On Sylvia's Grave.

by plathonstone

Published October 27, 2015

E - Everyone

In Poetry

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On Sylvia's grave I left roses.

I couldn't find tulips.

The roses were coated with thorns
That took pleasure in piercing my fingers
(thumb)

They cut me until I looked like disease.
I am diseased.
(Or so I am told)

I put the roses on Sylvia's grave
In full knowledge that they
Would die.

Like she died,

Like I will die.

Like we all die.

The dirt from her grave stuck with me
Under my fingernails,

Like her death sticks with me.

These fingernails scratch at my skin.
Killing the outside, trying to kill the inside.

On Sylvia's grave I left roses
Because I couldn't find tulips.

I've never liked roses.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review Review · Oct 28, 2015

Hello! :)
This is a very emotional piece! The last line certainly ties it all up - good job with that! :) Now - on with the review!! :D

That took pleasure in piercing my fingers
(thumb)


This may just be me (and just your style as a poet), but I was confused about "thumb" in parentheses. (If I were you, I'd just remove it - but it's your choice)

Like she died,

Like I will die.

Like we all die.


I like this part the best - but I think you should change the last line to future tense like the line coming before it. "Like I will die. /Like we all will die."

Other than that, this was really good! The title is very appropriate! Fantastic job, and keep writing!

~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc.
Stay awesome! ;)

User avatar
RyharTopter
Comment
RyharTopter commented Comment · Oct 28, 2015

This was a little bit too deep, but I really love it. This: "Like she died, Like I will die. Like we all die." gave me a bit of an existential crisis or something like that. I like the use of repetition of the words at the beginning and at the end, and it adds emphasis to that certain stanza. As I said earlier, this was a little too deep, but I really, REALLY love it. I give this a 9 out of 10.

Can I ask what you mean by 'a little bit too deep'?

that "Like she died, Like I will die. Like we all die." it's like when you say something funny to your friend and then he/she replies something that's dark (you know, like death)

It's sometimes like a bad thing, but this time, in your poem it's good. It blends with the other stanzas and it fits really good. :)

User avatar
RyharTopter
Comment
RyharTopter commented Comment · Oct 28, 2015

This was a little bit too deep, but I really love it. This: "Like she died, Like I will die. Like we all die." gave me a bit of an existential crisis or something like that. I like the use of repetition of the words at the beginning and at the end, and it adds emphasis to that certain stanza. As I said earlier, this was a little too deep, but I really, REALLY love it. I give this a 9 out of 10.

User avatar
RyharTopter
Review
RyharTopter wrote a review Review · Oct 28, 2015

This was a little bit too deep, but I really love it. This: "Like she died, Like I will die. Like we all die." gave me a bit of an existential crisis or something like that. I like the use of repetition of the words at the beginning and at the end, and it adds emphasis to that certain stanza. As I said earlier, this was a little too deep, but I really, REALLY love it. I give this a 9 out of 10.



My life, my loves, where are they now?
— Richard Linklater