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hello tuesday

by Charm

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50 Reviews

Points: 3340
Reviews: 50

Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:10 am
LadyShadows wrote a review...

Hello, this is LadyShadows here to review what you have!
This is a very short, yet sweet poem. I can picture a warm Tuesday morning in April while it rains. I can see and even smell the rain as well. However, as much as I really liked this poem, to me it doesn't have as much flow as it should. Like any other form of art, poetry kind of needs that special "blending" of its own paint. The paint is the words of course, and blending them together to make a rhythm is a good thing to do. Sometimes when it's a free verse poem the flow isn't looked at or necessary but it's still nice to have. Keep writing! You're going places.

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Points: 98
Reviews: 3

Tue Jan 17, 2017 4:04 pm
ovrd0se wrote a review...

Hi Roman here to review your work :)
This poem is so short and sweet it's very pleasing to the eye.

You've created a real marvel in it's own.

I adore how you have personified the days of the week as if they were versions of personalities within themselves, for example with your opening sentence "Hello again Tuesday" I couldn't help but think of "Hello darkness my old friend" lol but the way you have described and molded the personality around 'Tuesday' gives it an almost therapeutic feel as if Tuesday is your life line you wish you didn't need.

This poem is open to interpretation in many ways but it still remains absolutely beautiful.

The only thing I can think of to improve is the grammar, capital letters is all that is required but other than that it is simply gorgeous.

This particular poem in it's self isn't one that will evoke emotion more just an enjoyable read.

You have nailed the personification and executed it well.

Good work :)
Roman @ovrd0se

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21 Reviews

Points: 200
Reviews: 21

Tue Jan 17, 2017 1:41 pm
Frinderman says...

I don't have much to say nor do I have much to explain, but I liked this poem very much.

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1080 Reviews

Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:23 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...

This is Nikayla here for a review!

I actually quite liked the tone you set up with this poem, and while the imagery is quite pretty, the subject matter is something that's more lacking today. Sure, we have the first line and the last two lines that tackle the weekdays but there wasn't a lot else that reminded me of Tuesday, or for anything else that you mentioned for that matter like the weekend or anything else of that sort.

It's definitely taken from a different perspective than what I would have done with the subject of Tuesday, which makes me appreciate the other side of it a lot more. Something that I felt was quite subtle and beautiful was the second stanza as it seems to be hinting at the fact that the speaker dislikes or complains about Monday. I would have liked to see more incorporation of other weekdays and perhaps even the feeling of already wanting the week to be over yet it's only Tuesday would be something that works without it becoming cliched in that aspect.

The one thing I did want to say about the imagery in the first stanza is that it comes out of nowhere a bit in that I haven't really associated warm rain with the weekend finally ending and the relations between the first line in the first stanza and the other two is a bit weak (Haha, puns. Get it?), though I think that'll be an easy fix. I would have liked to see more imagery in the second stanza of the poem and I think relating the second stanza to the first would be beneficial with a line such as, "After the storm in me has calmed down." or something relating to that, but it works well for the most part. The ending is something that I felt to be a bit awkward but I liked it at the same time because it's bittersweet. The first line ends with "though" and I think that's what causes the bit of shakiness in the flow for the end.

That's the most I have to say, I hope I helped and continue writing!

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56 Reviews

Points: 1343
Reviews: 56

Tue Jan 17, 2017 3:34 am
dystopianmonkey01 wrote a review...

Hi, Tiana here for a review.

Ok, so when I first looked at this poem I skimmed over it and thought "eh okay, a poem about hating Monday's..." But then I thought "wait, WHY???" and I re-read it about thrice and it came to me: the allegorical context behind the days of the week.

I mean for one the personification is so rich and present that it does seem as if you are talking about a man and a woman (typically) or a deep friendship, and you've linked this to the days of the week really well.

*HOW I INTERPRETED IT* For Monday to have a derogatory tag attached to it, this could be associated with people or feelings. Someone can have negative energy with them, similar to Monday, and through being surrounded by them, this can diminish your mood and make you feel pensive and worthless. Moreover, with your line "A faint cry for help when reality decided to make himself ever so present", it's as if 'Tuesday' helps heal all the wounds, and takes away the breath of insanity and reality.

This is a good poem, but it didn't make me feel much to be honest. For me, since you haven't categorised this piece as a satire (which I think it should be), the humour in the last two lines almost spoils the piece. Yes, it's catchy and deep but I think through revising the poem a bit you can perhaps change this and make it a bit more sombre. That's my opinion anyway.

- Tiana :)

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14 Reviews

Points: 52
Reviews: 14

Mon Jan 16, 2017 10:01 pm
Fabis101 says...

I like the personification in this peace. Its cute and meaningful. Everyone has their own take on positivity and their relations to the days of the week and I thought this was an interesting look into that concept. I always appreciate when poetry ends with a strong phrase that leaves the readers wanting more. It also adds to the slight twist of positivity, sort of a light at the end of the tunnel.

One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.
— Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex