To be honest, it's pretty interesting. I get the story, but like someone else said it is kind of choopy as well. Maybe try and add a bit more detail??
“Why are you scared?” he said to her. “Why are you scared? Why not just take the risk?”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“Why?” The man is impatient. There was a time where he would hit people if he got upset. However, he would never hit a girl, no matter the circumstances. He wasn’t sexist, he just…couldn’t believe himself to be cruel.
“Oh, I really like this song.” She always changes the subject when she gets nervous. She wants the man to touch her, caress her, kiss her, but she gets nervous whenever someone gets close…more so with this man.
“I do too.” The man knows when she doesn’t want to talk about something. He can see it in her eyes. He knows her.
“I wanna dance.”
They dance together, the woman running around the room trying, but not wanting, to keep herself away from the man. The dog barks as they move, sliding and falling onto chairs and the floor. They both smile at each other as they get closer, standing in front of each other, so close that her hair touches his arm. The joy in their eyes is insurmountable. It’s not love, but the feeling of knowing that they can fall in love. It’s the feeling that love exists.
“Stop,” she says as the man tries to hug her. She turns and runs away.
“Tell me you don’t like it.” The man chases her into the kitchen and laughs. “Just try and tell me you don’t like it.”
“No,” she says, smiles, and runs away again. She can’t bring herself to say it. She knows that she can’t lie to him without him realizing it. She walks up to him as he stands still in front of the radio. “I don’t like it.” She comes damn close to laughing afterward.
“With the effort that took, I think I saw tears in your eyes.” He knows she’s lying. He knows because he saw it in her eyes. Eyes can’t lie.
They decide to go for a walk with two cigars, two beers, and no destination. All the while they talk of memories. Things of the past are somehow brought out now. Secrets are revealed both painfully and joyfully. They laugh, they smoke, and they drink, and have an overall good time. All the while the man tries to hold the woman’s hand. She seems more scared then nervous; she knows him too well to be nervous.
“We should do something stupid,” the man says. He’s been thinking for the past few days about this. Maybe if he got her to make a stupid risk, he could get her to take the risk of him.
“Like what?” she asks. The man is the weirdest person she’s ever met, and she’s told him that several times.
“Let’s smash these beer bottles!” He’s been drinking too much to think of anything better. “Right in front of this school. Right here next to the flagpole.”
“Someone will have to clean it up.” She really doesn’t care. She just wants to finish her beer.
“I gotta piss over here.” He walks over to the buses, and hears her bottle smash onto the ground. He laughs, has a brilliant idea, and says “I’m pissing in my beer bottle.” He zips up his pants.
“How much did you get in?” she asks. It’s about halfway full, and she wonders if he got any on his hands. Knowing him, he probably did.
“Stand back, I’m gonna smash it.” He slams it onto the ground, sees the bottle shatter, and the piss foam. He wipes his hand off on his pants. He wonders if she knows he got some on his hands.
They walk back to the house talking about walking. They say “Hi” to Bob the fire hydrant, and the man gives Bob what’s left of his cigar. Bob seems to enjoy it. When they get back to the house, they open two new beers, but then decide they’re hungry. They go to the one restaurant that’s always open. Once there, they eat and talk.
“So how’s the eggs?” the man asks.
“They suck. I told you they would,” the woman replies.
“Well you kept asking me, and that’s the first thing I saw.”
“Well, you saw wrong. Now you have to eat them!”
“You’re getting ketchup all over my face. That’s gross.”
“So wipe it off. How’s the fish? Can I have some?”
“Yes, and good…I mean, the other way. Here.”
“Wow, that is good. I don’t like tartar sauce, though. It’s gross.”
“Your face is gross!” The woman gives a kind of funny smile as he says this.
A waiter walks up to him and asks, “So, is he your boyfriend?”
“No,” she says. She hesitates. She wants other people to think they’re dating. “We’re friends.”
“So no boyfriend?”
“No,” she says.
“After tonight,” the man says.
“What?” she says. She can’t think of anything else to say. She wants it to happen, but she’s scared…
The waiter walks away.
“Let’s get outta here.” The man says. The woman agrees. The man pays and they leave.
They walk back to the car, and the woman hugs the man and thanks him for dinner. She drives home. He tells her to keep both hands on the wheel, and tries to hold her hand. Just for a second, less than a second, a mere moment in time, they hold hands. Everything makes sense. The world could stop right there, they could both die, and nothing would matter. At that moment in time, perfection ruled.
All they did was hold hands.
At the house, they sit down and talk some more. The woman tells him her deepest, darkest secret, but the man reserves his for later. Each time they meet, the secrets get worse.
They don’t drink anymore, but get tired and go to bed. The woman rolls over onto her side, and the man tries to hold her.
“Stop,” she says. She’s scared.
The man satisfies himself by putting his hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t complain. “Why are you scared?”
She pretends to sleep, and the night ends.
____________
Edited this to make it easier to read.
To be honest, it's pretty interesting. I get the story, but like someone else said it is kind of choopy as well. Maybe try and add a bit more detail??
I really liked this, it was so cute, but it so wasn't because it was real. The style is really unique and easy to read, you don't have to think, the thoughts just come, and they're not simple thoughts, they're kind of complex. It was so vague that you could just understand the characters and kind fo fill in the blanks with your heart's desire, I don't know of that was intended, but it was awesome.
I think it could have a little more content, I don't know, just make the story a little bit fuller. Other than that, it was great.
Ooh i liked this. 
It’s a great story, I really like it! Even though you’re telling a lot of the story and it does get a bit laborious here and there, it was interesting enough for me to want to read on. There’s not much in the way of setting or characterisation (you could work on that a bit by telling us what she is wearing, or he is) but somehow I can picture the two of them. Her tension at the ‘unknown’ is well developed, I think, and it’s very natural what they do, whilst still awkward. It makes the story quite interesting.
Work on dialogue, though. It’s a little bit choppy and confused me in the fish section, though I don’t know how you could really change it other than give us a little bit more information like ‘she hands him the fish’ or something along those lines.
Overall I thought it was a lovely little romantic story :] and there was not all that much I thought wrong with it.
Yeah, your style is very refreshing! 
No body goes outside the box like you did. I especially like the elusiveness of your characters' names. Just "boy" and "girl" simple yet perfect for how you wrote 
I really have nothing to point out except your dialogue structure, which I think KJ pointed out.
Just be sure to keep up with your descriptions. You could have used a few more, cleared up a few things. I would just read through it and I bet you could improve this. It doesn't need a lot. Just a few tweaks here and there.
Well, I hope to see more of your work!
That was pretty good, I thought it were two people watching a movie with these two characters, but it turned out these WERE the two people! In a good way 
It's different, put it that way, and weird. But weird is good. I'd like to see where this is heading to, because I'm curious to how you're going to continue with the story.
There's loads of questions: simple ones like 'What are their names?' and others like 'Why is she so scared?' and 'What is he trying to get her to do exactly? Go out with him? Have sex? Let her fall in love with him? What?'
I like to question a story so I can read on, so keep them comin'!
Well, I liked it. Your style is unique, something I don't see too much of anymore, and the whole thing is just interesting. It made me think.
A little inconsistent at times, though. She's running from him, but she wants people to think they're together, and yet she's frightened of him? If she is frightened, why does she stay?
Also, you mentioned around the middle of this that they got drunk. But a little after, they were still talking intelligently and neither were slurring, stumbling, etc. They were acting completetly sober - that's got to be a record, if you can hold your liqor that well.
One last critique. Most of your dialogue is done like this:
“Let’s get outta here.” The man says
"Let’s get outta here,” the man says
well, it was ok but i don't really understand it
i mean, why is she so scared?
and the story didn't really go anywhere, it was described a night out
I sort of understood, but I didn't understand the characters and their reactions. this just didn't seem very real to me. Like why is the girl so scared? and I don't know... I didn't understand the story the way it was left. Maybe if you elaborated or something.
I liked the style, but it felt a little confusing. I would just try to get more to the point, and try not to be as abstract if you're going to write in this style.
It was a good job with grammar and style, I think though.
-Kaila
I think this appeals to the older ones of us on here who have experienced adult relationships, hence some of the confusion...no disrespect to them of course! They have it all to look forward to!
The joy in their eyes is insurmountable. It’s not love, but the feeling of knowing that they can fall in love. It’s the feeling that love exists.
What? *confused*
Eh? What did I just read? =(
This wasn't bad. . . it just had no climax at all. The writing in itself was okay, maybe even perfect, grammar, spelling ect wise, but story wise?
Story wise this was a disappointment.
It made no sense =(
It was generally pretty good, just a few specific points to make -
There was a time where he would hit people if he got upset. [Instead of where he would hit people this should probably be when he would hit people.]
No,” she says. She hesitates. She wants other people to think they’re dating. [She wants others to think they're going out? Then why does she say no? A little confusing...]
Not a bad start though, if start it is. Will you be expanding it? Only I must agree that it doesn't have a very concrete ending.
I liked it. Just correct a few mistakes and maybe clear up of the confusing parts and its really good..
I liked this. It seems like we get to know the characters too much for it to be written so formaly, if that makes sense. I'd add names if I were you. Although I like how it sounds as it is...I don't know, you could go either way.
Are you going to add more? Because you kind of left it up in the air...
It was really good!
~JFW1415
I thought the story was pretty good, but you need to space between paragraphs.
I especially liked how you described things. Not overdone, but not too little in most parts.
120,356 Literary Works • 649,552 Reviews
Points: 890
Reviews: 29
Donate