Life, as we know it, is dull and exciting. We may not see what we have before us, but we remember what we have behind us. We are too much of conformists, following the newest fads and wanting to be just like the girls on the covers of "Teen Magazine" and "Cover Girl". Little did we know, we were only at the beginning of discovering ourselves.
You see, Margaret and I hadn't always been the best of friends. In fact, for the longest time I had loathed her. We just didn't click. She was a typical emo, "oh woe is me" brat, and I, well I was loud and vibrant and loved by most people. I guess the only thing we had in common was our "I don't give a f*ck" attitude and a love for the same boy. But, when I was forced to work on a history project with her, I realized just how much alike we really were.
It was our junior year when the wonderful, and I use that term lightly, Mrs. Finn decided that our class was too "immature to pick our own partners". Jayden's face fell whenever she wasn't picked by Mrs. Finn to be my partner, but she began snickering whenever she heard that I was being paired with Margaret.
My face instantly fell. Of all the damn people in the class, she just had to be my partner. I was going to die. I didn't even listen to the rest of the lecture. I was too busy thinking about how unfortunate I was. I mean, for God's sake, why did He have to punish me? I hadn't had sex in weeks, and I wasn't planning on doing it again. The first time was not as satisfying as everyone said it would be. I hadn't lied to my parents in the past month, to my remembering knowledge anyways. And I was pretty sure I'd already repented all my other sins. Why was He making me be destined to work with... Her?
The bell rang and I almost shoved past Margaret, but then I slowed and stopped near her desk. I stared at her Sharpie covered binders, and saw her tattered converse out of the corner of my eye. I traced one of the letters. Unwillingly, I didn't notice I had looked up until I was lost in the blue-gray pools of her eyes. She was staring back, and gave me a half smile.
"Hi, Winter. Funny us being partners." She said, giving me the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she wasn't too bad. I shook that idea out of my mind. She wasn't one of us. She was one of them. "Uh, we could meet at my place after school...?" she offered with a shy smile. I must have looked horrified because her smile instantly faded and she pushed past me, half whispering, half crying, "Or we'll meet at yours..." and with that she was gone.
I looked after her and I felt my stomach twist into a knot. I hadn't meant to hurt her. I had just felt slightly disgusted that the freak had wanted me to go to her house. God. Was I really that cruel? It wasn't meant to be mean, I mean, come on! Of all the people I had to be mean to, she had really tried to be nice to me, andin return I had been a total b*tch. Like always. I groaned and slowly walked out of class as the warning bell dinged.
By the time lunch had rolled around, I had put the fact that I was supposed to be Margaret's partner in the back of my mind. I was laughing and joking with my friends at the lunch table. Simple things, not like they were bad, just sneers. Okay, maybe that was bad. But nobody's perfect!
"So, Win, how's the partner in History?" I heard Jayden snicker behind my head. I turned and glared up at her. I swear, sometimes best friends are the worst. "I heard she has a major crush on you." She continued, laughing at me, and nudging me in the ribs.
The rest of us were laughing too. It felt wonderful to once again be united with my friends. The truest people I had. They were the ones I partied with, I had feuds with and I was a little competitive with. Especially Jayden. We did practically everything together, we had always done everything together. We grew up as neighbors, but then my parents divorced and my mom took me away from here. After years and years of begging and pleading and late night phone calls and promises to everyone, I was back by my freshman year. I was going to graduate with these people. I stared around the table at the familiar faces.
My eyes fell on Brad first. He was my first boyfriend in elementary school. How silly and cute we were back then. We actually thought we had a chance of lasting. He took me to the dance for the Fall Festival. Our parents thought we were too precious, well our mothers anyways. Other than Jayden, he was my best friend.
They wandered to the right of Brad and I noticed his arms was loosely draped over Michelle's shoulders. Michelle and I had just gotten out of a feud, but we were okay for the time being. She and I were always in some sort of feud. Either it was grades or the cutest boyfriend. I pointed out to her, just about every day, that all of her boyfriends were sloppy seconds of mine and they "loved" me first. She was never one to be seen as smart, until I challenged her intelligence one day, and she's been living in the light of she's too smart for anyone.
Next was Jace. He was Jayden's kid brother. And when I say kid, I mean by a few minutes. They were twins, and you could tell. If Jayden wouldn't dye her hair brown hair blond and cut it all off, she would match him perfectly. He was a football player and was on the lacrosse team.
My eyes then wandered over to Ears. He was the closest to an emo kid we had, and he was more of a punk than an emo. He was lovable and he was great at soccer. I mean, he wasn't the greatest, most heart warming kid, but he was okay.
I got up and dumped my half eaten sanwhich in the trash can before returning to my table, but then I thought better. I wasn't in the mood to continue to be the butt of their jokes. Before I could control my feet, I found myself walking towards the "Forbidden" side of the lunchroom. Right over to Margaret's table. Her friends looked up at me, and sneered. They had ugly piercings and thick black make-up all over their faces. I looked around, praying that I would see her outrageous bow above everyone else's heads.
"What do you want?" A voice growled at me. I turned to see a boy, about a foot higher than me. He was wearing chains and had thick black eye-liner, applied all wrong, under his eyes. "If you're here to make fun of us-" He cut off and looked behind me. "You're here by yourself..." He said, almost astonished. I felt my head nod slowly, and I spotted the large green bow peeping out from behind a massive book.
I felt my feet once again lead me towards Margaret. I was becoming very nervous as everyone in the lunch room stared at me. I was taking the "Leap of Faith" as the kids in the school called it. Once you go "Black", you could never go back. No one would look at me the same. Sometimes I think that's the best part about walking over to Margaret. That, or the fact I was finally resisting protocall. The one thing that kept me from turning back was probably the look on Margaret's face. The hope in her eyes. I couldn't crush that again. I couldn't even fathom how I would be able to resist it.
"Hi." I said meekly, staring at the cover of her book. It was tattered and worn, like she had read the book a thousand times. Come to think of it, she probably had. I then let my mind wander. She was about my size, not petite, but not too fat. Maybe no more than 240 pounds. Her black hair matched mine, long and flowy. She had pale skin, that was a major contrast to my own tanned complexion.
She glanced up at me, and gestured for me to take a seat. Once I had, she took her conversed feet off of the table, sat up straight, and looked at me. Grace was in her face and I knew she had forgiven me for earlier. "Hello. Funny seeing you on the side of the lunchroom." She said, nodding over my table of friends, who were just staring at me and whispering to each other. Probably deciding how low my social status had fallen. But, at that moment, I didn't care. I was out to make things right. I didn't want to make this simple acquaintanceship with Margaret turn into a total bawl. I wasn't about to wring my neck because of this, but I might barely sprain my toe.
"I was just, uh, wanting to apologize for earlier..." I mumbled, glancing around, feeling my cheeks go hot. "I shouldn't have been a total b*tch." I added, swinging my feet. She smiled and touched my arm. I looked up and once again I was being sucked into the gray pools of her eyes. My soul was swimming. Maybe I'm a bit crazy for thinking such things, but it felt right at the moment.
"It's okay." She said, smiling slightly. But there was something behind her smile. Something I couldn't place. It was like she was trying to tell me something completely different than what her words were able to tell. I was falling into her blue-gray eyes again. She was feasting on my soul.
I snapped out of it when the lunch bell rang. "I'll be at your house at five-thirty sharp." I managed to sputter before I dashed off to my math class. I wasn't sure what was happening to me... She was just another girl. One we made fun of, sure. I can handle that. I can't handle when she looks at me and I catch her gaze and it's like she's seeing right through me. Reading my thoughts. Seeing my heart. She was totaly destroying the life I had worked so hard to put together.
As I walked into Math, the voices stopped talking and everyone's eyes were on me. Jace looked at me with complete concern on his face. He knew that I, of all people, shouldn't be going over to the "Forbidden" side. No matter what. Even if it was to confer with a study partner. I couldn't even match his gaze and I felt my cheeks grow hotter as I stumbled towards my seat.
A few moments later a folded note was on my desk. I glanced up and I saw that Jace and Michelle were both staring at me now, and Michelle was whispering in his ear. Jace knew not to listen to Michelle, no matter how badly she wanted to ruin my life, he wouldn't listen to her. Our gaze met and he nodded, indicating it was from him. I nodded back slightly and unfolded the paper.
Are you okay? was scribbled on the paper.
Am I okay... What a simple phrase. One showing so much concern for someone else, and yet, it seemed to have a mocking tone.
No I'm not okay. I just took the f*cking Leap of Faith. Now what am I supposed to do? Let that stupid project ruin everything I've ever worked for? I scribbled back and when Mr. Gonzalez's back was turned, I tossed the note over to Jace.
A few seconds later, the note was back on my desk. I glanced up to make sure that Old Gonzalez wasn't paying attention to us before I opened the paper up again.
Whinnie, just give her a change. Margaret isn't all that bad. She's my lab partner in Chem. She's pretty cool. Just give it a shot. Jayden doesn't know what she's talking about, she's just jealous. Don't tell her I said that though...
Wait. Jace was her lab partner? Could this get any worse? I mean. I had done a fair job of keeping my emotions down whenever Michelle tried to be his girlfriend, of course he always politely told her no, but now the Freak was his LAB PARTNER? How did I not notice? Of course she was in love with Jace. And so was I. She was trying to read me to see if I was in love with him. That's what she was up to.
But he thought she was okay... Did that mean he liked her too? I felt my heart stop. He couldn't like her. I know that sounds selfish, but he just couldn't. She wasn't one of us. She was an "emo". A "Forbidden." Not a "jock". And nowhere near "Prep". It was just impossible.
I sat there for the rest of the period, his note still sitting on my desk, and just stared at the board at the front of the room, not even paying a bit of attention. Maybe I was just being childish and completely insecure. Or, maybe I was terrified I would lose my last link to my old life. Because, where I was headed wasn't back to my old friends, it was into a life with a new one.
After school, I ran to my car and literally sped all the way to the middle school my younger brother, Wesley, attended that was all the way across town. I swear, my Volkswagon bug has never gone that fast since then, and it wasn't meant to go that fast at the time. I mean, I almost ran over a kid that was in the cross walk for Christ's sake! I guess I was too upset with all that had happened that I hadn't even noticed my brother had gotten into the car.
"WINTER!" he bellowed over a car horn that was honking at me to get a move on it. "Snap outta your trance and just get me home." he ordered. Gravy. For a thirteen year old, he could sure be bossy. I nodded my head to let him know I had acknowledged him before my eyes riveted to my knuckles that were whiter than snow. I loosened my Hulk-like grip and drove home, this time obeying the speed limit.
Around 5:30, I pulled up in front of a nice looking house. I was shocked. It was almost a twin to my own. Blue painted window shutters. A white front porch. Two stories. A nice, well-kept lawn. Normal. But if these things were so normal, why wasn't Margaret normal? Or was she normal to herself? Was I the outcast? Or was I the bully? Was Margaret sincere? Or was I just too pushy?
I pondered these thoughts as I walked up the steps, the top one creaking under my weight. All of the sudden I froze. From inside the house I heard dishes crashing and distant screaming. My mind rewound itself to when I was ten and I was coming in from playing with Jayden and Jace, my house almost identical to this one, and I heard the screaming and dishes clattering. It wasn't long after that that my parents got their divorce, and I was forced to move away.
I snapped back to reality as Margaret appeared. Her face was tear stained, and her hair was tousled. She stopped dead in her tracks, the door barely able to close behind her. I just stood there, feeling as if I was naked. I couldn't bring myself to speak and her eyes were completely gray. Not even a hint of blue was traceable. The stains were like dried up river beds, and her eyes locked with mine, only this time, I didn't feel like she was feasting on my soul.
"Oh..Hey...We can go to the library..." she finally said regaining her composure. I nodded and slowly walked to my car, looking at her out of the corner of my eye. I knew she was just like me.
Broken.
Lonely.
Looking for acceptance.
I waited for her to get in the car before I made my way to the other side. I slipped in and just sat behind the wheel. I didn't know if we really needed to go down the road and, really, sit at the library, which was closing soon anyways, or if she wanted someone to talk to. I didn't know what she wanted or how I could help.
"You know, you're the first person that has actually come to my house..." she whispered. I stared at the steering wheel. One crack. Two cracks. Three... Four... Wait, I counted that one twice... "No one likes me. They're all scared of me." she continued, her voice staying barely audible. Hurt slowly crept into my heart and I looked at her. The tears were slowly rolling down her cheeks. "They all turn me away. They never want to get to know who I am. They just automatically judge me because I wear black and sport a nose ring." She sobbed, her heart shaped nose stud dancing in front of me.
It was in that instant I realized what I was going to do. My heart was pounding, my ears couldn't take her pain anymore. I crankedthe car, and sped down the road to the closest coffee shop. I knew people would stare, but I didn't care at the time. She looked at me, her "I don't give a f*ck" attitude had changed completely. Now she was a small, scared, insecure girl. A human. And it was the mirror image of me.
I took her hand and she was still staring at me, once again feasting on my soul, only this time I didn't really care. I was happy to be there, to be her friend. "Margaret, I'm here. You're not alone. No matter what anyone else thinks of you, I think you're amazing." I said, smiling and I squeezed her hand.
She grinned, wider than I had ever seen her grin. "Ya know, I trust you." she said, choking back more tears. "No wonder he likes you so much..." she said again, looking at me, cocking her head. "You have a pure heart, Whinnie." She continued. "A wonderfully, pure heart." She repeated, and nodded as if that's what she needed to say.
I looked at her confused. "Who?" I asked, wondering who would like me. And then I saw a smile curl on her face again. It was then I knew what she had been doing. She had been looking into my heart and soul to see if I loved him back. Not because she wanted to know, but because he wanted to know.
Jace.
"You know who." she smiled, seeing it in my eyes. And with that we got out, giggling like the couple of school girls we were.
We made a 99 on the History project we were assigned, and after that, Margaret and I had been best friends. Jace and I got together, and even though Jayden didn't exactly approve, she tolerated it. After all, there was only one more year left.
But remember, everything and everyone is beautiful. Even a potato. Because, beauty isn't what's on the outside, but the goodness on the inside. Just like a potato. You may not like the skin, but the "meat" is what you need to look for.
Hey ractavia,
Fantastic morale. You can never go wrong with 'everyone is beautiful.' This was a very nice way to express that.
At first I thought the characters were a bit sterotyped by you did fine, doing great in the end.
Life, as we know it, is dull and exciting. We may not see what we have before us, but we remember what we have behind us. We are too much of conformists, following the newest fads and wanting to be just like the girls on the covers of "Teen Magazine" and "Cover Girl". Little did we know, we were only at the beginning of discovering ourselves.
-Who is we here? Is it Margaret and Whinnie or girls in general or people in general or what?
"I don't give a f*ck" attitude and a love for the same boy.
- Just type the whole word. An asterik doesn't make a word any less offensive. Be sure to rate it properly.
It was our junior year when the wonderful, and I use that term lightly, Mrs. Finn decided that our class was too "immature to pick our own partners". Jayden's face fell whenever she wasn't picked by Mrs. Finn to be my partner, but she began snickering whenever she heard that I was being paired with Margaret.
I mean, for God's sake, why did He have to punish me? I hadn't had sex in weeks, and I wasn't planning on doing it again. The first time was not as satisfying as everyone said it would be. I hadn't lied to my parents in the past month, to my remembering knowledge anyways. And I was pretty sure I'd already repented all my other sins. Why was He making me be destined to work with... Her?
-The random God must hate me rant isn't really giving anything to the story. We realize Whinnie hates Margaret before now. This is just taking up space.
The bell rang and I almost shoved past Margaret, but then I slowed and stopped near her desk. I stared at her Sharpie covered binders, and saw her tattered converse out of the corner of my eye. I traced one of the letters.
- Letters of what? Even in context it's confusing
I must have looked horrified because her smile instantly faded and she pushed past me, half whispering, half crying, "Or we'll meet at yours..." and with that she was gone.
- I can't really see anyone being that hurt over a look. Perhaps try a disgusted look in return or a brush past. Make it so that she's angry instead of hurt. The outcome would be the same and the reaction more believable.
My eyes fell on Brad first... I mean, he wasn't the greatest, most heart warming kid, but he was okay.
-These introduction paragraphs, with the exception of Jace aren't necessary. Unless this story is going to be continued into an anthology of some sort or something, we don't need to know those characters. They don't impact the story AT ALL.
I got up and dumped my half eaten sanwhich in the trash can before returning to my table, but then I thought better. I wasn't in the mood to continue to be the butt of their jokes.
-I don't quite understand what happened here. Why did she get so angry? I love what happens next, so don't get rid of this, but give her a reason to leave.
I felt my feet once again lead me towards Margaret. I was becoming very nervous as everyone in the lunch room stared at me. I was taking the "Leap of Faith" as the kids in the school called it. Once you go "Black", you could never go back. No one would look at me the same. Sometimes I think that's the best part about walking over to Margaret. That, or the fact I was finally resisting protocall.
-LOVE THIS. I would even draw it out. The 'Leap of Faith' is fantastic and one of the big plot steps of this story.
I wasn't about to wring my neck because of this, but I might barely sprain my toe.
-Don't understand this saying.
She was feasting on my soul.
-I think of hellbound demons and monsters from the abyss feasting on souls, not future friends. Reading may be better?
- The entire middle part of this is unnecessarily dramatic. It's not even believable. The whole crazy driving thing isn't even properly explained. Why is she so upset? If you want this to work out, I would put more evidence into Jace being attracted to Margaret and viceversa.
I knew she was just like me.
Broken.
Lonely.
Looking for acceptance.
-FANTASTIC!
I knew people would stare, but I didn't care at the time.
-Why would people stare?
But remember, everything and everyone is beautiful. Even a potato. Because, beauty isn't what's on the outside, but the goodness on the inside. Just like a potato. You may not like the skin, but the "meat" is what you need to look for.
-Beautiful ending.
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I would watch for overdramatic responses to things.
There are a few, VERY few, small typos that you should read for.
-Otherwise fantastic job.
Forgot to say, if you ever need another review, just ask me. I would be happy to read more of your stuff.