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E - Everyone

The Box

by pretnetiouswriting

A box sat in the garden. It was dangerous and left there long ago by people. Smart people. It was weird as it seemed sad, almost lonely, in the bush in a backyard. It wasn’t left in the backyard but under it. The box just decided it wanted to take a peek. Suddenly grubby hands-ones of a seven-year-old child grabbed him. He shouted and roared and chomped inside his mind, but the box knew that the child, that clutched him greedily, did not feel those expressions of anger. The box was mad now. Very mad. The child whipped his head around like someone was calling him.

“What’s that you have there…” said a loud voice; the boys dad. It wasn’t kind and the energy and vibe the kid was letting off… the box knew that the dad wasn’t nice that the child still loved him even though he hurt his mother. Even though he hurt the child to the point of breaking- physically and mentally. Even though he was cruel. The box licked his lips. Now he knew why he was sent above after all those years. He was sent to punish and destroy, and he had found the perfect target. At last.

The little boy hefted him over his shoulder like he was a human- not a box. The box liked that and settled in to the comfy spot as he was carried him up the stairs by the boy who sprinting like the devil was chasing after him, all the way up the creaky stairs and into the boy’s bedroom. It was innocent, it had cloud wallpaper and a cosy little bed. Places to store clothes and things and a cabinet to hold his little toys. The boy sat him down on the floor and started to trace around the outside and edges of the box. He looked at it with wonder as he looked underneath holding it up like it was trophy and peering underneath where a lock stood, dormant.

The box struggled and tried to move away. No! His mind screamed this would ruin the plan! He had never been opened. He had never dared. What if he was slurped up to where monsters like him were jailed?

“S-Sweetie! Dad and I are at the dinner table. Come now you w-wouldn’t want to hurt your dad’s feelings!” The mothers frail voice called. A message and a warning. The boy dropped the box.

Boom! Crash!

The box winced and silently cursed the little boy for not treating him with care. His foots stomped like a giant down the stairs. The box himself peered around the room at the other dolls and action-figures the boy owned. Only one stood out- a little angel doll, like the ones you hang up on your Christmas tree was sleeping on the pillow. Of course, the little boy had a good-two-shoes object that would protect him.

“Hehhdhfghsdb” The box called to the doll, it translated to; Why are you here?! Leave! Get out! You had to be strong with these types. The doll shook his head and the box fumed. The box wanted to stomp, but alas it had no legs. The doll giggled and his face, the box was so angry that it felt like steam was coming out of his ears.

The boy returned, louder than he did before. He picked up the box as fast as lightning and flicked the lock! The doll seemed shocked and even more worried for the boy. Was this a good or bad thing? He blinked and found himself in a new body a new world. He had grubby little hands and grubby little legs. He was human. He picked up the angel and stuffed it, so it reached the bottom. It cried out furiously, but the box, who was now a human didn’t hear it. The boy-box legs were like jelly swooshing from one spot to the other and the boy-box left his little room and called out. “Mum! Dad! I’m going out.” He pushed open the door as he decided that being seven was an appropriate age to let out on your own, it wasn’t, but the dad didn’t seem to care if he got killed and his mother was to scared of the dad to contradict him. The boy strolled outside to find that another boy. He pushed past.

“Thanks, Wilbur, for inviting me over!” He said, racing up to his bedroom. Wilbur so that was his name. He liked it. He rushed up the stairs to play with the boy. The parents to gobsmacked to say anything else.

When he entered the room, he found the boy pulling the angel, form before, string that made it talk.

“No! Don’t!” the boy-box cried, now even more worried as the boy he was about to play with came up, trying to fly like an angel.

“Oh no.” He muttered at the angel started to walk. It (or was it a he?) stared straight into the boy-box’s eyes.

“We can be friends,” Wilbur gagged at that, “We could both live in the human world.”

Wilbur considered it for a long while.

He reached his arm out and shook the angel’s hand, now all the boy-box had to do was figure out a way to kill angel-boy and inflict pain on this world, he might even kill the dad. Simple enough.

“So… Where do I stay?” The angel asked and when the box didn’t answer. “What’s my name?! What do I call you?” The box sighed he didn’t need these questions.

“I don’t know your name, I’ll call you Angel or Angel-boy for short, happy?” He said, bored. The angel gave an enthusiastic nod. Or nods. “I’ve never had name I don’t give a fu-, I don’t care what you call me” He amended, Angel-boy wouldn’t like swear words. He sighed as he looked at him with something like pity.

“I’ll call you… Hanry! Yes, Hanry’s a nice name!” Angel-boy exclaimed. He rolled his eyes.

“I don’t like nice names. Call me… Hm… Call me Kassak.” His tone was mean, cruel and bored like homework. Kassak sounded like poison, Angel-boy’s face screwed up like he had had a bowl of sour lemons, when Kassak turned his head he looked too afraid to contradict him. He rubbed his temples. “Just call me Ka.” He tried to make it better, but he didn’t like Hanry’s they were devil spawn. They killed his previous human, when he arrived here. He was sure of it. Angel looked so much happier.

“Son…” The dad called getting impatient. He grabbed Angel’s hand and tugged him down the stairs and gave pleading look to his dad which made him want to gag.

“An- I mean my friend needs to go home and would like to be picked up.” He said carefully. “Dad.” He added. The mother rushed to the phone and called his family. So, the person he inhabited knew this boy. Angel was blushing like crazy and Ka dropped his hand. Angel looked disappointed but chided himself. Ka cocked his head. His dad was staring confused.

“We are going to play for a bit longer.” He said again tugging him back upstairs. Angel was like a log. The dad seemed to not mind.

“I’m not sure if you gave yourself that little lecture under your breath, because I’m a boy and you’re a boy, or if I work for hell and you work for heaven.” Ka crooned as he flopped onto the bed. Angel-boy watched every movement and gulped, very loudly. “Ha. Don’t worry. I’m just wondering, because I’m told to be very attractive.” Ka chuckled, as he winked. He hadn’t been in a body and felt this good since before the After were heaven became powerful and he had to inhibit the box that was lying on the floor He picked it up and threw it out the window more aware then ever that he was being watched by Angel-boy.

“H-How are yo-ou so confident to be…” Angel tried.

“Gay?” Ka helped. Angel gave a dip of his head, a nod. He felt every stroke of muscle that it took him to walk. Oh, it did feel good to be human. “I knew when I was young. It’s ok to be it. It’s not a crime of heaven or anything. Is it? I would hope not.” Ka had to admit he was babbling. “I haven’t found the right guy yet to be in a relationship, but I’ve kissed guys before.” Ka gave a wink to Angel-boy. He blushed deeper. It felt good to rile him up. He heard the mother step up the stairs and fell silent.

“Darling. His mother is here. Would he and you like to catch up again?” The mother asked her voice as frail, as those bones of hers shaking like she was sixty years olden then she was. Ka raised an eyebrow at Angel-boy, he got the memo and nodded his head.

“I would like that very much.” Ka said, very happily. Her mother broke into a smile. It was like she wasn’t a zombie anymore. Not half-dead.

“We’ll organise that then. I got his mothers number.” She said more confidently this time. Angel boy follow the mother when she gestured to follow her. Ka rubbed his face, he was tired. So tired. A disadvantage of being human he supposed. His arms were all floppy. The mother entered the room as shy as a mouse.

“That boy that you had over was very nice.” The mum whispered.

“Yeah, he was, wasn’t he?” He replied, trying not to sound sarcastic.

“Honey, are you ok?” The mum asked genuinely worried.

“You do remember that before you dad I was a very good physiologist.” She arched her eyebrow and put her hand on her hip. Ka liked this version on the mum. Very feisty, but now he had to give a very good excuse.

“Mum…” Kassak began and at the tone the mum took a worried look at sat next to him on the bed. “I’m gay. That’s why I’ve been weird. I’m worried.” The best lies were mixed with truth. He wasn’t worried at all, but supposedly humans and angels are worried about being gay? It was weird. He knew it worked because the mother gasped an hushed him.

“Your dad wouldn’t like that Wilbur, but I won’t tell him. Thanks for telling me… I’ll leave” She said like Ka was a child. She got up before he could reply and stumbled out of his room. He yawns and decided to take a nap, so he closed his eyes and drifted off. He dreamed of being a box again. It was a nightmare, but one he had already experienced before, luckily.

He groaned and pulled the covers on his bed. He turned his head to the little drawer and read is alarm clock.

12:37 PM

He swore inwardly and got out of bed, he got changed into pants and a shirt with a cloak to keep him warm, he looked very suspicious. Kassak creeped down the bed were the dad was drinking beer. Ka closed his eyes and breathed in softly careful not to disturb the dad. He creeped upstairs and jumped right out of his window, that was on the second floor. He landed with a thud and brushed off the loose dirt that jumped onto his cloak which was annoying. He lifted his head up like an antelope and raised a hand straight forward on the dirt were there was the tiniest trace of Angel-boys particles and scent he left behind. Ka was lucky that an angel didn’t have to hide in their world and never learnt the way of disguises themselves. He ran across the pathway that lead up to the house and followed the particles all the way to the house that Angel was residing in. It was small, but cosy. Perfect for a single mother and her child. Kassak went around the house, as it only had on floor, and peered in. It was Angel boy’s bedroom. It was filled with books and posters and more books. It seemed weird for a kid that handsome to be that bookish. Angel’s blond hair fell onto his face as he turned around in the plain bed. Kassak stared at himself, in the window it gave a reflection, though barely. His black hair with wisps of navy fell onto his face right above his eyes of stormy blue and greys. It was weird for him to see himself after all this time and found it comforting that he was handsome at least. He picked up the pebbles that were in the forest that resided in the backyard of Angel-boys house.

Bam! Pec! Pec! Pec! Bam!

He took his hands to peer into the window and find Angel boy getting up. His eyes widened and he walked over. Pulling up the window, he asked. “What are you doing here?”

“Do you have your powers back?” He asked, ignoring the question.

“Yeah.” He said a bit mad at Kassak. Ka shrugged at the tone and continued.

“Good. Come with me then.” He pulled him. holding him over his shoulders. He struggled with protests and after a short run. He came to the worse part of town. Angel-boy rolled his eyes.

“Of course, you would come here.” Angel chuckled.

“Shut up.” Kassak growled. His cloak morphing into a leather jacket. He admired himself.

“Aren’t you going to change those?” Angel asked pointing at the demin skinny jeans that stuck to his legs, Angel noticed that he kept them the same.

“I can’t and you don’t want me to change in front of you, do you?” He asked, eyebrow arched. Angel blushed furiously and waved him off.

“N-No.” He said. Kassak liked making him blush. It was a good feeling. He gave a big hearty laugh. Ka took a moment; it had been a while since he had done a laugh as joyful as that. A laugh instead of a crackle. A big man came up.

“What are kids like you doing here?” He asked, gruffly. Ka had forgotten they were seven.

“What’s an idiot like you doing here?” He replied, matching his tone. He willed the violence and pain he had known and caused into his eyes. A storm of dark clouds and thunder seem to form from the grey that slept in the bottom of his eyes. The man leaned over the top of him. Ka did not break his gaze. His breath smelled like beer and cigarettes.

“Oh you!” He yelled it like a Viking war cry. The tackled. Half rolling on the dirty concrete. In ten split seconds Ka was on him, without a scratch. The same couldn’t be same for the big man that engaged in the tackle. Blood from a broken nose fell. His arms flopped; they were broken.

Kassak raised his chin high and no one stopped him when he asked for a cigarettes, basically handed it to him. Angel-Boy leaned in and whispered. “Where did you learn to do that?”

He let the smoke rise out of his mouth in rings. “When you live in my part of town, you learn how to do things.” He muttered to tired to muster any of that swagger he held.

“Why did you have to be so mean to him!” Angel exclaimed, as the man started howling at the resident doctor came and patched up his arm.

“Dominance, also to get an audience,” He flicked the cigarette into the ash tray and hefted himself off the bench he was resting at.

“With who?” Angel-boy was more curious then mad now, scuffling after him. Kassak smiled.

“You’ll find out soon… Oh! Perfect timing!” He exclaimed as a man bowed and muttered for Ka to follow him. Kassak let out a stiff nod and watched him stroll through the black markets, following behind. It was as he had a map on the back of his hands.

“Leave now.” Ka said to Angel boy.

“What?! I thought you said you needed me and that I would get to see someone!” He exclaimed crossly, but still didn’t follow Ka as he walked on.

“If you follow me, you’ll get killed. Kapesh?” Ka said almost bored, he watched from the corner of his eyes as Angel boy flew off. So… he did have some powers. Common sense as well.

“We are here.” said the old guide that halted right outside the owner of this messed up trader’s home.

“Thanks. Foger.” Kassak replied, letting a sneer rise on his face.

One knock.

Two knocks.


“Ah! Kassak. My loyal adviser! Where have you been?” Asked the black suited man in front of him, who interrupted his train of thought. Ka bowed on one knee.

“Master.” Kassak said. It has been long. Maybe he wasn’t part of the Devil’s Inner Circle? “The humans trapped me in a box.” He spat.

“Get off your knees! We are friends aren’t we not?” He said as he pulled him off the floor. “Hm…. Humans dirty creatures, aren’t they? I see you figured out to inhabit their bodies though. Yes, demons only started around a decade ago… and you roughed one of the humans up a bit!” Master chuckled, referring to the man he had wounded. Ka poked his head through the door.

“Can I have a cigarette?” He asked, already reaching for one. Master gave a stiff nod still staring at him.

“You need to go now.” He said pulling out an elegant pocket-watch, his Master was always so neat. “I imagine as a seven-year-old. You are supposed to be in bed.”

“Ah! Yes! Thank you!” Ka exclaimed already running down the halls taking huge leaps. The smoke rings hit him in the face, so he turned to the side. He was faster than a normal human in the cars the held so dear.

He stopped at the house he was staying at and jumped into his bedroom through the window he left open. He snuggled into the sheets and closed his eyes waiting for dawn.

It came too soon.

He was greeted by shouting downstairs and felt like it might be good to intervene. Feeling good that Master was still alive and kicking, he skipped down the stairs. The dad stopped shouting and stared at him. The mother stopped shaking and stared at him. He just hummed a merry tune as he sat upon the stool that was in front of a bowl and the box of cereal, pouring its contents into the bowl. He started eating, feeling the tension in the room, he felt he was good to say something.

“Hey Mum,” his said, mouth full. “Hey Dad.”

They were still gobsmacked from how comfortable it was for him to hear the dad shouting at the mother. “Thanks! I’m going over to my friend’s house.”

His dad seemed to awaken with that sentence and grabbed his wrists. “Young man. You have school.”

He could have easily killed him. Right here, right now, sadly seven-year old’s don’t kill their dads. He made a show of pouting.

“Ok…” Ka said, acting. He rushed upstairs to the bedroom he was staying at and got ready for school.

He pulled his school bag over the shoulder and left. Without lunch; Ka hadn’t experienced school where you didn’t fight for food. He arrived at the gates. Kassak was a fast learner and took some of the boys memories. The boy he was inhabiting had a girlfriend named Milly and best friend who was, luckily, Angel-boy. Milly met him on the way up.

“You said you were going to see me on the weekend!” She pouted. Popular, Milly helped Wilbur (the boy body Ka was inhabiting) to rise is status.

“Yeah sorry Mills. My mates had plans. Maybe next weekend we could hang out. Just you and me?” He asked sincerely. He was gagging on the inside. It didn’t mean he didn’t like girls. They were cool. He just didn’t like this one.

“Oh, okay! Just you and me.” She repeated. She skipped of the join her squad and start gossiping. Ka was tempted to spit in the dirt. He saw Angel-boy who had a flock of girls attending to him. He looked sick.

“Hey ladies, can I talk to Angel-boy here?” He asked knowing they won’t take remember the nickname. it seemed everyone called him Angel boy. When they didn’t move, he tried winking at them and saying Mils and her squad were looking for some new members. They started fainting and quelling about how cute he was and ran off to talk to Milly.

Kassak decided he liked school.

“Hey Angel. How are you doing?” He asked, taking a moment to study Angel-boy- his hair was ruffled, and his hand was on his heart.

“I thought they were going to kill me.” He muttered. Kassak laughed at that, taking a moment to appreciate how funny his friend looked at the moment.

“Thank you.” Angel added.

“No problem.” He said trying to clear up the weirdness of being thanked.

“You’re good at making them leave.” He stated. He was, wasn’t he? Ka winked.

“Well, we have class together. We should leave now.” Kassak said looking at the big watch that hang right at the front of their primary school.

“Yeah.” Angel-boy remarked as he swung his bag onto his shoulder and started walking to class, ignoring the blushes and coo’s he got from other girls. Ka laughed and shook his head. They had no idea.

They both sat down at class. Ka became immensely interested in the pencil on the desk and started rolling it back and forth.

“Wilbur!” The teachers stark voice sliced through the room. Ka remembering his name was Wilbur apparently called. “Yes, miss?”

“Solve math problem four.” It was some, over-the-top question that was meant for people much older than him- a punishment on near sleeping in class. He called upon that little pocket of power he kept hidden.

“Yes, miss.” He said as he got out of his chair and started scribbling on the board. Whispers and the short giggles danced through the air. The teacher checked her glasses.

“Correct.” She breathed. All the laughing stopped.

“Thank you, miss.” He said as he winked at the whole class and the geek in the corner of the room, seemed to join most of the girls in the class in one big sigh of contentment and blushes here and there.

“Mr Johnson back to your seat.” She ordered.

“Ok, miss.” Kassak took his chair and was delighted to see Angel-boy’s head down to stop the big grin over his face. And to hide the blushing.

He stared off into space. Answering questions and worksheets when he had too. School was boring. Life was boring. Milly was boring. But was Angel-boy?

He supposed not; he was almost relieved when he was told it was “Lunch”. Snack-time. It was funny for him to be allowed that break. He almost thought someone was being punished and the principal wanted to make a show of it.

That was what he would have done.

He sat with Angel-boy and Milly, the girlfriend. “Did your parents pack your recess, my love?” Milly asked as Ka held back a wince as he said no. Angel-boy acted fast.

“He can share with me.” He said almost a sneer coming. It made Ka laugh. “Here you go.” He said handing him pancakes. He took a bite. It was delicious.

“I made it for breakfast and had some left over… Do you like it?” He asked, curious on Ka’s opinion.

“To be honest…” He began. Angel bit his lip. “This is the best thing I have ever tasted!” Angel-boy’s face brightened like the sun coming out from clouds. He rushed over and hugged Ka.

“Thank you!” Angel-boy exclaimed, squeezing him tighter.

“Uh…” Ka started. Angel realised that he was hugging him and backed off, hiding his blush under his hands. Mills looked at Ka.

“Honey dearest! You must not forget that I’m your girlfriend.” She reminded Ka.

“Yeah. I know that!” he exclaimed not looking away from Angel-boy’s eyes. Milly pouted.

“We haven’t walked home in a while; you want to do that?” Milly asked, a feeble attempt to get Ka’s attention, never less he looked at her.

“Yeah sure.” Ka replied calmly as he checked his watch, it was the cloak, but morphed again; an hour until school finished.

It took a while of boring assignment planning, but finally school was done.

Milly grabbed his hand and started skipping down the street. She seemed to know where he lived. Angel followed closely to his side. Milly stopped early and Ka remarked that she looked sad.

“This is my stop. I have to go…” Milly explained and left with a peck on the lips. He supposed Wilbur would be ecstatic, so Ka tried his best. “I’m digging the bad-boy look.” She called as she skipped up the stairs and watched Ka and Angel-boy walk back. Ka gave an incline of his head; a little bow of thanks.

“Uh… What was that?!” Angel boy exclaimed. He was angry, Ka howled. It made Angel-Boy even more cross.

“Oh, cheer up. You look cute when your mad.” Ka teased. Angel wouldn’t budge. Ka sighed.

“Look, if I break up out of the blue. No explanation, unless you want to make a move, it would be suspicious, wouldn’t it?” Ka asked.

“I don’t. I can’t make a move… and I guess it would suspicious…” Angel mumbled. Ka nodded, satisfied.

“Well, what are you going to do now?” Angel asked Ka, who seemed to now see Kassak’s house and realise that Ka was going the other way.

“I have something to pick up and to have some fun, of course.” Ka said calmly strolling down so fast that Angel-boy had to run to catch up to him.

Kassak was wondering down the local city and stopped at an alleyway, where a new band of graffiti artists had drawn an arrow and a symbol. Ka grinned and ran down the alley, Angel-boy followed confused.

Something lay hidden.

It was like Ka’s morphing cloak, but it was pants.

Ka stuffed it on and whispered to it in only a language he knew, he learnt and when it was comfortable and rested, Kassak found himself looking for something to do, but suddenly something appeared; an empty space in the pavement.

Angel seemed wary as he stepped with his feet a hip width apart like Ka. Kassak himself smirked.

He stared at the note at the empty space in the pavement. He stuffed it down his jean-pockets and told Angel-boy to leave.

“Where?” He asked.

“Your house?” Ka offered, still thinking about the note and not paying attention.

“Yeah, sure.” Angel-boy replied, Kassak whipped his head around. He didn’t know Angel was going to say yes!

“Ok, lead the way!” Ka exclaimed, new-found energy coursing through his bones. Angel-boy nodded and trekked on.

Kassak and Angel-boy walked side by side. Ka bit his lip, still thinking about the note, tears pricked his eyes.

“So, what did that piece of paper sa-,” Angel boy began to ask, then seeing him crying, stopped talking and looked straight ahead. He moved closer to Ka’s side, Ka looked at him, but he was still facing forward, so Ka followed his lead.

Angel-boy’s finger’s interlaced with Ka and he squeezed tightly, like it could stop both of them colouring. Ka stopped and Angel stopped as well, finally looking at him.

“What?” Angel boy asked, Ka, for his part, just smiled. Ka took a sly look at him and, all of a sudden, kissed him. Angel boy kissed him back, deeper.

When they finally broke apart, they both looked equally shocked.

“Tha… That was...” Angel boy started but words seemed to leave him.

“Amazing, is the thing I can think of...No! It was better than amazing…” Kassak breathed, he looked away. Then said quietly in Angel-boy’s ear, so only he could hear.

I’m going to go now, I’ll meant you on Monday at school, I’m going to take a well deserve rest tomorrow.” Ka chuckled, he didn’t wait for Angel-boy’s reply and just left him, mouth open and his brain still trying to figure out what had just happened. Ka’s brain was doing that too, but at least Kassak can hide it.

He walked inside with a big, goofy grin on his face. The dad turned away from the newspaper… and he smiled, it looked wrong on his face.

“I know that look, it’s the look of a boy who’s kissed their one-and-only.” The dad pushed, looking smug that he had figured him out. “What’s her name? Is she pretty? A bet she’s a catch, eh?”

Ka bit his lip. Had the person before him that occupy this body liked men? He figured what the hell.

“Yes, he is a catch and yes, he is handsome.” Ka chuckled. The dad nodded.

“I knew it, my boy has gotten a good sheila. Wait. He. Handsome?!” The dad screeched.

“Yeah…” Ka said and whipped his head around. “So what?”

And with that mic drop and the turn of his back. Ka left the room and retired to the bedroom.

“Hm… Angel-boy… what are you doing now?” Ka wondered aloud, then with a cruel twist of fate a stone hit his window.

And another.


“Alright! Alright!’ Ka called, opening up his window when…


A stone hit Ka in the face.

“Oops! Sorry!” Someone called down below, he had brown hair and bright green eyes like a forest, he was wearing a printed tee, that only he could pull off and pants that were loose, but it seemed to help the calm that the boy had. Despite the boy’s appearance, a sneer appeared on Ka’s face.

“What are you doing here? And who are you?!” Kassak growled, wanting to bite this boy’s head off.

“Well I saw you with that boy and was wondering if you would petition for Gay, Lesbian and Bi rights?” The hot boy said, quickly. Ka shook his head and called back.

“Mind your own damn business!” Ka growled. “And leave!”

With a final retort he slammed the window down.

He went back to his thoughts, but his window was tugged open and the unknown hot boy stepped through.

“Look, could you just sign here, please?” He pleaded, a bit mesmerized at how comfortable this boy looked and how idiotic he was to not notice how handsome he was, Ka just nodded and when he sat on his bed, shoulder touching shoulder, Ka gulped, loudly.

“Ok, take the pen,” He explained, Ka just did what he was told. “And… sign here,”

After he signed, the boy thanked Ka and when he was about to jump out of the window Ka called for him to wait.

Though Ka hadn’t thought that far ahead and as the boy waited for him to say more, when he didn’t talk his mouth he said. “Well, bye.”

Oh dear, it seemed that I have stumbled upon a love triangle…, Ka thought. He didn’t fell like doing anything for the day and whenever he got up from his bed, intrusive thoughts of Angel and the unknown hot boy.

“Urgh! What is wrong with my head!” He exclaimed to himself, he seemed to remember something as he checked the alarm that woke him up in the mornings and swore under his breath, he was late.

He leapt out of the window, rushing down the streets and prayed to not run into the unknown boy.

Of course, at that very moment he did.

“Hey!” The boy exclaimed.

“Sorry.” Ka mumbled.

“It’s ok!” The boy laughed, “where are you going?”

“To meet a…friend.” He cringed.

“Oh! What’s his name?” The boy asked.

“I call him Angel-boy.” Ka replied.

“He must be your boy-friend or something.” The boy mumbled.

“No! No. It’s not like that.” Ka chuckled.

“Oh!” The boy brightened; his smile returned. “Can I also come with you?”

Kassak arched a brow.

“Urgh! Not like that! To get signatures from him.” He explained, reddening.

“Ok. If you can catch me.” Ka called, already racing.

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25 Reviews

Points: 1553
Reviews: 25

Sun May 31, 2020 7:37 pm
KahleneTenorio says...

Hi, this is Kahlene! I saw that this story was in the Green Room so I thought I'd give you a review!

The story was great, it was very well written. Although the grammar is a little short-handed, that can be improved by rereading the story to check if there are any errors. The dialogue the story was also good, though you should indicate who is speaking and such, readers may get confused. The storyline was also good, which is a great start! Though the story did end quite unexpected.

The story was going somewhere but was ended on a complete stop. I don't know if this was a cliffhanger and there would be a sequel to this story, or you are still adding on. I wanted to know what would happen when Angel boy found out about the Mystery boy, I was very interested in the story. I would love there to be more to it.

Also, at the begging of the story, it was a bit confusing. I didn't understand what was going on, I recommend telling what the boy named, Wilbur was doing before he found the box, and why the demon was trapped in there. This would add more context, the readers will also understand the story more too. The part where the angel doll passed the boy, you should add more about how that happened, usually, angels don't possess people.

More or less, this was a great story, I did enjoy reading. I hope you add more or create a sequel so I can read and review them. I hope you have a good day! ^-^

User avatar
25 Reviews

Points: 1553
Reviews: 25

Sun May 31, 2020 7:36 pm
KahleneTenorio wrote a review...

Hi, this is Kahlene! I saw that this story was in the Green Room so I thought I'd give you a review!

The story was great, it was very well written. Although the grammar is a little short-handed, that can be improved by rereading the story to check if there are any errors. The dialogue the story was also good, though you should indicate who is speaking and such, readers may get confused. The storyline was also good, which is a great start! Though the story did end quite unexpected.

The story was going somewhere but was ended on a complete stop. I don't know if this was a cliffhanger and there would be a sequel to this story, or you are still adding on. I wanted to know what would happen when Angel boy found out about the Mystery boy, I was very interested in the story. I would love there to be more to it.

Also, at the begging of the story, it was a bit confusing. I didn't understand what was going on, I recommend telling what the boy named, Wilbur was doing before he found the box, and why the demon was trapped in there. This would add more context, the readers will also understand the story more too. The part where the angel doll passed the boy, you should add more about how that happened, usually, angels don't possess people.

More or less, this was a great story, I did enjoy reading. I hope you add more or create a sequel so I can read and review them. I hope you have a good day! ^-^

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556 Reviews

Points: 29220
Reviews: 556

Sat May 30, 2020 2:53 pm
Tenyo wrote a review...

Hey Pretnetiouswriting!

This is fantastic! It's so creative, I love the concept behind it, and the way it unfolds. Kassak is a great character. He seems quite sinister in the beginning but as the story went on he became quite likeable. Even though he seems to think quite highly of himself, his whimsicality and awkwardness endearing. The perspective is fascinating.

There were parts I found quite confusing, especially when it came to names. I think it would be better for all of the characters to be named from the beginning. The transition of the boy-box, and the sudden introduction of Angel, were parts I had to read over a couple of times to figure out how things were piecing together. The boy at the end could also do with having an a name and identity, right now he feels a bit more like a sounding board for the plot. It would be good to take a paragraph or a few sentences just to properly introduce each character first, and the same with each scene, to create a stronger sense of setting.

The age of characters seems a bit awkward. Whilst seven year old's are not oblivious to romance, I'm not sure that campaigning for LGBT rights or making romantic innuendos is something that would casually occur between their peers.

This is a really great piece, and you've put so much imagination into it. Some things could be rewritten to make them clearer, but the overall concept and plot is great. Nice work!

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
— Robert Frost