarged a million times and stuck to everything I've ever been through. My indescribable god was sucking face with one of those "creatures".
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Hi, Rawra!
First nitpicks since I only have a couple.
"Bluntly obvious" is redundant. You could choose just one of those words and it would have the same affect as the two.
I'm sure it was just a slip of the finger, but I fixed some spelling for you.
--
Okay, now onto the meat of things.
Well, I can't say I didn't see that coming. I knew that long rant about men in the beginning was going to lead into the main character falling in love - or lust.
Honestly, Rawra, your main character is insufferable. It's weird that she insults men, gushes about one, and then insults them again. She seems self-absorbed and hypocritical, which I have to assume that you did on purpose. If so, great job. I've read books where I hated the main character, "We Need to Talk About Kevin" for example, but they were still good books. I'm hoping you're trying to pull one of those.
I understand the need for the rant in the beginning but, in my opinion, it was carried on for too long. It became repetitive really quickly and I have to admit skimming through the latter part of it. Maybe you could try and be less wordy in future parts.
I can't see where you mean to take this. I mean, I'm getting the impression that this is going to be one of the "day in the life" stories, but I'm afraid that the entirety of this novel is going to be your main character whining about men. I doubt it, but still that fear lingers.
The ending made me laugh. I can honestly admit I didn't think you were going to go there. I just thought the mc was just being ignored or the dude didn't like her. I'm interested to know where she's going to go from there.
-RP
In terms of nitpicks:
1.) I did the 'bluntly obvious' thing to show Kamber's overkill of her believes and ignorance. But, I can try omitting it and see how that works. I'm sure you're right and no one will miss it. :3
2.) That IS NOT nitpick. I'm gonna just walk away with my tail between my legs. ^///^ Thank you for catching that.
Lol. Her falling for a guy wasn't suppose to be surprising. xD Though, fun fact, originally she wasn't going to fall for anyone but the plot took some liberties during further development.
LMAO. I've been waiting for a response like this. I love that everyone views her different. I don't write characters to be liked; I write them to be real. And real people always have that one person who hates them and that other who loves them. ;D And never heard of that book. Shall have to try it. :3
The rant is similar to the 'bluntly obvious' thing. It's in her character to overkill her opinion. Though, I am trying to keep her from ranting too much in future chapters. It's a balance I'm still working on. ^_^
Ah, I'm not sure how to answer this. Technically the story may read as if it might not have a direction for a while, but every thing that happens needs to happen for an event to occur at the end. I'll just say that this is suppose to read more like a prequel to its sequential novel than it's own novel.
I'm glad the ending was unexpected, since that's the chunk of my plot right there. xD
Greetings!
Righto, so first off, we can tell that the narrator is a wee] bit misandristic. Okay. Something any woman (and the occasional male) can relate to. Men can be pigs. I get that, but what I want to know is why Kamber hates them. You state basics, like disgust for them impregnating women and cheating on them with a secretary, but as far as I know, this hasn't happened to her. So I'm hoping you tell us more about her and why she is as she is, because I'm thinking of her as a narrow-minded pessimiss already.
But seriously, this is the bomb xD it's so funny, I'm loving it so far. While Kamber can seem a bit, dare I say, bitchy and gripey, she still has a way of making every single sentence humorous without going off topic. Her view of men makes me laugh, and her personality is just amazing so far. I can already tell that, while I might be a bit O__O on her harsh view of men, I'm still gonna like her. xD
Overall, this is off to a good start! I love that finally a man has come along and swept her off her feet and she's flipping out internally because she doesn't want to fall in love and at the same time, she does, and it's conflicting for her. I can't wait to see how she handles this mess. :')
This entire story is about kind of explaining why she hates them. I mean, in a way it's not, but you'll definitely learn a bit of her past and definitely her present.
I'm glad you're enjoying it thus far (thank you so much for the compliments <333) and I wish I could reply better to your observations without spoling things. x'D But you definitely caught a lot of stuff that people who read this before didn't and that's welcoming challenge.
Hey there! Isha here for a review.
Dude, okay, so this was actually kind of really hilarious. The narrator's voice is stupendously crisp and clear, and seems to get her personality across very, very well. It was entertaining, and whereas I'm kind of rolling my eyes at all of her anti-male ideals, she sounds like someone I'd get along with despite a multitude of disagreements. It was refreshing to see narration that's so uniquely a character, and I definitely have to applaud you for that.
The writing quality in and of itself was pretty darn impeccable, so there's not much to complain about there. Or anywhere else, for that matter (yes, this review will mostly be gushing). Grammar was spot-on, save for where it was necessary to flop it around a little for the sake of the character's voice (which is most certainly a noble reason to stretch grammar rules out a little bit).
The only thing I really have to say is that this story has the potential to be pretty... average. The voice of the character might make up for it in part, yes, but if the entire thing is about how this cold, unconquerable woman falls in love with some guy, then eh. I mean, it's not like that's terrible or anything, I've just seen it done too many times. Maybe you'll put a neat little spin on things, though?
(I hope so).
I'm incredibly intrigued to know more about this guy, though. He must be some kind of spectacular, if she's willing to admit that she's fallen for him. Also, something to hang onto: You've got a heroine who is potentially pursuing a male. For that, I whisper profoundly and genuinely, thank you.
Anyway.
Good job and keep writing,
~Ish
I'm so glad you enjoyed this and that you for such an amazing comment. <333
I'm not really sure if this story will be anything spectacular. xD This is more of a fun-sy/practice for me. But, there is more to the story, as you'll start seeing in chapter 3 (but be careful what you wish for ;P).
Haha, I totally dig the fun-sy/practice stories
I'll focus less on super-epic-original content in the future then, and more heavily on things like character development 
Hi, Tulip here to give you a review.
So this is interesting. Many females that i know about would love for it to be "OH I need a men so that I can continue to live." Just as in this work I smell bullshit. Not one female will need a man to make sure that she could continue to live. Sure, they are necessary for the survival of the human race, but do we actually have to have them for anything but that? I think not.
The women and girls who think like this female in this story I can agree with. A Man will most likely cheat in your weakest moments. They will lie. They will tear you down. They will rip out your heart. They will leave you crying on the road after prom. Men, in their nature, will do anything they can just to put down a female. Most involve harming them either mentally, physically, or emotionally.
So the part that I liked the most was this part:
So why I liked it? It shows that females don't need a man! They just need a few friends to keep them sane. Sure they may end up turning into crazy cat ladies..but what's the issue with that?