Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Culture


this is a world

by qalbdaye3


this is a world

where he gets to 

sleep with anyone

he pleases

and i get to 

sleep  with him

and be shamed

because boys will be boys

but girls will be faithful

forever.

this is a world

where he can

stay out

and come back 

after midnight

"i was out with friends"

but i stay in

after dark

"it's not safe".

this is a world  hell.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
841 Reviews


Points: 664
Reviews: 841

Donate
Sun Jul 15, 2018 10:55 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about the aspects of sexism. One would think that such double standards would be a thing of the distant past by now but this malady s still in full force in certain areas of the world. As the poem point out, a man is allowed t gallivant galore while a female is expected to remain within the strict boundaries of Moral codes. But it has gone beyond morality to include employment and educational opportunities and privileges as well,

Once women were deprived of the right to vote as well as to educate themselves to the same level that men could via restricting attendance a certain universities to males only. Wages where higher for males even though the work done was identical. A husband could literally beat his wife without incurring legal repercussions. Fortunately such practices have been done away with in Western Societies. However such inequalities still linger in various non-western countries-especially those under Islam and other religions where females are traditionally viewed as subservient.

I like the way that the poem says volumes in such few words. As a reader I felt empathy with the writer or viewpoint expressed based on my experience with general injustices. However, about being safe, it is true that a woman is in more danger of harm than a man is after dark. A woman also runs the risk of becoming pregnant while a man doesn't. So there are logical reasons for feeling that a woman stands to lose more ftom such activities than a man does.

Suggestions

I would have preferred regular punctuation. because it makes reading the poem and understanding it easier for me. Also, I found striking out words instead of omitting them altogether a distraction.

All in all a good read. Looking forward to reading more od your work!




User avatar
24 Reviews


Points: 11
Reviews: 24

Donate
Mon May 21, 2018 4:27 pm
View Likes
JaylinBoykins wrote a review...



Hello this Jaylin here to leave a quick review (I apologize if anything comes off harsh it is not my intentions). I love this poem. It reflects a truth that many women sadly are affected by in society. And hopefully in the upcoming years we eliminate this sexism so that we can properly progress as a nation in an equal setting. I'm happy you attacked the cultural shame placed on women. I also love the style you wrote this in. Keep up the good work and I will be looking forward to reading your upcoming projects on here




User avatar
89 Reviews


Points: 610
Reviews: 89

Donate
Mon May 21, 2018 3:36 am
View Likes
Annaclare wrote a review...



qalbdaye3,

Wow. Wow. Wow. You, my friend, have made something. Something so true and real, and yet in the simplest way. I'll be honest, looking at the length and the format I thought that there would really be nothing memorable about it. However, you have created depth and realness in the simplest way. I love this! I understand this.

Thank you for putting forth something so powerful and so important. It breaks the stereotypes and fractured roles that have been put in society. You may not have changed the world with this poem, but you have certainly taken a step that I guarantee has the strength to change it!

Keep writing! It looks like you are new here, so welcome! You are going to do amazing things! Stay bold, original, and brave! Your writing has impact, punch, and boldness. I can't wait to see more!

Much love,

Annaclare




Random avatar

Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Sun May 20, 2018 2:33 pm
View Likes
Ziziabok111 says...



people should learn to own up to the consequences of their actions regardless of their gender, but unfortunately some members of the male sex hide behind the illusion of 'boys will always be boys' to cheat and lie in relationships. They expect their female counterparts on the other hand to act the opposite. How hellish! This poem says it as it is. Nice piece




qalbdaye3 says...


thank you so much this means a lot ~a



User avatar
150 Reviews


Points: 12425
Reviews: 150

Donate
Sun May 20, 2018 1:27 pm
View Likes
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey there! Hope you don't mind if I leave you with a review. Oh, and welcome to YWS :)

I'm normally someone who follows a strict poem structure, so it always interests me when other's write free-verse poetry.

My favorite line in your poem was:

because boys will be boys

but girls will be faithful


"boys will be boys" is a phrase I often grew up hearing. Boys misbehave, girls have a certain expectation to behave a certain way. Girls are definitely, in some aspects, set to higher expectations and standards than boys

Your structure seems fitting as being told by a girl who feels stuck in an unfaithful relationship. The short lines not following any specific meter seem to emphasize her distress and feelings of entrapment based on what she feels to be cultural expectations.

My overall opinion is that your poem is well-written and provides a glimpse into the mind of a girl in an unfaithful relationship. Her emotions can be well represented in your poems structure, whether that was intentional or not, it definitely added to the seriousness of the poem. Though, I wonder what culture this poem is representing. Your title seems to represent female entrapment in unfaithful relationships as a worldwide cultural expectation, but many first-world countries promote the opposite. But, overall, your poem is very well-written and definitely made me empathize for women who feel the need to stay with their partner's even when they have been unfaithful. I hope to read more of your poetry or work soon!

Keep Writing,

-Katja




qalbdaye3 says...


thank you so much for the review ! "The short lines not following any specific meter seem to emphasize her distress and feelings of entrapment based on what she feels to be cultural expectations." you got that right!




Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda