Today I am a bit upset.
Today my best friend does not feel like my best friend.
Today my love does not feel like my love.
Today I realized how lonely my soul is.
Today my family does not feel like my family.
I do not know why?
Why people?
My own people do not feel like my people.
Is it true?
People do not love you.
They love you.
When you have got something.
And if you have got nothing?
People do not love you.
Everyone has got something.
To be someone they are today.
And if you have got nothing?
If that something is a nothing?
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
I noticed some punctuation errors (there's no need to end every sentence with a period and some of your statements that end with question marks aren't actually questions). Some of your statements are contradictory-which might be what you mean them to do- but you may want to consider rephrasing them. I like the topic/concept just work on fixing those little errors.
Thanks for sharing. I like the understatement of feeling just a bit upset before going into to the description of the total disaster of feeling friendless and loveless. Funny in a way. LOL! Also, the question of "why people?" also seems a bit humorous to me. Apart from those brief moments of mirth, I couldn't get emotionally into the poem because no background information is provided in order to enable me to make a moral call.
Complaining or griping about a situation doesn't mean that the complainer who described himself as the victim is always right. There are some people in life who are like the proverbial bull in a China shop in reference to human relations. Then they can't understand why people appear to be avoiding them. Since as a reader I have no way of knowing that this is or is not the case, all I can do is perceive someone who FEELS in the way described and then wisely remain neutral.
Suggestions:
The poem would be greatly improved by giving the reader a reason to care. Mentioning good deeds done on behalf of friends and family but yet unappreciated is one way. Saying that one has nothing doesn't tell the reader exactly what that something that is missing is. Is it talent? Is it looks? Is it wealth? Is it reputation? Is it charisma? A personality that exudes kindness? Fame? So I would try to be more specific.
About everyone having something to make him or a person? That is obviously true. It doesn't mean that the something is desirable-right?
Capitalizing every first word of every new line interferes with sense here:
They love you[.] [Should be a comma.
[W]hen you have got something.
The repetition of "have got" was also distracting because the question of whether the author knows that it might be considered ungrammatical distracts.
Hi! Izzy here for a review!
I really like this, and can relate to it 100%
Grammatically I am not good an reviewing, but I think it looks okay
This is about that feeling of emptiness? Yes? No? Maybe?
And feeling that wave of sadness when you are around people you love...I may be wrong. But that is what I got out of it.
Good job!
Izzy