Published June 21, 2011
Life is a steep slope, life is a plain;
Life has sunny days, life has rain;
Sometimes I think that life is a notebook,
Where hundreds of stories are scribbled;
Each has different colour;
Blue, green, orange and red.
Life is like an open sky,
Which doesn’t have any limit;
We are free to fly in this sky of life,
Or flap our wings and flip.
Life doesn’t end when one is dead,
Nor does it start when one is born;
It is a continuous process from the day earth was created;
And will go on and on…………
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141,423 Literary Works • 674,403 Reviews
Hi,
I just realized that I've stumbled upon this before! Oh my! I do, however, have some critiquing to do. The poem could, overall, stand without the first two lines(stanza one). On line 10, maybe you shouldn't have put 'flip'. It had me guessing as to it's meaning. I read that about 8 times to try to figure it out, but, eventually, I gave up. There were a few grammar things, too. The flow was... okay. The poem had a good thought, and wasn't bad. Actually, it was pretty good. Well, that's all I can think to say, so, I'm out. :] Good job!
Farewell,
A.
Hiya! Welcome to YWS, and here's a review from me. Sorry if I sound critical!
- I don't get why there is a rhyme in the first line and not any of the others. Just a thought, but it is a free verse of sorts.This (free to fly...) line is a little awkward. Doesn't really flow well with the first one. Also, I agree with the above that the word "flip" seems not to fit here.
Again, good overall breach. Kudos!
Hey. This is really good!
In my opinion, I think it would flow better:
Each has different colour;Blue, green, orange or red.
But that's just my opinion.
Great!
Well, I liked it. It had an easy-going, mellow feel to it, but still interesting to read. I don't have much advice to give, though. The only thing I noticed was that this line seems a little off.
It still works well, but I think a better word could be used than 'flip' here. It just seems a little out of place to me. Other than that everything flowed nicely. Well done!
<..> Kat
Nice, A rather common topic but I think you have handled it well. I'm a defiantly no grammar expert and I think the rules of grammar can be pushed a little for poetry but I question your use of semicolons.
In general I really like this poem some of the lines are great but I believe some of the lines can be cut out.
The stanza can stand with out it and will give the poem a stricter structure.
Anyway... great work. I look forward to seeing more.