Okay, so I haven't been on this site in awhile and I haven't written in a very long time (two years possibly). I don't know how I went on without writing for that long. Getting to the point, I am very, very, very rusty. So rip this to pieces. I don't care if it's harsh because I need the best advice I can get on this right now. Also, I'm a little sketchy about the title, so please tell me if you like it or not. This is the prologue. Please enjoy!
~ Pshhxhoney
I remember it so well. It lingers in my head like an almost forgotten dream, but you can never really shake it off. Some days I know it’s real; I’m absolutely positive that everything single thing, every single event, happened. Other days, I wonder if it was an illusion. These days I say his name in my head. I read the diary trying to piece together the fragments of memories inside my head. Hoping it will bring me closer to rediscovering the happiness I shared with him. And other days, my worst days, I can’t remember anything at all. You would think I would be happy about that, but I want to remember those things, I want to remember what happened, I want to remember him. Those are the things that keep me going through the days. Those are the things that kept me going through the years.
Yesterday was one of those days. The worst there could be. I couldn’t remember anything. I could only remember one thing, the name: Brian Sheerwood. I cling to the name hoping it would bring me closer to my past.
These are the days I dread, and these days, of memory loss, can go on for weeks or months. I don’t know why I don’t remember anything, it just happens. I wake up in the morning and it’s like my past has been swiped from my head. The only thing I do remember is his name. No picture in my mind comes with him. I don’t remember anything about, but his name. It’s torture for me.
The only reason why I know these memories slip from my brain is because I keep a diary of everything that happened my whole life, up until now. The days I can’t remember my past I read my diary. My diary is the only comfort I have those days. I wish I could see him again. Just once. My life would be complete again. I wish I could see him, talk to him, touch him, just to make sure he’s real, but I know it will never happen. It only happens in my dreams. The one place where I am happy.
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite the start that you've got here. I don't believe I've seen anything quite of this nature before and I am loving the way that this is coming together here. Its a powerful touch of emotion and you can really feel it as the reader when this person is channeling their feelings into this opening here. It really does a wonderful job getting your attention as a reader.
Oooh you're building on that feeling of not knowing quite powerfully here. It captures a wonderful mixture of fear and pure frustration at not being able to know much besides just their own name and its really coming across quite strongly. So far this prologue is progressing along really neatly with all the emotions you are creating here.
And that wraps this up quite neatly I think. Its comes together really quite well to make for a wonderful start to proceedings here. I think you've managed to form this whole thing up quite nicely here with the mention of the diary and the reference to dreams. It all sets up a situation that at least me as a reader really wants to find out more on which means this prologue has certainly done its job and done it quite well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
this was nice, really nice. but it sounds really sad too. I agree with the writer above me (sorry i forgit your name!) you should edit what the writer told you to edit. but it was nice, really!
I think you have a good start. I do have a couple suggestions though.
How about "Other days I wonder if it is was an illusion."How about "I read the diary trying to piece together the fragments of memories inside my head." "Hoping it will bring me closer to rediscovering the happiness I shared with him."
"I could only remember one thing the name Bryan Sheerwood" "I clung to the name hoping it would bring me closer to my past." I hope this helps fiction.