getting undressed
the memory floods her mind
she feels his weight
crushing her
down
his hands
touching skin
without care.
skin harshly scrubbed
red
trying to remove the traces
of his hands.
of him.
but it will forever
haunt her.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there, Katja here to review your short piece here. Feel free to disregard any suggestions or comments I make should you deem them to be unhelpful.
Overall Opinion:
Your poem touches on the topic of sexual assault and the victim's healing process. It gives us, the readers, a glimpse into the "haunting" nature of such an experience in that it sticks with you for life, even when healing progress is made. Such actions do permanent damage, and this is shown by the girls' memory of this horrible experience rushing back to her simply by undressing herself.
What I Liked:
I feel like your format really adds to the severity of this topic by showing choppy, but well-flowing, lines, almost as though the girl is reliving the experience and is trying to rush through it to leave it behind once more.
I must say, this story makes me deeply empathize with women and men and children who have ever been assaulted. It is truly an experience that leaves permanent damage and your poem brings this to light in a graceful way.
I have no suggestions for you today. I look forward to reading more of your work soon!
Keep writing,
-Katja
This hit close to home, though not on a personal level per say. But let me review it before i get all close and personal.
On a material level, this is good. It has a special, jerky sort of flow. Your use of punctuation fits well and aids your poem. The only suggestion I have is adding a her at the end
It just feels right.
On a more emotional, meaningful level, this is a hard piece. There are so many emotions and feelings and pain in so few words. Assault is terrifying. It can happen to anyone, any age, either gender. But as a female, the threat of it is more serious. This poem also hurt because my girlfriend was assaulted by someone she trusted, and even though that was years ago, sometimes when I'm with her, her face will turn terrified for second, like she'll forget it's me. You did well in this piece, but I wish you hadn't been able to write it. That this topic didn't even exist.
Keep on writing, have a good day
Your poem was so intense.Women harrasment, the forte that haunts the world.You have portrayed it so well.
These lines gave life to the theme:
"crushing
her down
his hands
touching skin
without care.
skin harshly scrubbed
red
trying to remove the traces
of his hands.
of him.
but it will forever
haunt."
It is a good work.You have laid the emphasis of chasitity so well here.
Would have felt good if you have abused or threatened that predator.Telling him women ain't a prey.It is not a suggestion to alter your poem.The thing is I really got into your poem and i feel sad for her.
A moving poem though.Good job.Looking forward for more.