Be Real

Hey, queenofxylix, Strange here and I have a review for you on this fantastic review day!
I really only derived the message from this. It is a very simple message. Just be real. Don't lie to yourself and try to be someone you're not. That's a good message to say to somebody, but it's simple and generic. There is nothing really that special about this poem. It is extremely simple. It's good to be simple, but not THAT simple. In all honesty, it wasn't bad but it wasn't great. It's okay, if anything. You can go way farther with this to make it better. Also, you need to single space for it to make sense
Overall, good job
Strange gives you...
6.5/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend

Hey, I'm Pinkdinosaurs, reviewing here.

Well I can really relate to what you're trying to say as in 'Be Real'. to me it felt like you were trying to say there is a lot of people who really try do be someone they are not pretending to act different and even change their look and attitude to prove a point or because they don't like who they are.

I think personally that it may make more sense if there were a few more comma's so it would be broken up more so you would be able to tell you're making point.

"Be who you need to be',' look at yourself see what i see, don't be blind be who you are, don't fake your life',' pull over',' leave it for the dead',' be yourself',' be who you are...."

Just a friendly suggestion.

~From Pinkdinosaurs x.

Heya queenofxylix! Pompadour here for a quick review!

OK, so I really liked what you're talking about. You touched a very real topic here ( no pun intended) and your wording was really beautiful. There appear to be a few formatting errors, but that's OK since I can see that you're new to YWS, and many of the old-timers here have issues with formatting as well. Here's a little tip: press SHIFT+ENTER for a short gap between lines, or just ENTER if you want to leap across the page. I hope this helps! You see, poems are usually divided up into stanzas, and each separate line is called a verse. It's alright if you're going for an artistic approach, but sometimes the lack of formatting just makes a poem look a bit messed up. Nothing that can't be solved in a jiffy, though!

Technical

As I mentioned before, the format is a bit off. I'll divide it up into stanzas and then go over the technicalities -- I think that'll make things easier.

Turn your face towards the mirror and what do you see.
Your perspective made clearer
longing just to be something your not,
Take a step back
look at it whole
beyond the self made factors
look into your soul and be who you are.

Be who you need to be look at yourself
see what i see,
don't be blind
be who you are,
don't fake your life
pull over leave it for the dead
be yourself
be who you are.....

BE REAL

Never give into what your not a mask of fake identity more true then they want you to be.

longing just to be something your not,

I think this flows better without the "just."

Turn your face towards the mirror and what do you see.

This bit seems a little choppy. Like, it's been written as a question, so there should be a punctuation mark here. I'd suggest you restructure the sentence to something like this:

Turn your face towards the mirror; tell me what do you see?

Better?

Be who you need to be look at yourself
see what i see,

The "i" should be capitalized to an "I." Also, the sentence "Be you need to be look at yourself" seems to be lacking in punctuation, so that when I read it it didn't make much sense. I'd suggest you add a little punctuation here so it would be something like this: "Be who you need to be. Look at yourself and see what I see."

this is very good poem , i liked its message ...simple short and sweet
keep up the great work