I need help.

Hi rain,

Formatting is something that's difficult to pull off in poetry. When it's done well, it can really make a poem come alive. Benjamin Zephania has a poem that's spectacular because of the black/white formatting. But I think your attempts are arbitrary, messy, confusing and debilitating. It hasn't helped what is already a fairly mundane, cliche, navel-gazing, unstructured emo poem.

Sorry to be so brutal in my judgement. But you've barely even spelt half your words correctly, and then you've decided to underline and embolden the other half. I can't see much effort running through this.

I liked this. You took a feeling that many people have and expressed it well. I think that formatting and spelling could have been done more carefully, but the idea and general wording of the poem was good.

This is kind of a sad poem, but that's why I like it. You caught my attention, which is good, and you kept it. This is a good peice.

Welcome to YWS Rain.I'm fiction903 here to review the poem.
It is not bad for your first poem. It was actually okay. I do notice some things that you can fix. My revistions will be in bold.

Friends.
The less I try, the more I cry.
Yet I can't stop, even though crying is for suckers.
The sorrow? The pain?
It surronds me, engulfs me.
My heart, my mind, my wrists, arms, legs, my soul!
why can't you help me?
Why won't you help me?

I'm not asking for the cure.
I'm not for the answerers.
All I need is an ear.
All I need is a shoulder.
All I need is a hug.
A friend.
someone I can talk to.

I kept my emotions hidden for so long.
But then.... I slowly released them to you.
And now?
I don't know if I can take them back.
Maybe you realized I don't[/b ]talk Merrily and Gay
But what [b]I say.. is real

Is anyone listening?
Does somebody hear me out?
I know teenagers today.
They get their relief from the worlds the horrors this world has to offer.
From drugs.
Sex.
From alcohol.
Violence.
From cuts.
Food.
From lovers.

I NEED relief. I would put the word need in italics.
I need one person.
I need someone.
A friend.
I need to be able to trust you with all of my secrets and desires, my fears and regrets.
I don't need you to judge me
Or make me feel bad for what I mistakes I have made.
I don't need you to use my trust against me or spill them when I make you mad.
Just because I tell you, doesn't give you the right to to use it as an excuse on why you did something bad.
And I don't need a friends with benefits.

I don't want to give out a piece of my heart to only receive nothing in return.
But I can't do this alone.

Please don't let me drown in fear.
I'm sick of fear.
Fear of a long life with no happiness.
Fear of putting myself out there.
Of being replaced.
Of being let down.
of being a let down.I would take fear of being a let down out because I think it means the same thing as being a dissapointment.
Being disappointed.
Of being a disappointment.
I fear being left empty handed.

I don't want a friend for a day, or a month or a year.
I need a friend for a lifetime.
So what do you say.
Will you be my friend?