[Inside the classroom of an American high school, Teacher is looking over some papers. Student enters the classroom with a bag.]
Teacher- [Putting papers aside.]
Why are you late to class?
Student- (Pulls an empty bottle of thyme seasoning out of the bag.)
I'm sorry Mrs. Teacher, I ran out of thyme.
Teacher- I don't see how that's related to you being late…
Student- (Pulls out parsley.)
It was only parsley my fault.
Teacher- What? Why are you late?!
Student- (Beets and an orange.)
Well, I was playing some sick beets when I saw a pretty cool orange truck.
(Salt and pepper.)
and then I was feeling pretty salty until, I saw my girl pepper get out out of
that truck.
Teacher- What kind of game are you playing?
Student- (Taco, lettuce, and olives.)
So I told her, let's taco about this truck!
She was like, no I don't want to speak, lettuce just drive!
So I was like, olive you! And we drove around.
Teacher- (Puts her hand on her face.)
This is nuts… I mean crazy!!!
Student- (Peach, peas, and egg.)
I told my girl that she was a peach, and she was like peas stop!
When we got back from driving I was so eggcited to tell everyone about
my gal and her truck.
Teacher- And that is why you are late?
Student- yep.
Teacher- Let me get this straight?
No thyme. Only parsley. Sick beets. Orange truck. Salty emotions. Girl
named pepper. Let's taco. Lettuce drive. Olive you. A peach. Peas stop.
so eggcited.
Student- exactly.
Teacher- you could've used egg again, what am I saying! Lettuce talk about this
later! Go to your seat and romaine there until I've eggscused you.
Dang it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Student- Are you okay?
Teacher- Just peachy.
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140,070 Literary Works • 672,989 Reviews
Okay, first off, I love all the intended puns. It's made my day, as a lover of all things involved in this skit.
Onto my critiques: You have a slight punctuation misstep in "and then I was feeling pretty salty until, I saw my girl pepper get out out of that truck." The comma after until isn't needed. Secondly, the stage directions are in brackets the first two times, and the rest of the skit they're in parentheses. Consistency is needed. In my read-through, the last three lines of the teacher's annoy me slightly. All the periods could be changed to commas and it would improve flow a bit better. One more critique: the "Dang it!" of the teacher's isn't doing anything for me, especially not with all those exclamation points. Just some personal opinions of mine.
Overall, great job and keep writing!
OMG I LOVE PUNS AND THIS MADE MY DAY I NEED MORE THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Radrook here to provide some feedback. Please note that if I offend it is totally unintentional since my motive is to help not annoy. Typos are caused by my lazy eye that makes me see two keyboards. That having been said here we go:
I greatly enjoyed this composition concerning a student who is late to class and his teacher who demands a reason why. I like how the student leads her on with explanations that include food.
The reaction of the teacher after each inane explanation adds to the hilarity as does his ignoring her completely and plowing ahead with his explanation. The best part for me was when the teacher seems to lose control and starts using language in the very humorous way described.
Very inventive and creative. Never occurred to me to twist language around that way! LOL! But it goes to show how we can make something creative and the situation used need not be elaborate, Just have mere conversation between two people can provide plenty of drama. Thanks for sharing this humorous piece. Looking forward to reading more of your work-especially those with a humorous angle like this one.
Hey preston7,
Shady here with a review for you! I noticed you're new to YWS - so WELCOME! I hope you're enjoying it so far, and if you ever need any help feel free to hit me up on my wall or via PM
Simple case of a misplaced comma, I believe. I think it should be between "salty" and "until" rather than between "until" and "I". "I was feeling pretty salty, until I saw..."
Also, if "pepper" is a name it should be capitalized.
~ ~ ~
This was really entertaining. Typically I'm not a fan of puns, but the teacher's reaction at the end really makes this piece. It's perfect. Well done
I mean the thyme and parsley seemed realistic. Maybe even the beets and orange. But I mean who carries around tacos, olives, and peas just to make puns? It's funny but seems like a bit of a stretch.
Overall, though, I highly enjoyed this. It's a nice little piece of light-hearted comedy, and I could see this being funny as a short, slap-stick comedy piece in a small theater or something. Great job!
Keep writing!
~Shady
When I worked at a grocery store my friend and I would stock the isles and make food puns and make customers look at us weirdly. I feel that you have captured the true aura of good (and bad) food puns. You, my dear sir, are a true hero. I apple-laud you.
The salt and pepper line... that pun is a bit wilted around the leaves, if you (marshm)allow me to be so blunt. You may want to re-cummin-sidder that one. Also, although the teacher sounds eggsellently flummoxed by the end, one of her sentences gives the reader a bit of a stop, which is always terrierable in a story (that is an animal pun but bear with me. I'm not the beast with puns, so I have to use a wilder otter-illary).
"You could've used egg again, what am I saying!" could be butter rephrased to "You could've used egg again... wait, what am I saying?!" or some other substitute.
Thank you for aloe-ing me to critique this eggcellent story, keep on writing!
-The guardian of Autumn and flying foxes, and aviary bad animal puns.