Published January 29, 2006
Mark the eyes.
They tell all.
They can be deceiving,
Or believing,
And you must listen.
They are truth.
They do not lie.
If they see the sky,
They also see hope.
They see you.
They can hold love,
And peace as if from a dove,
Or cold hate.
They are the holders.
They are the key
To all that you see;
Just believe.
They are emotion.
Filled with tears,
Or maybe years,
Lines touch them.
They are knowing.
Filled with knowledge,
From the years at college,
And wise as can be.
They are beauty.
They are everything unique,
Although sometimes bleak.
Reflected scenery.
See and know the eyes.
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Thanks a lot for the comments!
They are unique,
Though they see the bleak
Reflected scenery.
Sounds a lot better than what I have. Yeah, a lot of em were forced, and sound a tad odd. The lie, sky part doesn't make much sense, and the knowledge college thing is kinda stupid. I'll rework it a bit.
Thanks again!
Yay! I love eyes. I am oddly fascinated with them. So it means a lot for me to tell you this is good. This is my favorite stanza:
"They are emotion.
Filled with tears,
Or maybe years,
Lines touch them."
Awesome job!
Yay! I like short pithy poetry. It's really pretty when it's done well.
I thought this line was a little strange: "And you must listen." You're talking about eyes, but then move on to another sense. If anything, I would either continue this pattern (taste, smell, touch, hear) to give it a more even feeling, or leave it out. It's awkward without its backup.
I also think your rhyming scheme isn't particularly working for you. It just seems forced, especially these lines:
They are everything unique,
Although sometimes bleak.
Reflected scenery.
I don't know... I think it may be a little wordy. Let's play with it a little.
They are unique,
Though they see the bleak
Reflected scenery.
That might be better. Play with it a little bit and get a little bit more comfortable with the poem. It's getting closer!