Young Writers Society

Hi raindrops,

Mailice here with a short review!

This definitely reads like a very exciting story that you have presented here in the first chapter. I like how you show it in many points through examples as the actual reason for this "ability". It gives this whole chapter an air of mystery. I thought you definitely piqued my curiosity with it.

I think your introduction is very well done. Not only do you play with the elements, but you also give the reader a slight hint of what the story might be about. It was short and to the point.

Today, I shall live again. Become new again. For the nth time, I shall be reborn. I wonder what I shall do next. Should I remain the introvert smart kid? Or test my luck in another sports? I should have tried swimming, then maybe I had escaped.

In the morning of April 3rd year 2002

Hello there! I'm here as requested. But just before that, I just want to say that I enjoyed reading this story and I was very intrigued by both the title and the story. I love how it's written in a clear understandable way yet so mysterious and interesting.
I haven't read any of the reviews below and I might repeat some of what they said. Plz understand that it's just all suggestion and you are free to bring it aboard or not.

REVIEW!

Should I remain the introvert smart kid?

Or test my luck in another sports?

I've been trough over and over again.

Tired of trying to find a solution to get away from the misery of this loophole.

In the morning of April 3rd year 2002 I was born as the only child of my father's second wife.

For the nth time, I shall be reborn.

And in every death it is always a crime scene.

Some deaths had been intentionally inflicted through suicide, but most of the time it is guised as an accident of an outright murder.
However, I am not the victim.

Somehow in every lifetime I end up killing three people including myself. But I solemnly swear to each grave of mine. I am not the murderer.

Hi there raindrops! Thank you for requesting some reviews in my thread - I can't wait to dive into your story!

You've already got quite a few wonderful reviews, so I'll try not to be too repetitive in mine ^^

The premise of this story so far reminds me a bit of Groundhog Day! I've never actually watched it, but from what I've heard, it's about a guy who gets stuck living the same day over and over again until he makes all the right choices. Not exactly the same as this story, obviously, but it's still got a similar time-loop concept going on. Definitely a very intriguing and interesting premise!

I do have to admit, I'm a bit confused by the opening? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the descriptions ("flapping of soft water" is so poetic!), and it's definitely always nice to start a story with a slight ~air of mystery~. However once I get further in, and discover the narrator is living their 26-year life in repeat, I don't fully understand how the opening fits into the timeline of the story. For example, the narrator says that today is the day they'll be "reborn", but it certainly doesn't sound like they're a new-born baby talking. Which I presume means that today is the day they'll die and then consequently become reborn? If that's the case, I'd try adding that info into the second paragraph - even just something like "Today, I shall be killed and then start over again" would clear that up a little.

(I should note, it's possible that I'm just missing something obvious / it's just a me thing, and if that's the case, feel free to ignore what I've said!)

Grammar nitpicks aren't super fun or interesting, and don't really reflect the actual quality of the story (you can have a great story with a couple of typos, after all!), so I've put them in the spoiler below just to keep them out of the way ;)

Hey raindrops,

Thanks so much for requesting reviews! I'm excited to read your story! Let's get started...

Feeling the harsh wind on my tanned skin, the flying dust that enters my eyes, the flapping of soft water touching my feet, and the smell of salty air. This state is what I have awoken.

Somehow in every lifetime I end up killing three people including myself. But I solemnly swear to each grave of mine. I am not the murderer.

Hey Rain! I read the two previous reviews and everything I noticed that could have been pointed out are already there so just stick with what they say. This is awesome because that means I get to be the good guy!

Just saying, this is amazing! The loophole concept is so riveting and even in such a short work, you’ve managed to give your reader a clear idea of what the book will be about. What’s even more awesome, is that yo did it in a really well written way because I didn’t feel overwhelmed by any information and really just want to know what you are going to do with such an incredible idea.

Looking forward to you next chapters!

Keep on writing!
Honora

Hi @raindrops! I'm Yoshi and I'm here for a review!

First off, this is a pretty engaging start! I love it! Let's get started with the review then, shall we?

Feeling the harsh wind in my tanned skin,

Feeling the harsh wind in my tanned skin, the flying dust that enters my eyes, the flapping of soft water touching my feet, and the smell of salty air. This distant memory is what my body long for.

Today, I shall live again. Become new again. For the nth time, I shall be reborn. I wonder what I shall do next. Should I remain to be the introvert smart kid? Or test my luck in another sports? I might try bowling, but the unknown consequence of playing it frightens me.

I'm tired. Tired of repeating multiple timelines I've been trough over and over again. Tired of trying to find a solution to get away from the misery of this loophole. I can almost predict certain people's actions towards me, and have memorized many of the hateful words they have said, before and after my death. I even once chose to live my life in the most perfect manner it can be. But even that is not enough to keep me alive.

In the morning of April 3rd year 2002 I was born. Twenty-six years later I will die. Always at the same day and time, exactly at 6:37 in the morning. And in every death it is always a crime scene. But I'm not the victim. Somehow in every lifetime I end up killing three people including myself. But I solemnly swear to each grave of mine. I am not the killer.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review on this piece!!

First Impression: So this was a really interesting chapter one, its actually short and mysterious enough to serve a pretty effective prologue to be honest because do come away with a rather small amount of information about our protagonist and not to much about where he is and what he usually does but we do get introduced to a really interesting concept.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Feeling the harsh wind in my tanned skin, the flying dust that enters my eyes, the flapping of soft water touching my feet, and the smell of salty air. This distant memory is what my body long for.

Today, I shall live again. Become new again. For the nth time, I shall be reborn. I wonder what I shall do next. Should I remain to be the introvert smart kid? Or test my luck in another sports? I might try bowling, but the unknown consequence of playing it frightens me.

I'm tired. Tired of repeating multiple timelines I've been trough over and over again. Tired of trying to find a solution to get away from the misery of this loophole. I can almost predict certain people's actions towards me, and have memorized many of the hateful words they have said, before and after my death. I even once chose to live my life in the most perfect manner it can be. But even that is not enough to keep me alive.

In the morning of April 3rd year 2002 I was born. Twenty-six years later I will die. Always at the same day and time, exactly at 6:37 in the morning. And in every death it is always a crime scene. But I'm not the victim. Somehow in every lifetime I end up killing three people including myself. But I solemnly swear to each grave of mine. I am not the killer.