All of my life i have longed for the answer,
Of when people criticize others and not give a care,
This is the my meaning i hope it is fair.
What do you mean when you call someone ugly? Do you mean that they can't ever start a family and have no hope for future?
What do you mean when you call someone weird? Do you mean that they should not be unique and not be themselves?
What do you mean when you call someone fat? Do you mean that you are skinny and that they should lose weight?
What do you mean when you call someone four eyes? Do you mean that they see through four eyes and that glasses imitate eyes?
What exactly do you mean because I'm sure that you're not exactly perfect,
Reality is that no ones perfect so be yourself,
not what others want you to be!
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there, Playboy! I'm June, and I'm going to be your instructor/reviewer/critic for the moment. Let's begin, but before I do, I want you to know that I am not trying to be harsh at all with this review, dear, okay?
Let's take a look:
In Poetry, you will find that most people prefer plain text. The italicizing and bold lettering are kind of distracting from the inner meaning of the poem. So! Most people often say that the only place you should use bold font in poetry is in the title; and the only place you should use italics is when you're emphasizing a certain part/aspect, or if you're narrating the poem, and then you raise a thought; the thought would be in italics.
Anyway! Moving on. Let's get to the actual poem, shall we, dear?
• I think that the ending line of this should be have no hope for the future, because in is kind of implying a different idea, dear.
• Loose there should be lose, with one O, dear.
• Your there should be you're; the contraction for you are.
-*-*-
So!
Playboy, this was really eye-opening, and really enjoyable to read. I like how you presented everything, raising awareness line-by-line. Wonderful, wonderful job with that, dearie.
However! This kind of reads more like a beginning to an essay/prose piece more than a poem. I like it, but there isn't much of anything dramatic to his, dear, that makes it poetic.
SO! Add something to contrast and compliment this, dear. Try making it poetic and such; but if you choose to leave it as it is, it's great.
Well done, playboy. If you need any help, feel free to PM me, and welcome to YWS!
June
Just a few semantics things:
Should be:
Should be:
Should be:
You might want to vary up your structure in the beginning when you repeat "What do you mean..?". I know you might have done that intentionally, but if you keep doing that over and over, it makes it overly repetitive and the reader just wants you to get to your point.
Otherwise, good concept, and I love your last line. =)