Wishing to be someone you are not
It is a bit overrated
-dreams-believes-passions-
But being who you are
-unique- divergent-the one & only-
That’s what is over prized
That’s what requires guts
You could get a new haircut
A new dress
New shoes &
Contact lenses
Pretend be the-miss-perfect you are not
What would that cost?
A hundred bucks?
Maybe.
But try and be who you are
Brown messy hair : uncombed and unbleached
-You had them ever since you started breathing-
Wear those old ratty sweats
[because jeans are just too uncomfortable and dresses?
well dresses are dresses- not your thing.]
Sneakers and black rimmed glasses- you are not a beauty queen
You are clumsy- that’s wear your beauty lies,
in your flaws.
Now,
Splash yourself
with burning lava water
Look into your eyes
[Isn’t it mesmerizing how they resemble endless-soul soaking-pits?]
Look into them, looking at you right back.
What do you see?
[broken pieces of glasses? Rose petals scattered?
A map discolored? Look closely you will find yourself a house their &]
a satchel full of shattered dreams?
Maybe.
Pens are lost every day.
And so are visions- lost every day.
[wish passion counted for
something.]
Now look below.
Not down, below- you see their behind your cloth covered chest
Lies a bundle of muscles pumping- screaming
To anyone and everyone that will listen.
You need to learn listening to it.
Stop looking around for excuses &
all those voices in &
around your head,
feel it, whenever it skips a beat or
Races hard,
It’s just trying to be herd. Trust me it’s trying hard.
Harder than you are.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hey!
Liberty500 here for a review!
Okay, first of, I'd like you to know that I really like your poem! I envisioned everything in my head!
Second, I'd like to advise you that, you might wanna make things clearer so it does not sound awkward when spoken aloud. The first few parts I envisioned perfectly, but when I got to the last part, it was kind of hard to vision it in my head.
My favorite part was:
"But try and be who you are
Brown messy hair : uncombed and unbleached
-You had them ever since you started breathing-
Wear those old ratty sweats
[because jeans are just too uncomfortable and dresses?
well dresses are dresses- not your thing.]
Sneakers and black rimmed glasses- you are not a beauty queen
You are clumsy- that’s wear your beauty lies,
in your flaws."
Over all, I really loved your poem!
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
I was envisioning the poem the entire way. You painted a clear picture in my mind, and I loved it. However, you were occasionally redundant, like, the last three sentences were hard, hard, and harder. I think the last two worked well, but three didn't really work.
Great job. Keep on going, I'd love to see more.
Hi tinybookfarie here, I would like to review your work and I think this was very creative. You got a lot of your feelings into it and it was very interesting. One thing I would advice on is that you should try to make this a bit more clear on what you want the reader to know about why you wrote this. I understand this, but I am not sure how other people would see this. I also think that you really didn’t need all the punctuation and all the dashes. Plus, I would suggest that you can space everything out into stanzas so that you would be able to a get a clear image of the Writer’s purpose. Other than that, I really love it. When I read this, i wanted to keep reading because it made me curious. Keep writing and I look forward to more of your work!!!!!!!!!
Hi tinybookfarie here, I would like to review your work and I think this was very creative. You got a lot of your feelings into it and it was very interesting. One thing I would advice on is that you should try to make this a bit more clear on what you want the reader to know about why you wrote this. I understand this, but I am not sure how other people would see this. I also think that you really didn’t need all the punctuation and all the dashes. Plus, I would suggest that you can space everything out into stanzas so that you would be able to a get a clear image of the Writer’s purpose. Other than that, I really love it. When I read this, i wanted to keep reading because it made me curious. Keep writing and I look forward to more of your work!!!!!!!!!