Before the Escape

Hi quitecontrary,

Mailice here with a short review!

With a title like "Before the Escape" you can think of many things that could be related to the terms. Your take on the story was one I wasn't familiar with and I liked it a lot.

It had this mysterious, strange way of being unknown, and it was only with the appearance of the next section that the story became clearer and more distinct, like waking up after a dream where you don't quite know if you're still dreaming or not.

With the first paragraph, you managed to give a detailed description filled with many ideas. I like the way you remain so vague and the reader doesn't know where he or she is. It adds a lot to the suspense and the questions you ask yourself as you read. The passage seems very poetic and a bit like an elegy.

It was so quiet without the moon shining down; the very night swallowed up all noise to oblivion, kneading and folding reality like an old scrap of dough.

Only the stone floor survived, a cold memorial of who I was.

I shook the terrors of the night from my mind like old cobwebs, afraid to pursue those thoughts in the light.

The church bells tolled 10 o'clock, and the wooden door whispered as it opened inwards.

Far better to wait than let my enemies know I am alive.

Hey, there! This is VP with a review!

Similar to Harry's format, I'm going to critique each paragraph first.

"It was so quiet without the moon shining down; the very night swallowed up all noise to oblivion, kneading and folding reality like an old scrap of dough. Only the stone floor survived, a cold memorial of who I was. On nights like these it was the only thing that kept me sane, the only thing that kept me from grinding my teeth against the constant sound of dripping water. Slowly drifting in and out of consciousness, anchored to this world by the silver hovering above my head and the stone beneath my feet. So quiet I could feel the Earth spin, a revolutionary thought that even my slow descent into madness could not grapple with."

-I really like the adjectives you've used here. The attention to detail really defines this short story and makes it seem like the beginning or rising action in a longer work.
-I think it reads easier if the first sentence stands alone and then you place a semicolon after the second sentence.
-With the last sentence, I think it would be easier to understand if you said "It was so quiet [...]"

"When the dawn came, I was sitting up in the cot with my head against the wall, breath shallow as my mind drowned in the deep recesses of sleep. The latch would click as the guard came with food, but I didn’t recognize it. It was only when the shuffle of feet outside was joined with early morning shouts and conversation that I felt myself caught and drawn up, a soft hook that pierced my cheek nonetheless. I shook the terrors of the night from my mind like old cobwebs, afraid to pursue those thoughts in the light. The meager fair that the guard left lay untouched on the floor, and I slowly walked towards it. It seemed there was more bread than usual in the platter, and the white grains had little dots of red raspberries in them. It was the day of my trial."

-I'm curious as to why he recieved more bread, especially with raspberries added. Were these final rites before a death conviction?
-I saw no grammatical/comprehensive errors.

"I ate slowly, my thoughts muddled and disjointed. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I had to escape, but my brain kept turning back to the fact that I could easily defend myself. I needed to clear my head. Placing my cot in the middle of the small room, I jumped over it, feeling the strain in my legs from two weeks of nothing. The church bells tolled 10 o’clock, and the wooden door whispered as it opened inwards. This time the guard was waiting outside with a rough rope to bind my hands. My wrists shied away from their tight embrace, but I let myself be led down the narrow walkway, grazing the stairs with my bare feet. Nobody would be arguing for me today—I couldn’t risk becoming known. Far better to wait than let my enemies know I am alive."

-I'd love to read how the narrator escapes-- or, at the very east, tries to escape.
-The last sentence confuses me. The way I read it, the sentence implies that the narrator has already escaped. Am I overthinking it, or was this meant to be worded this way?

Overall, I liked this. 4/5. Keep writing!

Hey there!

I am here for a quick review. This short story was quite good because of the mystery and suspense that you built to make it more interesting. The first para that dealt with losing sanity and slowly losing mind was very well depicted. The imagery was quite impressive and your vocabulary is also good. I especially liked the opening sentence.
It wasn't until the second paragraph that I could figure out what was actually going on. The person was in some sort of prison waiting for a trial. The way you described it felt it was really hard for him to live through this phase. I was really intrigued with what kind of crime would have landed him here, was he innocent or just a criminal. But this is the thing with such flash fictions where we are just left to speculate about the story and the mystery behind it.
The anxiety of the person just before the trial could be felt in the last para. I really wonder what did he mean when he says he couldn't risk becoming known. What were his intentions. Anyways the story ended on suspense and I was really intrigued by your entire work. As I said your imagery was really great and I liked your description.

Great work!
Keep writing

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! Here to review a short story for a change courtesy of the After Watch.

First Impression: Well that sounds like a pretty intriguing story right there. Seems almost like a bit of a short prologue.

Anyway let's get to it,

It was so quiet without the moon shining down; the very night swallowed up all noise to oblivion, kneading and folding reality like an old scrap of dough. Only the stone floor survived, a cold memorial of who I was. On nights like these it was the only thing that kept me sane, the only thing that kept me from grinding my teeth against the constant sound of dripping water. Slowly drifting in and out of consciousness, anchored to this world by the silver hovering above my head and the stone beneath my feet. So quiet I could feel the Earth slowly spin, a revolutionary thought that even my slow descent into madness could not grapple with.

When the dawn came, I was sitting up in the cot with my head against the wall, breath shallow as my mind drowned in the deep recesses of sleep. The latch would click as the guard came with food, but I didn’t recognize it. It was only when the shuffle of feet outside was joined with early morning shouts and conversation that I felt myself caught and drawn up, a soft hook that pierced my cheek nonetheless. I shook the terrors of the night from my mind like old cobwebs, afraid to pursue those thoughts in the light. The meager fair that the guard left lay untouched on the floor, and I slowly walked towards it. It seemed there was more bread than usual in the platter, and the white grains had little dots of red raspberries in them. It was the day of my trial.

I ate slowly and then walked around the cell, slowly gaining speed until I was jogging back and forth between the walls. I placed my cot in the middle of the floor and jumped over it, feeling the strain in my legs from two weeks of nothing but this. After a while the door opened again, and this time the guard was waiting outside with a rough rope to bind my hands. I stepped into their tight embrace and let myself be led down the short walkway into the meeting room of the town hall. Nobody would be arguing for me today—I couldn’t risk becoming known. Far better to wait than let my enemies know I am alive.

Greetings fellow writer, I'm Thorn, and I'll be reviewing this little thing. Buckle up and sit back because I'm speeding into this.

My opinion of this is how it's written. It's short, but not sweet in any way. It looks almost childish because of the length and idea of the general story. The idea is not creative and mostly overused, but that doesn't mean much toward the content within this as that is only my mere opinion on parts of stories and the person who made the story, so I believe that worrying won't do a thing.

Onto the advice portion and criticism that I can give to you.

--->"I ate slowly and then walked around the cell, slowly gaining speed until I was jogging back and forth between the walls."
-> This could've been done in a fashion that would do wonders. It could make the visionary a wee bit better, the content longer and drawn out instead of fast paced and shorter, and just giving it more of that 'it' factor many readers like.

--->"When the dawn came, I was sitting up in the cot with my head against the wall, breath shallow as my mind drowned in the deep recesses of sleep. "
-> Now this is what I am talking about. It's in much more detail and really brings everything to life. I wish it was present more, but it's written nicely.

With what I said above, the writing changes from highly detailed to sometimes basicly spread out sentences, which isn't a good style.

Remember to ask if anything confuses you about this review or about what I mean with anything that I say, I don't think I'm mean.

Catch you later.

This is actually really good! you should be proud. I was sucked right into the moment and I already want to know more about your main character! keep up the great work!!

This is actually really good! you should be proud. I was sucked right into the moment and I already want to know more about your main character! keep up the great work!!