Published February 1, 2011
*This is my birthday present to my friend, but it is also my first reall attempt at any form of poetry. So not only do I have no idea what type of poetry it is, but I have no idea if its good or not eather. Help please!*
Did you laugh?
Another year gone,
Another year spent.
Did you save a life,
Cure disease,
Or end world hunger?
Probably not.
Did you make the best ice cream sundae,
Or the biggest igloo?
What about jumping in rain puddles,
Playing a game with a little kid,
Splatter painting with friends,
Or singing along to Disney movies?
Did you laugh?
Did you laugh.
Another year gone,
Another year spent.
A birthday celebrated,
And a friend appreciated.
Points:
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
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This was super cute and invoked a lovely feeling of childhood naivete while at the same time, I feel as though the author is wanting the reader to see something a little more meaningful between the lines. Just a few grammar mistakes here and there, nothing that hasn't already been mentioned. Keep up the good work!
~Jess
Wonderful poem I liked it! keep writing this is good stuff, you should publish a poetry book of you own.. I've got that in mind too I just need to work on my grammar and punctuation cuz thats where they check most and believe me writing's not easy these days.. now I know why they teach English at school , not because we don't know it, its just to teach us how to write it and use the grammar properly. Just keep writing, when the time comes you'll be a great writer someday, Mark my words!
Amazing poem, nice and meaningful but not too heavy.
I think it would put a smile on anyone's face-and it certainly put one on mine!
I honestly don't know how you write poems like that.
I think the short stanzas and simple vocabulary really add a nice touch to this poem.
I'm not sure if it is just me, but it seems kind of sarcastic and loving at the same time?
Anyways, my favorite part was "Probably not."
If I were your friend reading this, I would laugh
Well done! Keep writing.
nice poem
This is a cute little poem! It reminds me of childhood innocence; makes me miss my own childhood, actually!
A brief suggestion though:
"Did you laugh?
Did you laugh?"
Not sure if adding a period was your intention after the initial "did you laugh?", but I think adding another question mark would do you more justice, no?
Other then that, I like the simplicity you have here! I hope your friend enjoyed this gift?
I am afraid I can't agree, Panda, that phrase is a question. I do have to point out something similar, though, when you said "did you laugh? Did you laugh." This makes little to no sense. Maybe change the words just a little: "Did you laugh? You did laugh." or something.
If I were your friend, the entire time I was reading, there would be a giant smile on my face. However- yes, here it comes!-
"Did you make the best ice cream sundae,
Or the biggest igloo?"
Try saying it like, maybe,
Did you make the
best ice cream sundae
or biggest igloo.
I believe it runs a little smoother this way. But, I'm honestly no poet. Thanks for sharing.