Young Writers Society

I agree! This piece makes me want to jump up and smack that owner, then go help the animals. You portrayed the idea well.

There are a few small things that I noticed that you might be able to fix though. Near the end, where you say "All I here at night is the cry of hundreds of other dogs," it should be hear, and in "I can't keep my self from barking our growling," I think you were going for "I can't keep myself from barking or growling."

There are also some words that you could probably take out. Words like 'well,' and 'just.' Sometimes it feels like they're taking away from the piece more than they're adding, by hampering the flow. If i were you, I'd just play around with it a little, and maybe even read it out loud. Move things around and try to see which way each of the sentences flow the best.

Honestly, you really do have a great thing going here. There were a few times you created a new line in one sentence, creating a bit of a pause. You placed those pauses really well, I thought, like when it said, "I felt humiliated." The ending was really neat too. That last statement was powerful. Well done!

--Anna

Wow, this really informs people about how bad animal abuse is. It was quite sad about what was happening to the puppy and you really explained about how the puppy felt. I think it was quite pushing also it makes you want to help the problem come to an end although, I don't think it ever will. Nice job writing this though. Oh, I saw one thing with the grammar, you said that the owner of the dog never sad BY to the dog when leaving you should have said BYE. I think there was other thing also, I'll go check. Also, I'm not one hundred percent sure but, I think you are missing some commas in places. Like here "I was crying by the door for hours until I couldn’t stand it any longer." I think until has a commas after it. And, I think when might sound better with a comma after it. But, I'm not sure if it really needs one though. I'm not the best when it comes to grammar so sorry if my information is erroneous. Now, I'm going through my post and I see areas where I missed commas also so, sorry if I sounded like a hypocrite.