Away from the world
The worlds pace is fast
Faster than ever
It goes fast into fakeness
People walk in the name of world
They make this ‘world’
The sky above stays still
The earth down bears still
Every grass knows the truth
They seldom change from reality
People do turn fake, desert truth
They laugh aloud
They just laugh aloud
But seldom do they realize
The reality is yet laughing at them
I wonder how the earth still bears
I wonder how the sky still stands
I see them and learn to stay
In this world but away from it
Love and me, is all I want
Let them stay and I’ll bear
For the reality says,
The world will seek fakeness
And I wish to be real
Please oh my heart beat and beat
Forgive me for asking you to do so
You got to be real but live with fake
The waves in the ocean chant reality
It comes with hope to tell the world
It hits the shore and sees the world
It drops; it just drops and goes back
It knows that it has no voice here
Oh my heart, beat within me
Like the waves that stay within sea
Still the earth revolves
Still the flowers bloom
Still the air gives breath
All rely on one thing
One thing that can never be fake
That very thing, which keeps me here
‘Love’ I call it, I live it
Oh my heart! Beat for that
For the love which still loves the world
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there! Welcome to YWS!
I liked this piece! It flowed well for me. I would just try and break it into stanzas. That makes it a little easier to read, and you can separate different ideas within the poem.
Also, you don't have to capitalise every line, and you can add some punctuation.
This:
Could turn into this:
I would just try mixing it around a little bit.
One last thing,
Here you say "fast" a lot. In that list line you could have it as, "It rushes into fakeness" There are several repetitions throughout your piece and it may be beneficial to change them up a bit.
Overall, I really liked it!
Keep it up,
~Poem
Oh! I just realized on spell check that "Fakeness" isn't a word...you could try changing it into something like "Falseness". Or you could just leave it...it's up to you.