Published July 8, 2011
As the days go by,
She's chasing time.
Her smile's nothing but an empty lie.
But have no fear,
There is a cure.
As long as you're always here.
So do not leave,
Or you will see.
The part of her that wants to bleed.
Make it last,
Make it count.
Show her what true love's about.
If you don't,
And you go.
Then she will never know.
So please just stay,
Don't go away.
Ignore her when she says she's ok.
She's really not,
That's plain to see.
I know because this girl is me.
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Canary word: Present
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141,385 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
I found this piece to be absolutely amazing! I will agree that I would like to see a tad more detail, however that's not to take anything away from the sheer beauty of this poem. Other than that, I found nothing wrong with this piece and I couldn't help but read in awe of your writing skill. Keep up the great work!
Oh my goodness that was really good and simple. Now, let me try and interpret (sorry if i get it wrong). I am guessing that the girl(you) is in a relationship and some how she is hurting but not showing it. The relationship is probably not doing so well, right? Well I love this poem, and my favorite part is the last part that says...
That really leaves the reader gasping. Great job on the grammar, there is no problem there. I can not wait to read more of your works!
Hey!
Welcome to YWS, first off
Secondly, I enjoyed reading your poem- I can feel that the emotion put into it was real.
I can't see anything that I didn't like about this piece. No grammar or spelling errors that I noticed.
The only thing I could suggest is adding more detail? Just a thought.
Overall, I thought it was well written, and I especially this one part:
[quote=]Make it last,
Make it count.
Show her what true love's about.[/quote]
For some reason, I really liked this part
Keep writing!
-Briggsy