sister(/’sistər/):noun.
:a woman or girl in relation to other daughters and sons of her parents
Synonyms: sibling,sis,comrade,friend
You remember her grubby fingers as fists more than you remember them as anchors. You know your mother said your little sister will want to cling to you, but you don’t think she thought that Lily would try to drag you down. Mom told you that sisters show fondness through touch, but what must that say about her love if you’ve known more of her knuckles than her palms? No one believes us when we say our love is a crooked kind of hate. Instead they’ve chalked it up to sisterly annoyances, telling us that it’s just slammed doors and arguments. Instead they’ve explained away bruises as anger management, that all sisters are this violent. You don’t have the heart to remind them that your relationship is cracked pavement, unmendable broken cement. You don’t have the patience to speak kindly of this ripped up blood-tie.
You remember the first time she said I hate you, her pretty little girl lips contorting into those of a demon. You know your father said you must protect her, but you see no reward in loving someone who despises you. Dad told you that under her pretenses she really does admire you, but you know that when a two year old murmurs her dislike of you that it is part of her biology. Deep within yourself you know this is your fault too, that you are just as evil as her. Both of you are mismatched pieces that don’t fit into our family jigsaw puzzles. When we see each other we stare at a stranger with our parents blood cells.
You remember your parents saying that blood is thicker than water,that the kinship we desire was born out of our mother’s womb. They don’t understand that our shared blood is not enough for us, that it reminds us that our mother’s womb was a bus stop to the two of us. We do not understand the importance of sisterhood, to you she is not the childish innocence she should be, and to her you are her glorified protector. She is angry, her mouth sprouting out threats you’d expect from animals, not little girls. You are proud, your violence filled with the self-righteous fury she expected out of monsters, not sisters. Neither of us could fit against the other, so you’ve taken to heart another more modern proverb, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."To the both of you family is not built from kinship, but from people that we are unable to live without. And while neither of us needs the other, we appreciate the way we both understand our contemptment towards our sister.
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
First of all, I'd like to appreciate the choice of your title. It was the title that lured me into reading this. The language and the flow was great. You truly brought out your feelings and you've handled the topic quite well.
Keep writing
"When we see each other we stare at a stranger with our parents blood cells." This sentence is thought-provoking. You seem to have a unique way of thinking and it is reflected in your work.
That said, I'm not an expert myself and have just begun writing. I liked your short story.
Thank you so much!This is probably the only short short I've written with a title I'm happy with. I tried really hard to write down the dynamics between my sister and myself, so I'm glad it was thought-provoking. Anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed this, and I wish you the best of luck in your writing endeavors
Hey! I'm here for a quick review~
A few notes I took:
First of all, I loved this short story! It fully describes and shows the contempt between the two sisters, mainly by the expectations/comments/reminders of the parents and outsiders, and by making the reader a character in the story (deepens understanding of the thoughts conveyed and actions took/possibly makes reader think of their own siblings). It is well-worded and uses great metaphors, good job
-There were a few grammatical errors and typos:
~Needs a space between ".Deep" in the second paragraph.
~In the end of the third paragraph, the quoted proverb does not need a space at the beginning of the quote, and the period should go inside the quotation marks. It should look like: "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
~I would add a comma after "To the both of you" in paragraph three.
~Need a space between ",that" in the beginning of paragraph three
-I would change "sprouting" to "spouting" in paragraph three, unless you purposely phrased it like that (or maybe there was confusion? "sprouting"=growing, "spouting"=to send out/informal talk)
-Finally, I was confused as to who you were referring to in the story when saying "we" "us" or "our". I like how it's in second person, as I've already mentioned, and I think you should keep it consistent throughout the writing. Do tell me if I missed something or misunderstood though!
Overall:
I loved how you used the proverb to enhance the hatred and anger described in the sister's relationship. The definition at the beginning was also good, especially the synonyms included, which also added to the irony of the writing with the whole "how sisters are supposed to feel" sort of thing and how they are usually expected to show at least a little kindness and love toward one another. I also liked how you mentioned/described how outsiders never believe their hatred for each other, or "chalked it up to sisterly annoyances." So, great job! I enjoyed reviewing this work, and I really liked it :3 Keep up the good work!
Thanks so much! Honestly, I'm the worst at punctuation, so your review really helped, so thanks. I used "we" or "us" or "our" cause it was a memoir piece for class about myself, so I had to make myself a presence in the writing and I just haven't changed that yet so your confusion is valid. Anyway, thanks so much, I hope you have a great day/evening!
Oh my god! This is absolutely amazing! The way you described that relationship was just phenomenal. You are truly a gifted writer. I want to hear more from you on this story. This is something that would keep me up all night reading. They way that the parents are arguing about the other sisters intentions and the way you used blood and knives and like a horror to explain the relationship, I literally don't have words for it. But you do, this is some great material that I have never seen before. The only thing I am wondering is are the sisters twins? That would make it epic because people would assume twin sisters would be so close and like best friends. Bravo, keep on writing!!!
Thanks so much! I was actually writing about my sister and I's relationship for a small memoir piece, but I've always wanted to expand not so sisterly sisters into fiction too.