Hey there quietgirl! Welcome to YWS, we're happy to have you! 
The others below me have mentioned that this work might be better suited as a blog post or a wall post or something like that, so I won't go into that too much. I know new sites can be a bit confusing, and it can be a little confusing to know where to post different things. But the basic idea, is that when you publish something through the publishing center, you want reviews or critiques about that piece (and it costs 200 points). You get more points by reviewing, so it becomes a cyclical process. General thoughts/problems/questions/everything else can be posted on your wall, your blog, or in the forums so you don't have to spend points.
I can see how this piece could go either way - I'm not sure if this is a real experience you had and want to vent about (totally okay if that's the case!) or if this is part of a larger thing you're working on. It almost has a gossip girl vibe to it, like anonymously posting about other people/problems. The "see ya next problem on disappear.daily" is what really gave me that vibe. If that's the case, I would looooooove to see this expanded into a larger story because I <3 gossip girl.
I'm nervous to critique this because again, I'm not sure if it's a real experience you're trying to get off your chest or not and I don't want to critique it if that's the case. So, let me know what your intention was for this piece and what (if any) plans you have for it, and I can give you a more helpful critique!
And let me know if you have any questions or if there's anything I can do to help you get used to the site!
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