This is a poem based on our co-novel and it’ll probably be in the story 
. It’s from Marco’s POV so it’s written by Mikko’. Then again, if you haven’t read the story yet, you wouldn’t understand—so please check it out!
To Annalane.
When looking in each other's eyes,
We forget the world,
We set free our hearts,
And throw away the lies.
In the world we live in,
This is impossible,
It is an abomination,
A very deadly sin.
I must hate you,
Yet I cannot,
Flee, we shall
For it is all we can do.
I want us to be free,
And to love you forever,
I will indeed keep you safe.
That’s a promise from me.
Marco del Rey.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Le review:
So, I didn't see anything special about this poem. It was a rather cliché and boring letter to one's lover about how they should run away together because they're not allowed to be together in public. Right?
Would you personally categorise that as something you want to read? If somebody sent you this letter, would you be particularly thrilled about running away with them? I don't think you would.
Make this emotional! The star-crossed lover dynamic is overused, yes, but it can still be entertaining if executed correctly. Instead of a bland statement of what they plan to do, make this emotional. Make us feel for them, make us want them to be together at last.
With work, this can be good. Right now it seems more like a base than a poem.
Cheers!
-Tori
Thanks for the reviews and for the suggestions!!
Needs a little work, but, okay....
-Kafka
Romeo and Juliet storyline? I haven't read the story. If so, well done expressing it in a few lines, so that I sort of know what's going on
Aside from the first stanza, I would say this is just a little...dry. Of course, you don't want gushy, and I like several of the individual lines, such as the line about keeping her safe, which is sweet, and the Biblical references in the 'abomination' and the 'deadly sins.' (Nice with the using of both of the words there.) But there's a lot of it that's so not descriptive. It's just 'I should hate you. I don't. Let's run away.' Give me some more poem to like!
Doesn't 'must' mean 'it is all we can do'?
The rhyme scheme is also a little weird. It's ABCA, right? ABBA is a little more conventional...?
I like the thought behind it. Very romantic and classical. Where does this fit in the story? Why does he write it? What are they planning?
Mrs.E.D.