And what was I thinking

Very relatable poem not just to girls, but anyone really. I can say I've been in the situation myself with ease. As gravity stated, sometime you seem forced when trying to rhyme. It is such a cute poem though that I didn't really mind.
I enjoyed reading your style of writing, very simple but gives just the right amount of emotion.
Hope you have a good day!
xoxo

Heya! Gravity here for a quick review!
So I read through this poem and I honestly think you only hurt yourself by trying to make it rhyme. I understand why you did it but the rhyming to me seems forced in several places and it affects the overall tone of the piece. I think you would've been better off doing this without rhyming?

Okay so I like the concept except this guy or this girl gave the MC a ride and suddenly "this thing has grown" which I don't get. It's just a ride. It's not like they were hanging out or maybe they did and you didn't tell us. I think this is one way in which the plot could be developed more.

Also the MC says heartbreak is nothing new and they don't seem heartbroken. Embarrassed? Yes. Hurt? Yes. Devastated and heartbroken? Not so much. And I think this isn't your fault because you wanted to rhyme but I think it took away your ability to portray much emotion.

So overall, it's a good concept but I think it could use some work.

XOXO,
Gravity

Hi ,

I really liked this poem, as it was short, sweet and very relatable. I particularly like the line, 'You picked me up Monday and gave me a ride

Why was I nervous? To calm my breath I tried,'
The rhetorical question in the last line really added to the relate ability of the poem, as it made me wonder, why do people get nervous on first dates? The answer, of course, is obvious, but I'm glad the question was there anyway as it made me think a little more deeply about the poem.
One of the things that I think you could improve on is quite a small thing, but I mention it so you can make your poem even better. Most of it is written in rhyming couplets, for example, 'What was I thinking getting caught up with you

But then again, heartbreak was nothing so new,'
but there is one line that does not meet the rest of the poem's rhyming scheme, 'It was then that I realized that I was a pawn.'
If you meant this line to not be a part of the scheme to make it stand out because the protagonist is having a sort of epiphany moment then I commend you on that enormously, because that's a smart move. However, if not, I suggest you revise your rhyming.
I also didn't understand the line, 'But inside I knew it was just as I feared.'
What is it she is afraid of? At that point the person hasn't started dating the guy yet so the fact that they are afraid is a little unusual.
But apart from that, your poem was flawless, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
priceofwords

the poem is good and simple, it begun like a simple teen imagination but at the end it was real mature. if i were to nitpick i would comment in these points-
"But inside I knew it was just as I feared" what did you fear and all of a sudden why did you fear when you had never known that person would approach you
i like the use of lyric as i myself almost always like lyrical poems but in your work i can notice that you are being restricted in your words for the tune. i hope you can come up with some better emotions at some places which are mismatching
the first part is a trial to throw an imagery but it doesn't effect the reader that much, perhaps the use of some adjectives before snow would have a stronger effect.
i am perhaps being too cheesy but please change the second line, it kills the keeling with specifically the word "though". you are a good poet so i think you can come up with more appropriate word...
the poem was really sweet and cute , keep writing and you will do a lot better...
Rituparna

Hi Rachell. Siya here to write a new review. So i would start out by telling you that i really liked your title, it kind of random and yet it still grabbed my attention. I really liked you poem it doesn't give you straight facts but draws a good image of what is going on in simple words. You have a really simple way of writing but that is ok since we are reading a poem not a dictionary. i liked that you used a rhyming scheme and your sentences still didn't seem forced like mine do. i really liked the way yo ended this poem with a simple-
'I whisper to me "And what was I thinking?" '
good job keep it up and continue writing

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin on how most of this poem uses a tone of wonder and adventure while the rest uses imagery (in a sense) also how might someone could compare to this poem as emotional or physically. Also the end rhyming you do in this poem, to give itself balance.

Nitpick(s):

heartbreak was nothing so new

that this THING had grown