Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Romantic

E - Everyone

Bestfriends

by rahul20gandhi07


Why did i fall for you in this huge town?

Why did i have to face this torturous hound?

Why was it only you in this whole blue round?

Now, look what the fate beholds! 

I lie down crying on the floors.

We shared a lot of smiles and frowns

We faced a lot of ups and downs

Girl, you were the jewel of my crown

The Snoopy to my Charlie Brown

But now i am here, without you, like a noseless clown


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
58 Reviews


Points: 199
Reviews: 58

Donate
Fri Nov 11, 2016 6:35 pm
IzzyIsHappy wrote a review...



Heya it's Whosabell with her very first review! I'm no rookie though. So, very first of all CAPITALIZE YOUR I's! And secondly I love this. You have some very raw talent that not most people have. I have written my fair share of crappy poems and okay ones, but this is and okay one!
I love the way you describe your best friend in a way that makes you sad, and also makes it so we can relate to what you are saying. For me if I can connect with a reader in any way that is a huge plus. My favorite part was the nose less clown! ha! That was great. I like that you compare them to things that are precious and I can see that they are precious to you.

This was great, made my laugh, and had a great story.

Keep on writing! ~Whosabell



Random avatar


Thank you so much whosabell. This inspires me to enhance my writing capabilities. Glad I could connect to you. Many thanks.
P.S.- your username is quite a thing%uD83D%uDE04. Cheers



User avatar
223 Reviews


Points: 3766
Reviews: 223

Donate
Thu Nov 10, 2016 11:40 pm
ZeldaIsSheik wrote a review...



Hey, I will give this more in depth review now. I loved how you described your best friend, but I think it's really sad that you had to leave each other in the end! Readers like me have to wonder: Is this based off of your real-life experiences? It seems as if this could only be written by someone with a lot of experience in the field of best friendships, but I guess looking at myself I can pretty much think of anything to make up for a story, so it wouldn't have to be. :3 Good work!



Random avatar


Thank you so much ZeldalsShiek! I wish it weren't true but sadly, it is. I will give a thought at writing positive stuff soon. Hope you like it. Many thanks.



ZeldaIsSheik says...


No problem! Thanks for replying.



User avatar
117 Reviews


Points: 11345
Reviews: 117

Donate
Thu Nov 10, 2016 11:23 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, Rahul20gandhi07!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

I'm going to begin with the title. Auto correct is telling me that best friends is two words, instead of one. Although alternatively, you could put a hyphen in between the two words. I still suggest making it two words, personally.

I would like to point out the rhyme in the poem, and list some personal opinions/notes about it. These being that I'm not a fan of rhyme, and my reasoning behind this. My reasoning behind my disliking of rhyme is that it isn't something very necessary. It constricts the author into only being able to use specific sets of words. This can block the writer from being able to convey certain feelings/emotions because of the limited word choice. Every word has a rhyme, but not every rhyming word is the word the author really wants to use or is looking for.

The punctuation here is inconsistent, and it doesn't really appear to be intentional, either. I suggest either making all the punctuation consistent, or just removing the present punctuation altogether. I'm mostly eyeing that little period at the end of a line. I think the question marks are fine. There's also a capitalized "I" in a crowd of uncapitalized "i"'s.

You have several comparisons, and allusions present, but I still feel as if this poem lacks something. I think maybe some imagery could benefit the poem.

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope my review helped you out! ^-^



Random avatar


This review is very very helpful. Thank you for pointing out the amendments. You won't be disappointed any further(I'll try). Many thanks.



User avatar
223 Reviews


Points: 3766
Reviews: 223

Donate
Thu Nov 10, 2016 11:12 pm
ZeldaIsSheik says...



I think that you could change up the rhyme structure at the beginning, but other than that, it is good!



Random avatar


Point noted. And soon will be implemented




A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown