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Young Writers Society



To See the World Go Out

by prolixity


“Listen up, folks! Maybe you shouldn’t fret over those gas prices after all. A man in Wyoming has predicted the apocalypse!” The newscaster’s bared fluorescent teeth could scarcely enclose his laugh. “When? One month from today. Bill, tell me we’ll have some nice weather before then!” The man shut off the TV. He turned to the window and the few solitary snowflakes, and glanced at the invitation on the top of the pile of bills and ads. If it’s still snowing in a few hours, he thought, the roads would be too bad to drive out there, probably. He sighed and made his way to the kitchen.

He contemplated the near-empty fridge, and squinted at a package of cheese, which he threw out. He wouldn’t have much of a chance post-Apocalypse, he thought, if the guy in Wyoming was right. He opened a beer.

He could remember hearing the same sort of thing on the radio when he was a kid. People had taken it more seriously then, or at least he did. He did this whole crazy thing with Charlie when it happened. They marked it in their calendars, “End of the World,” in red. He could remember feeling sicker and sicker as the day got closer. Charlie just seemed excited. When the night finally came – somehow they knew it would happen at midnight – Charlie, whose house was next to his, blinked his flashlight three times through his bedroom window. This meant “Come outside.” He had to check to see if his parents were asleep. The lamp was still on in the living room, but that didn’t mean his father was awake. He would usually be asleep in his armchair, a can of beer slipping from his hand and making a puddle on the floor. His mother would be asleep. With the coast clear, he groped for his clothes in the dark. He blinked his light twice – “I’m coming.” – and they both climbed out of their windows. Charlie was faster.

“Hurry up, Joey! You wouldn’t want to be climbing down a gutter when the world ends, would you?”

They snuck past the sleeping houses, avoiding pools of light. Joe’s stomach twisted and there was a pounding in his chest; he had always hated sneaking out, but this night, the last night, was even worse. They went to the highest place they knew, the hill at the end of the street. There they would wait to see the world go out.

Charlie had brought a couple of candy bars, to add to the festivity. “Eat up, Joey. This just might be the last chocolate you’ll ever have.” His teeth and eyes glinted in the moonlight.

Charlie would check his watch periodically with his flashlight and report how much longer they had. Joe didn’t have a watch then. As they waited, they talked about what it would look like. At first he said maybe Jesus would come out of the sky, like he learned in Sunday school, but Charlie laughed at that. Charlie’s father was a scientist.

“My dad’s always said the world’ll end some day. It’s in-ev-it-uh-bul. He says the sun’ll blow up.”

“Does he think it’ll happen tonight?”

“He says the guy on the radio doesn’t have any proof. That guy’s not a scientist or anything. Just some religious weirdo. But he says it could happen anytime. So it could happen tonight.”

Charlie said there would probably be a big flash and then they would burn to death. “Like marshmallows in a campfire,” he grinned. Joe said maybe the sun just burn out like a light bulb and everything would go dark.

“And cold,” Charlie corrected him. “Then we would freeze to death.”

Charlie counted down the last few seconds. It was a little like New Years Eve, but with some of the terror of Halloween. When Charlie got to two and one, Joe squeezed his eyes shut. There in the waiting darkness the world was only magnolias and crickets and prickling summer grass, and his breath and his heartbeat. He wasn’t sure, but he guessed Charlie had kept his eyes open. Charlie was the kind of person to want to see it, to take in everything, wonders and horrors alike. If he had closed them, he opened them first, because he said, “Well Joey, looks like it’s not over after all.” Joe opened his eyes painfully and saw the world as it had always been: sleeping houses nestled between the warm streetlamps. Silently, they got up and returned to their beds.

If only they had kept in touch. Charlie had taken off right after high school, hitchhiked out west. Joe never knew how to reach him, not that he really tried.

They had some great times, though. Joe remembered when they were sixteen, how they had filched a few of his dad’s beers and got drunk on that same hill. They laughed so hard that night, but he couldn’t remember what was so funny. That was the night Charlie broke his ankle when he tried to climb back to his window. Charlie’s parents woke up and were really mad, after they knew he was okay of course. Joe had just climbed back to his bedroom. Charlie never told them where he got the beer.

Outside, the snow was falling fast now, erasing the city to white. No, he really couldn’t make the funeral. The roads have taken their share already. Joe closed his eyes. That guy in Wyoming is wrong, he thought. The world’s already ended, three days ago. Did you get to see it, Charlie, before you went out with it?


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User avatar
50 Reviews


Points: 350
Reviews: 50

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Mon Aug 13, 2012 4:23 am
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zephion wrote a review...



Wow, was really not expecting the last line. I don't know how you did it, but you managed to make me happy and sad at the same time, well done. There may be a few edits you could make to improve this piece further. Okay, only one, and I'm just nitpicking here. Charlie should be explained earlier and further. There was this line,

He did this whole crazy thing with Charlie when it happened.

It begins to confuse you. It would be one thing if he was a minor character, but he obviously is not. Just remove this confusion and it would be much better.

Again, this was amazing, and I couldn't find much to fix. It has some great visuals and a wonderful story line. Keep writing, and thanks for the read.




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324 Reviews


Points: 15580
Reviews: 324

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Wed Jul 18, 2012 11:25 pm
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Threnody wrote a review...



Hello! Here is the review as you requested.

I really liked this and I thought it was intriguing and meaningful without being too blunt. I thought it was strange how you mentioned Charlie without any reason at the beginning but I thought the brief mention of his funeral at the very end was a good way to validify his presence in your piece. I'm assuming that the funeral was Charlie's, though I could be wrong. If it wasn't Charlie's, I couldn't see how it would be relevant in your piece. Additionally, I would like to have known a little bit more about the narrator. I understand that Charlie is the focus of this piece in one sense of the word, but understanding who the narrator is would greatly help a reader understand who Charlie is, by comparison. I would like to know why Charlie meant so much to him, how he heard of his funeral as they never kept in touch, and why Charlie was such an integral part of the narrators' world that when Charlie's life ended, the narrator's world ended.

I feel like I could be interpreting this the wrong way, but it seems the best explanation with the pieces that you've given me. I like your style but it seems as if it is always trying to achieve a measure of obscurity that it's uncomfortable with. For example, it would be a much more meaningful read if you could just include more information about the funeral or Joe. It's such a deep piece that I feel as if it's lost itself.

In all, I think that this piece was very interesting and touched upon some extremely relevant themes. Some clarity in terms of pacing and description would be much appreciated from a reader's standpoint. However, I'm sure this story means a lot to you as the writer, so I want you to be comfortable with the ideas that you already convey and not feel pressured to change things you don't want to.

Thanks for a great read,
Threnody




prolixity says...


Thanks for the review! It was very helpful. :)
It's funny that we ended up giving the same suggestion for each other's stories. :P




“Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all -
— Emily Dickinson