just another poem I whipped up for a competition.
To know the secrets, know the lies,
To hear all what goes on inside,
To see all things, to be unseen,
How could humans know what this could mean?
To be so small, and underfoot,
To scuttle about through every nook,
To be so quick, to be so strong,
How could such a thing be wrong?
To be of kin, so tight of bond,
To travel far, but not beyond,
To be so free, they have the key,
But how, you ask, how can this be?
To know of which the thing I speak,
Know the un-fearing, the never meek,
For queen and country and this one plant!
I present to you the humble ant!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I think there's a good idea behind this: trying to show us the ant in a different light. However, I think it could have been presented in a more interesting way. All the "To [verb]"s and the rhyming almost lost me. Instead, you could trying having it hear specific secrets and lies, use metaphors to describe its strength, images to show how it moves unseen by humans. Let go of the rhyme scheme and you have tons of options.
Overall, I like the concept, but it could be fleshed out and become even better. Keep writing!