Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Alright, so we've got a pretty interesting piece here, a very interesting conversation between these two brothers and the uncle...I really like how this was done here, the dialogues were great and the conversation really showcased their personalities well and there were some nice subtle hints towards their backstories too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"What I'm saying is that you should destroy him, Liev. That man has never done any good for this country, he's poison."
Liev took a sip of his vodka while staring down on the street from his brother's fourth story apartment. He looked at the people that walked by, huddled in their thick coats. Gerasim, Liev's younger brother, sighed impatiently. It had always annoyed him that Liev thought things through before replying. It tended to clash with his own impulsive character.
"It takes a monster to destroy a monster. Killing him would mean I am not any better than him," Liev finally replied. Gerasim let out a joyless chuckle and snatched his brother's glass away. The vodka disappeared into his mouth and a slightly painful expression crossed his face when he swallowed the transparent fluid.

OKay...well, this is a pretty intriguing start to this here story...definitely a very interesting conversation...not too often you see someone not liking another person being cautious ad thinking things through before replying...which is already quite intriguing and then of course we have an entire chat about killing someone that's being called a monster...so well, this is definitely getting our attention as readers and getting it pretty quick here.

"Who are you trying to fool, Liev? You're already a monster. If you kill the guy though, you will be a better monster than him."
Liev raised his eyebrows but there were no other signs that indicated it had fazed him.
"Have I ever told you that you're awful at persuading people? Your theories never make even the slightest sense."
Gerasim scowled loudly at Liev and walked to one of the small cupboards to grab another bottle of vodka. His older brother gave him a long judging stare, which caused him to scowl again. He had promised their uncle to cut back on the amount of alcohol he consumed daily, but to Gerasim, a promise wasn't really something to keep. He liked to see it as something you could please people with for the time being so they would get off your back. Liev, however, would rather take a bullet than break his word.

Well...okay now we get to know a bit more about the relationship that these two share here. That is always good to see in a story, and we get to see their personalities slowly being built up here in the background and all of that is lending itself quite well to making this a pretty decent start here.

Gerasim was about to open the bottle but the short knock on the door made him change his mind immediately. An amused grin crossed Liev's face when his younger brother frantically hid the bottle away and stuffed some minty candy into his mouth. He opened the door with an innocent smile plastered on his face.
Their beloved uncle pulled the short and coarsely built Gerasim into a fatherly embrace and closed the door with his foot. A gust of cold air swept across the room, causing the two brothers to shiver lightly. The old Alexey took off his coat and gave Gerasim a thankful smile when he took it from him. Liev got up from the dark wooden chair and welcomed the man who was more of a father to them than their own dad had ever been.

Okay...that's a fairly smooth introduction to this new character of the uncle, I like how we immediately get to see that comment with the alcohol being paid off there with that person hiding away the bottle that he was drinking from...you can see there is some sense of respect or at least fear towards the uncle there in order to do that and you get a sense of what kind of man this uncle might be.

"So, what did I miss?" Alexey asked in his deep raw voice while sitting down on the couch with a weary sigh. Gerasim filled the rusted kettle with water and placed it on the stove to make his uncle a cup of tea.
"Gerasim's splendid theory about how killing my boss will make me a better monster than the guy himself," Liev stated with mock seriousness while taking place on the chair again.
Before their uncle could reply, the whistling of the kettle pierced through the room. Gerasim quickly turned off the fire and with it the irritated look in his eyes. Liev smiled slightly at the pleasant sound of hot water being poured into a cup as his younger brother prepared the tea. The smile, however, disappeared rather quickly when he saw the look of abhorrence on his uncle's face.

Well...I see that the uncle is clearly not a big fan of killing which seems like a pretty fair viewpoint to have, becoming monster by killing is generally something that's rather frowned upon by most people soo...well you can see that the uncle has some morals but also that apparently a suggestion like that wasn't a joke but something that could have actually been carried out there.

"Gerasim, I have no issues with you visiting your father in jail but don't you dare take those putrid theories of him into your mouth," Alexey reacted coldly.
Suddenly there came a heavy silence over the room as Gerasim stared at his older brother with guilt written all over him. Liev flexed his jaw and his tensed shoulder muscles gave away that he was trying hard to keep his calm.
"You went to see Dad?"
It was the deathly calm way in which he had asked it, that made Gerasim slightly afraid. Liev never exploded but that didn't mean he wasn't dangerous. Gerasim knew all too well how easily Liev could ruin a person's life in one single moment with no expression on his face at all.

Well that escalate quite quickly out of seemingly nowhere right there...I was not expecting any sort of reaction like that to occur at alll...not to mention of course there's also the revelation that the father of these two is in prison and potentially for murder judging by the uncle's reaction there. Well this just got a little bit more interesting right there.

"Gerasim has all the rights to, Liev. It's his father," Alexey quickly added, trying to minimize the damage of the bomb he'd just dropped.
Liev slowly stood up from his chair.
"I don't care whether he has the right to, Uncle," he monotonously replied while picking up his leather jacket from the table. Gerasim stood awkwardly next to the stove and avoided eye contact with his older brother. He would never admit it but Liev's raw voice could send shivers down his spine sometimes.

Wow....so one of the brother's has had a pretty bad time with the father I see and the other one doesn't seem to have been nearly as effected at all, so well, that's a really interesting detail, you don't usually expect this...but well it certainly adds to the backstory here and makes these characters just that little bit more interesting here.

"You betrayed your own brother for some rotten low-life?" Liev asked quietly while forcing Gerasim to look him straight into his steel blue eyes.
"You're overreacting, I just wanted to make up my own mind about him. I would never betray you."
Liev scoffed softly and started rumbling through the cupboards above the sink. He was a lot taller than his younger brother and nicely muscled, which enforced people to respect him. Gerasim's eyes automatically fell on the inside of Liev's right underarm, where a sinister tattoo hid underneath the leather sleeve.

Okay...well the way he talks of father, there is definitely some serious history there and this dialogue proves it quite well. I love how you manage to bring this out really well here...you can definitely feel the emotions here...and that's quite nice to see here at the start of a story.

'I shall be the devil to your living hell'.
It was the last promise that Liev had made to their father before he got sent off to jail and Gerasim suddenly understood how he had stabbed him in the back by sitting down with the guy for a chat. Liev pulled out a Nagant M1895 revolver from underneath the towels that were neatly stapled in one of the drawers and checked if it had ammo. It wasn't the most efficient gun as it could only carry seven bullets at once and took longer to load than the more modern guns, but Liev was too much in love with revolvers to care. His uncle placed the cup on the table with a loud smack while Gerasim took a step back.

OKay I do have to question where exactly they currently are at this point if guns are casually being pulled out here...now one thing I noticed there in addition is that this is a very tense scene with a clear focus on this conflict so breaking that flow to go into detail about the gun isn't a great idea. You could describe the gun in a way that's more in line with the dialogue or just not do it till later cause otherwise it ruins this building tension here.

"It's time you start forgiving your father, Liev! Look at what all the hate is doing to you!" Alexey's voice thundered through the room. For a second there was a look of absolute rage in Liev's eyes but he quickly got his composure back.
"What he did is unforgivable, Uncle, I rather rot in hell than let him back into our lives. And calm down, I'm not going to shoot my own brother, I'm just getting ready for work."
Gerasim sighed in relief but his uncle got even more worked up. Alexey stood up as quickly as his old bones would let him and walked up to Liev with flaming eyes. He suddenly looked ten years younger.

Hmm, certainly a very interesting idea there..it looks like the uncle despite clearly not being the biggest fan of his brother at least care's enough about this person to tell him to let go of the hate and forgive the father so that he doesn't have to deal with that...certainly a intriguing angle to have things take off on here.

"Forgiving him doesn't mean you'll let him back into your life. To forgive and forget are two very different things, my son. Don't ever forget that. If you forgive him, you will release yourself from the burden that you've been carrying all this time. You're letting him have power over you like this."
The old Alexey gave him a pat on his shoulder and Liev knew he was only so harsh on them because he cared. Instead of starting an endless discussion, Liev just softly cursed and beckoned for Gerasim to hand him some ammunition. His younger brother gave him a small box with 7.62 mm Nagant bullets and avoided every eye contact with his uncle. Gerasim knew that Alexey disapproved of him trading in guns, especially because he did it illegally, but he liked the easy money way too much to quit it. Luckily for him though, his uncle was too focussed on his brother to say anything about it.

Hmm...well this uncle certainly seems to be a pretty wise man there...we get a really good sense of the character of the uncle here...also love the subtle deal that went down there...its done much better here than the earlier mention but I will say that you should probably avoid mentioning the name of the gun again cause we can very easily infer that the bullets must be for the gun that was just mentioned barely a couple of paragraphs ago.

"Liev, you promised me you were going to stop 'working'," Alexey stated coldly, spitting out the last word as if it was poison.
"I promised you I'd stop working when the time is right," was Liev's calm reply while he headed for the door. His uncle grabbed his arm and forced him to stop. It kept surprising Liev how strong he was despite his old age. Alexey had spent his younger years as a boxer before he decided it really wasn't that fun to plant a fist in someone's face. And even though he didn't really need the muscles anymore after that, he kept working out to keep in shape.

Alright, I don't mind the little bit of backstory, that is fun to see but umm...this is just not quite the right point in a scene like this to point that out, a description like that would be more fitting for the first time the uncle walked into the scene perhaps, but not really this particular point.

"Uncle, I need more time to think things through. It's not that I don't believe in your God or that I don't want to get things right in my life; I just can't suddenly drop everything out of my hands when I haven't got everything sorted out yet. If I'm going to make a definite choice, I at least want to be a hundred percent certain that it's the right one."
Gerasim, who had been observing it all quietly, chuckled loudly. He seemed to be oblivious to the two deadly glares from both his uncle and brother.
"You're hesitating to decide whether or not you should do something good with your life, because you're not sure if it's the right decision. Yet you have no issues going to your very illegal job where you ruin people's life daily. Makes perfect sense, brother," Gerasim finished mockingly while shaking his head with an amused grin on his face. Alexey scoffed loudly, but it was hard to tell at who.

Okay...soo...it looks like these folks want to try and dissuade each other from doing these illegal things...but I get the sense that we're going to soon see a bit of an argument brewing, oh dear, it looks like this peaceful conversation that started the chapter is about to slowly come to an end here.

"You're one to talk. I can't even remember the last time you did something that made sense," Liev replied with a light frown on his face. Gerasim rolled his eyes and threw a spoon at his brother's head. He cursed when Liev successfully dodged it. Their uncle let out a sigh and shook his head disapprovingly.
"Just like your father," Alexey mumbled while sitting down on the couch again. Liev was about to throw the spoon back but dropped it immediately. He cursed softly and headed for the exit, ignoring his uncle's protests. Before he slammed the door close behind him, he turned around one last time.
"It's my life, uncle. I know what I'm doing and I would really appreciate it if you could show some trust in me."
"It's not your life I'm worried about right now. I am worried about those poor people who have been robbed of their freedom."

Okayyy...some shots fired in that one...aand it looks like the brother ends up just storming off in a huff there...well that's one family meeting there that clearly did not go as planned at all...and well the scene ends with some disarray there.

Liev shot his uncle a deadly glare and left without bothering to say goodbye. He wasn't sure if he could stand another one of these discussions anymore. They had been going on for as long as his uncle had known that his oldest nephew was a human trafficker. Liev knew that his uncle was right but it annoyed him none the less. He tucked the revolver away and walked into the cold evening breeze of St. Petersburg.
Alexey let out a tired sigh from behind the window as he stared down on his departing nephew. Perhaps it was time for him to bring this to an end the hard way. The lines in his old face deepened. If he had learned one thing in life, it was that protecting justice often came with a price.

Oh wow...well it looks like this guy who tried act all orally superior to the father is actually a very bad person, human trafficking is one of the worst crimes...well well, that ended on a very interesting description there...definitely a bit of a curveball that got thrown at us right there...was not expecting something like that at all. Aaand well looks our uncle has resolved to do what's necessary which also sounds like it could lead to some interesting stuff there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was a rather solid story for the most part. One thing I will say was missing throughout is description. The space the character are in isn't really described at all and so you kind of imagine them in a dark void of nothingness...you need to spend a bit of time at the start establishing their surroundings a bit more. This is a few helpful tips on that.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry