It's time for the next victim. I crawl out of my hole. I lick my claws clean before creeping from the cold delightfully dank bog I had slept in.
Tonight I want a lot of energy. I look around before deciding where to go. I go to a desert. I go to a place filled with the smell of sweat. I go to a place filled with despair.
I squeeze through the concrete into the barracks. There's energy here. I hear the sound of my claws across the floor as I scamper to the closest bed. I wrap my claws around the first man's arm. I can feel the energy moving with his blood. It is a sluggish flow, but quickly responds to me. I can feel the energy moving from him to me. I giggle and jump onto the top of the bunk. I take that man's energy. I jump across the room onto the next bed. Gleefully, I jump bed to bed, taking energy. I swing off the top of the last bed and stop just before I touch the last man.
But this isn't a man. This is a boy.
I almost want to leave, but then I see a dream. I lean closer and steal the breath out of the boy. His chest stops, but I could easily return his breath. I crawl to sit next to him on the small bed. Time to have some real fun. I return his breath and pry into his dream. He's dreaming of a girl…how sickening. Humans with their folly emotions. He is dancing with the girl. Love. Makes me want to puke up the energy I just consumed. I pry deeper and open up his memories of the girl.
They were best friends? They are in love? Sickening. I give him a new memory. I take that memory of their last moment and I kill her. I reach deep into the memory and throw her in front of a truck. I make her splatter and I make him watch.
He wakes with a start. He reaches for something under his pillow. A letter. I grab it from his hand and shove it into my mouth. I grin as his fear filled eyes finally see me. He fearfully studies my black scaly skin, my long sharp claws and my big red eyes.
"What's the matter?" I ask.
He shudders, but doesn't say a word. I narrow my eyes and catch his breath again. He falls back gasping for air. I laugh with glee. I give him back his breath.
"Splat," I whisper.
"Leave me alone," he says.
I laugh and pry into his memories again. I grab a random memory of the girl and make him see it again. He shudders as my new memory surfaces along with the random memory. I laugh at the pain pouring from him.
"What are you?" he asks.
I lean forward and hiss. He doesn't even flinch.
"You came here to die," I whisper. "You don't fear death, but you do fear me."
"I thought she was still alive," he whispers in a shaky voice. He is training to be a marine and he's going to cry? How disappointing.
I laugh. "She's not. She splattered. That teddy bear you gave her splattered with her."
He shakes his head as I laugh. Tears drip slowly from his eyes. He throws off the blanket and gets out of the bed. He runs to the door, but I make it lock. I go to the first corpse and dig my teeth into the cold flesh. The boy sinks to the floor, crying. I laugh accidentally spraying a mouthful of blood over the half flattened corpse. He's thinking of the girl now. He's thinking of the memory I created for him. I grab the next memory. This one's buried deep down.
"NO!" he screams.
I laugh again. This is getting hilarious. I drain the next corpse. He's rocking back and forth now. He's nails are digging into the skin of his forehead. I walk over and hold out a knife that was under the pillow of one of the men. His eyes focus on it. I grin happily.
"You don't fear death," I say, waving the knife in front of his face, "but you do fear me!"
He covers his face with his hands. And now...that he's gone...she's next.
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Canary word: Present
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I really like this story and the ending gave me chills! I think that you might need to look at some punctuation at the start, like maybe putting a few commas here and there to break it up so the events can soak in. Personally I would be more descriptive with the journey to the army/marine place and maybe slow the events down a little bit too. I think if the places were described in more detail then it would make it just a little more....wholesome. Maybe when he enters the base, you could describe how the men were sleeping;heavy breathing, tossing and turning etc and maybe throw in a few details of what the room looks like. Are there any crumpled uniforms, empty canteens, magazines etc. Nevertheless I really did enjoy this story and it made me shiver when I imagined what else he could do. Keep up the good work!xx
CrazyWriter
>I almost want to leave, but then I see a dream. I lean closer and steal the breath out of the boy. His chest stops, but I could easily return his breath. I crawl to sit next to him on the small bed. Time to have some real fun. I return his breath and pry into his dream. He's dreaming of a girl…how sickening. Humans with their folly emotions. He is dancing with the girl. Love. Makes me want to puke up the energy I just consumed. I pry deeper and open up his memories of the girl.
Now it could be intentional, if so that's ok, but you seem to be lacking a variety of style. Read this excerpt I quoted, notice how many sentences begin with I or He? And it's not just the beginning of your sentences either.
>I take that memory of their last moment and I kill her. I reach deep into the memory and throw her in front of a truck. I make her splatter and I make him watch.
"I do this and i do that. I do this and i do that. I do this and I do that."
See what I mean? Now again, this could be completely intentional and if so I feel like an idiot.
I'm also noticing some lack in description. Of course you start out your story of the monster describing the depths of which it came, but you don't really go beyond that.
"The boys face drains of all color, leaving a chalk white mask."
I know that's not really a good description, but i think it gets my point across.
Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of you.
That was an absolutely brilliant story! I really felt for the child! It made me really sad when he got killed!!!!
Maybe you should be a bit more descriptive of the characters such as the boy and the creature, though. I couldn't really picture the creature very well and I would have felt more for the kid if you'd described him better. Once again I say: Awesome work for your first writing on this website!! 
Thanks
You're welcome!!!