Published March 29, 2009
My name is Jesus Quezada, I wrote this song with my friend just to have fun, most of these verses may have no sense but it brings a lot of good memories, we were playing Lennon/McCartney way of writing songs 
. Sorry if I wrote something wrong, my English is sometimes bad when I’m writing it, I’m Mexican.
I’m walking and see in a fountain
a friend coming down from the sky
and his name is Jesus
Coming for a sweet revenge
is it? Is it? Is it my dog?
My father was young when he gave me that dog
I don't know why
He's coming to bed
She's my daughter, she is the hunter
She hunts my life... She hunts my clock
I’m lost in time
But their lips are in the ground
Ready for bloom
The sky is in my eye
The wind is in my ears
The life is all around
The happiness is not a joke
Then I sing now that song
I’m a train I’m the ocean
A boy in your dreams
A pig in a pistol of some walrus
I’m high on my bed
The leisure... your best friend
You're in the train
The sky is in my eye
The wind is in my ears
The life is all around
The happiness is not a joke
Close your eyes, open your mind
We will scream....
The sky is in my eye
the wind is in my ears
the life is all around
the happiness is not a joke
Martinez/Quezada©
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Oh, LOL, Okay sorry about that. It was a miss understanding
hey, hello,
the other guy wrote that
and i am this jesus
that day he lost all my money
and i said "dude i'm gonna have some revenge, i don't know when, maybe in your dreams"
coming down from the sky: that part has his story, One day I jump from the roof for scare him, and he said, “Dude! It looks like you felt down from the sky!” that was funny, so I forgot to tell that Jesus (the one of the catholic) has noting to do with this song. (Sorry if I said something wrong, I’m practicing my English)
Hola, me llamo Colt. Si, yo hablo espanol.
We have a rule here stating you must review two works before posting your own. So please go review! Thank you. Oh, and no chatspeak (Nyc 2 m33t u. I one!11!!!1), but it looks like you already have that down. Thanks again.
Nice little piece you have here. I noticed some errors in grammar. Normally, you capitalize the first letter of each line in poetry, unless you are e.e. cummings and capitalize nothing, not even his name.
The chorus should be used a few more times. It's only used twice, and I'd add in a metaphor somewhere.
Overall, it was pretty good. Bravo!
-Colt
Hola, Buenos dies senioreta Quezada. I think that this song was okay if it is you first time and as you said you don't habla English that good. I am usually hard on lyrics because I write a lot of songs. So I hope I will see you often on this foroum. This song is pretty random in a way also you did not have alot of ryhmes but lyrics don't really have to ryhme (: .
_______________________________
I’m walking and see in a fountain
a friend coming down from the sky
and his name is Jesus
Coming for a sweet revenge ---------- I think you should switch that word with smothing else because Jesus doesn't do revenge you know.
______________________________________________