Published November 29, 2012
If they ask,
Wide-eyed and stupid is stupid easy,
And I hear coins
Like teeth, hitting the floor,
And whispers hiss between fingers,
As her hand finds a face,
I’ll hide, I’ll watch,
Draw lines in the stalls,
You’re good at stepping,
Pull the next one down,
They all cry,
Try your mother,
She’ll hold your hand,
Dad?
He drinks Drano,
Or
At least he did.
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Hi
I'm not sure I understood this poem entirely, either. I don't know if I'm just not putting some things together or you wrote it intentionally to be something that only you can fully understand. I keep reading it, feeling like I understand the beginning, and then the ending seems to lose the focus that it started with.
I will say that I'm not a fan of the way you wrote those two one-word lines. In my opinion, things like that make the poem choppy and difficult to read, which impedes the reader's ability to understand the poem even further.
It is very stream-of-consciousness, which I think is cool, and I completely agree with shoaib about which pieces of this poem are the strongest. Keep writing, I'd like to read more from you.
-Alex
I didn't fully understand this poem. But I won't judge it at all. What matters is whether writing it made you feel better or not. Sometimes I do the same with my poems, I encrypt things to the point of insanity, yeah.
"And I hear coins
Like teeth, hitting the floor,
And whispers hiss between fingers,
As her hand finds a face."
Loved the imagery for some reason...