Young Writers Society

Hi there, queenofscience! I'm here for another review.

So I just wanted to point out a few suggestions and comments.

Capitalization
I would have to agree with the reviewer below me that I think you don't need the all capitalization. When adding bold, italics, or off-setting the text in some way (like with capitalization) I generally ask myself does off-setting the text truly add new meaning, or will it just be seen as distracting? If rather than adding meaning, it's being done to add emphasis, I then ask myself if the same could be done with a line-break or a punctuation mark instead. I think here your line breaks and punctuation already add plenty of emphasis and there doesn't seem to really be a reason why "ark" or "music" or that first chunk need extra emphasis. It ends up being redundant and distracting. Especially because the words put in caps don't seem to relate to each other.

Flow
My second suggestions would be to take a second look at the flow and readability of this piece. There were a few areas where I had a hard time following the flow of logic in the sentence or statement. This was partly due to the incomplete sentences in the piece. For instance "A person who could move mountains." isn't a full sentence, so the reader has to connect its meaning to the rest of the poem by themselves. If you lowercased the "A" or replaced it with "I am a..." then it would be grammatically correct and the reader wouldn't have to do the extra work of connecting the ideas themselves.
A similar situation happens with the two lines "Her own SUPERHERO!" by itself this isn't a sentence (even though it's formatted as one) -- if you changed the capitalization around or put "She is her own superhero" it would help the reader connect the meaning without having to guess what is intended.

Final Thoughts
Although I started with a bit of criticism, I will say I like quite a few things you're doing with this poem. First off, I really enjoyed the positive tone and confidence that is radiating off of this piece! That's not something you see in a lot of poetry, and as a reader it made me feel happy to read. I also liked some of your analysis of music especially that part of it being "ready to stomp out evil" -- I would love to see this really dived into and explored more! What a neat depiction of music!

Overall, I think there's a few things that could be improved upon in this piece to build the poem's meaning and readability but I also think that you've got a great starting attitude with this piece.

Best of luck in your future writing!

~alliyah

Dear queenofscience,

I am here to review your beautiful poem. I would start off with a positive comment. I totally enjoyed the way you included a variety of elements to represent and describe kindness: a big heart, the ability to move mountains, a superhero, the Ark and music. It truely toches the heart and inspires me a lot.

Now about the errors, I must say, no one is perfect. Firstly, the heart did not require two adjectives. Giant and big are synonymous so just one would have done the job. Spellings have to be taken care of. When we write some good pieces of work, we often ignore little details like spellings and puctuations which might sometimes become disastrous. Then, there were certain points in the poem which were discontinuous. While including many elements in a poem could be a plus point, not being able to connect them in a smooth flow could bring unwanted breaks in the poem. Lastly, about music, i would say, that it appeared bluntly and ended bluntly. I agree that music induces a calming effect in people but it had to be elaborated in a gentle manner.

So, queenof science, that's the end of my review. All the best. Keep writing.

Dear queenofscience,

Ooh! My name is Bailey, and I'm here to give you a review! (or whatever I can make of one haha)

I like the method you used in this poem, capitalizing words in order to make them larger, more booming, and prominent. It's sounds very neat. Though I do have a couple comments for you.

"A person who could / move mountions / with kindess." I think you were trying to say "mountains" and "kindness." If so, I think that this is a nice statement, but I think it's a little off course from the rest of the poem. It relates to nature as everything else is more booming and focused in on superheroes and music. I think that this line is important, though that the poem may need to add a little more into it. For example, to put in a line that talks about creating a flower from dead weeds just to brighten a child's day, or something like that. Just talk a little bit more about nature.

Also, I do very much enjoy the part about music, because music is calming, but I think you need to put in a little bit more about how it is calming, what it can stop, about the beat and the rhythm, just to add a little more so it feels more welcomed in the poem.

The poem is called "Kindness" though it seems to be describing a hero of some sort, one that is very kind. But then it also talks about music, but music isn't necessarily a "hero" or particularly "kind" in a sense, since it is just a general statement. You could talk about musicians, and how they are kind to make this poem a little bit more convincing, though at this time I'm a little confused about how it is all relevant to "kindness."

Anyhow, I hate ending a review with just criticism, so I must make sure to put in the goods too! I must agree with jessegrey that everything flowed very well and is very appealing to the eye! I love the music part, and I hope you can add more lines in to focus in on it, because music is especially calming and is a very big part of life. I don't think I'd be me without it!

It's a very nice poem all in all. Keep writing!

Sincerely, Bailey Matwiiw.

Hi there! I clicked because I liked the title and I just wanted to leave a review here.

I love how everything flowed and how everything was separated. It was very appealing to the eye the way the format was created, so kudos on that alone. My first suggestion lies in the capitalization. I don't think you particularly need it here, as I don't think it adds to the subject matter or even the flow of the poem. I found it to be a little distracting actually. Maybe because when reading all capital letters, I hear a shout in my head, but I think it takes away from the piece. Maybe think about losing that effect altogether.

The line "Music can calm a savage, snarling, beast" was perhaps my favorite part of the piece. Music is such a huge part of my life, and it's definitely pulled me through some of the hardest times, so I related to that line and it was wonderful to read. I would have liked a tie in to the opening line though, something heart related toward the end would have sealed the deal for me and giving me everything I needed, if that makes sense.

I enjoyed reading this and hope I didn't come off mean or anything because I really like this. Your breaks are your biggest strength here, so I would keep that up for sure! Hope you keep writing!