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Young Writers Society



Attraction and the Bad Boy(1)

by possibleintrovert


Note: This is once again another short of that I have thought of. I REALLY should be doing my homework right now... but that's no fun(:

Attraction and the Bad Boy

The town that they both lived in was small and dusty. The only hotspot was the local cafe which the old timers met to discuss the local agricultural status. In the heart of the town lay a high school which was deteriorating under the wrath of the state budget. That is were Bridget slumped over in her chair, during second period algebra, fighting to keep conscious.

Bridget was nothing special. Average student with average problems. In her home was an average, loving family. However, Bridget was anything but bland. Inside her mind was where she kept her secrets, and secretly fantasised about a more exciting life outside of the speck-on-the-map town. Though she knew better than to relay her cipher onto anyone else, for she may experience even more judgements.

Bridget never conformed to anything. She made no effort to be different, and it made no difference to her. Her life was drama free, and she maintained it to be so. Negative people who tortured her with their words were shunned by Bridget, therefore they were diseased, in her mind. Though nobody would be able to tell just by looking at her.

The bell rang releasing the students from their suffocating classrooms. Bridget coasted from algebra to chemistry carelessly. It was a Wednesday, the most dull day of the week. She took a seat in her regular spot, and proceeded to fulfil her daily duties as a high school junior. After she did her time in school she prepared to leave, which included hauling a stack of text books over to her car. She pulled away and saw something that she would never forget.

She had seen him before, but time had made her interpretation of his face different from what it was then. He was sitting on the bed of his truck with what seemed to be his friends. He looked tall, strong, and intimidating. Automatically his face was stamped on her brain and she couldn't tear her mind off of the fact that she wanted to be with him.

It was a bizarre feeling that kept her in its grasp. She had only seen him that one time on her way home, and all of a sudden she couldn't stop thinking about how she could possibly get to know him. Bridget felt silly and juvenile, but her hormones tickled her heart making her act differently. It wasn't long until she kept her eyes peeled for any sighting of him. Though, once the two week mark passed she gave up on trying to find her prince charming.

Friday nights at the beginning of May reminded her of summer. The weather was warming and welcomed back Friday night parties, which was where Bridget was heading to. Unlike regular school days, she took an extra thirty minutes in front of the mirror, just in case. The house was being filtered with young people when she pulled up. A friend that she had just gotten back into contact with ran out screaming her name. The fear of showing up to the wrong event disappeared.

The gathering was small, but sufficient. Bridget sat on a frumpy couch with a coke in hand. She socialised and was keeping to her nonchalant attitude. Then, Charming walked through the open door, welcoming himself inside. Bridget's new friend squealed in excitement as he did so. "Oh my God your here! Everyone meet Andrew!" He nodded as everyone made eye contact with him, almost as if they were accepting him in the group. He made eye contact with Bridget as he made his way over to the ice chest. She smiled without using her teeth and continued to make conversation with Robert, who showed interest in her.

Half way through the night was when things started to imitate the changing weather. Beer was brought over and music was cranked up. Bridget grabbed a beer and went outside to join others who were watching, or ogling at the stars. The smell of cigarette smoke and sweaty youth meshed in with the scent of freshly cut grass. Bridget cracked open the beer and let the bitter liquid stream down her throat. She leaned against a truck and pulled out her phone to answer ignored text messages.

It wasn't long until Andrew joined her.

This will be continued!


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56 Reviews


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Thu Apr 01, 2010 10:47 am
Ikafe wrote a review...



:D :D Yeeeey I loved it... it was interesting...can't wait to read the other chapters... :lol:




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Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:56 am
Forgotpzwrd wrote a review...



:lol:
i suppose the bad boy is Andrew? same as mine, kewl!

like the story! i also like how she thought of people as diseases... :twisted:

this is worth continuing,, i'll read the next part when you'll post it, :D




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Thu Mar 18, 2010 9:14 pm
Coffee_and_Karma wrote a review...



Hi there! I loved this story. The title is a bit meh though, so I'd change it. :) I have lots of tiny nitpicks, so let's get down to it.

The town that they both lived in was small and dusty. The only hotspot was the local cafe which where? the old timers met to discuss the local agricultural status. In the heart of the town lay a high school which was deteriorating under the wrath of the state budget.Like this! That wasis where Bridget slumped over in her chair, during second period algebra, fighting to keep conscious.

Since the story is in past tense, is should be was. This is an alright first paragraph, but it doesn't really grab you, you know? The same thing with the next paragraph. No one really cares about Bridget and her town if you don't first give us a reason to want to. Also, it takes you a looong time to identify who the "they both" in the first sentence is, so I'd switch it to just Bridget.
Negative people who tortured her with their words were shunned by Bridget, therefore they were diseased, in her mind.

Seems like you've got this backwards. It reads that Bridget shunned negative people, and because she shuns them she thinks they're diseased. I think it should read that Bridget thinks negative people are diseased and because she thinks they're diseased she shuns them. Big difference. :)
The bell rang, releasing the students from their suffocating classrooms.

The first four paragraphs are a bit of an info dump. I'd keep some, because it's nice to have background before jumping in, but certainly not all. Especially, Bridget's character should be revealed more and less straight up told.

She had seen him before, but time had made her interpretation of his face different from what it was then. He was sitting on the bed of his truck with what seemed to be his friends. He looked tall, strong, and intimidating. Automatically his face was stamped on her brain and she couldn't tear her mind off of the fact that she wanted to be with him.

Alright, what annoyed me here is that the whole paragraph is about how much this dude's face affected her, and you never say what it looks like. It's a perfect time, and it's a time when I really want to know.
It was a bizarre feeling that kept her in its grasp. She had only seen him that one time on her way home, and all of a sudden she couldn't stop thinking about how she could possibly get to know him. Bridget felt silly and juvenile, but her hormones tickled her heart making her act differently. It wasn't long until she kept her eyes peeled for any sighting of him. Though, once the two week mark passed she gave up on trying to find her prince charming.

I know teenage love is confusing, but I feel like you could be more direct here. You never really say what the "bizarre feeling" is or how she "acts differently". You talk about how she feels about her original feeling, but don't give a lot of detail on the original feeling itself. Flesh out these two weeks, please.
The house was being filteredfilled? with young people when she pulled up.

"Oh my God you're here! Everyone meet Andrew!"


So that's it! Overall, I really liked this, it seemed like it had a lot of potential. I don't feel like I quite know who Bridget is, which can be a problem with those character info dump paragraphs, but hopefully in the continuation we'll get some dialogue and her personality will come in to focus. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait for the next part.

~Karma ;)




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Thu Mar 18, 2010 7:54 pm
MsBamaMeagan wrote a review...



I loved this story, I cant wait to read the next chapter to it. Very good overall. Hey, can you do me a favor and make the next chapter really soon? Because every body is waiting as you can tell to see the next part in this story. I hope things work out with Andrew and Bridget. I hope they get together!




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Thu Mar 18, 2010 5:41 am
captain.classy wrote a review...



Hey! I felt bad seeing that you haven't received any criticism yet, and thought I would drop in! :P


The town that they both lived in was small and dusty.

Alright. So, let me start out by saying this is not something you want to start a story with. It's dull, and has no real spark to it that makes me wan to keep reading. You need something original (And I know it's hard to find, but it will come to you!) If you're ever having trouble with starting off stories, use a quote.
This sounds more like something you'd put in the second or third paragraph. Maybe you should had a first paragraph foreshadowing what will happen. Maybe your beginning could be the first time she sees him. That would be way more interesting and inviting.

However, Bridget was anything but bland. Inside her mind was where she kept her secrets, and secretly fantasised about a more exciting life outside of the speck-on-the-map town.

I hate to break it to you, but what you say about a girl secretly wanting more exciting things out of life is bland. It's not a bad thing, but most teenage girls do want that, more than anything actually. So I would take the underlined sentence out.

I did like this. You should consider a title change, since the title is a bit... ordinary.

I'm excited to see what happens next!

Questions/comments, PM me.

Classy




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Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:31 am
portersrose wrote a review...



I can't wait to read the other parts/chapters/segments/things! Of this story! Hey, I had a rare good idea, usually all my ideas make no sense. How about... you continue this story really fast so I can read it really soon! Huh? You don't have time, nonsense! You always have time for W-R-I-T-I-N-G! =D =D =D

~Hugs,
Rose




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Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:39 pm
Nike wrote a review...



I hope you make a continuation! I loved this sooo much! But I thought that you were going a bit fast at some parts like "She gave up after the 2 week mark" you should go slower there, talk about the whole time. And please continue! I wanna know about Andrew & Bridget!




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Fri Mar 12, 2010 6:45 am
wasprt1 says...



nice i thought it was really good i hope ill get to see the other parts to the story soon





I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.
— Walt Disney