Young Writers Society

Hello there,

I really like this piece, its short, simple and yet its so connective with the subject. Something that could have been easily lost or forgotten in a short piece, is so visible in this one.

I really like your use of sentence structure, the short sentences just really striking the reader with the image of how the emotions are addictive and yet, so strange to others.

I really like your use of repetition in how you are describing the way they effect you, always starting with "In the way..." Its just really simple, yet very powerful when you look at the two lines together.

Overall I really enjoyed this poem. But I would really like to see you explore a different length as short poems can be really powerful, but longer ones can allow you to explore the issue or subject further.

I am in love with this. It is simple and elegant yet heartfelt and beautiful. This expresses things that so many of us feel daily and it encompasses this feeling well. We, as humans, often struggle with emotions we wish we did not feel. They may feel wrong, and as if they are exposing our inner most thoughts. They make us hate who we are. I have struggled with this. I think that may be why I enjoyed reading this and how the power lingers after you finish.. It's because I understand. The last two lines almost seem out of place, but I get why you put it there. I wish there was something else there, but all in all, good piece. I look forward to reading more in the future!

Hello, plathonstone, and welcome to YWS.

I can understand what you're feeling through this poem, though I do have some things to say about it.

First, though, I will critique it for poetic merit.

Is there a reason you used those one word lines in the middle? A young poet's first instinct is to allow a word that they want to have the most impact on a single line. To give it more punch, you know. Don't fall into this trap. It doesn't give as much weight to the words as you think it does, especially when there are more than one one-word lines. Instead of saying these words, show us how your emotions are these things. Or give us an image that evoke the word.

Instead of naked, you could give us an evocative image that is specific to the narrator and would help readers feel how naked this emotion is. A simile or metaphor would help. You could say something like "naked as dirt as snow melts in spring." Though that could be too postive an image you're looking for. You'd probably want to go the winter route: Naked branches rattle on frigid glass. Something like that. Show us the emotion through images, don't just say that the emotions feel this way.

I am not a fan of your repetition of "In the way" so close together. While repetition is a poetic element, it isn't working well for the poem here because it doesn't seem deliberate. I'm also not sure what it's referring to. You could take them both out and still have a working poem.

You do not have to have punctuation at the end of each line. Try to punctuate it as you would a normal sentence in prose, instead. It will also help you realize where each complete thought ends.

Now onto the content.
This kind of thinking can be very harmful. Romanticizing depression and sadness is something that shouldn't really be done. Harm in any form is not beautiful. Harm leaves jagged gaping holes in people's lives that can't be filled. It's not pretty. It's ugly.

I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy YWSing.

Welcome welcome, to Young Writers Society where you can post whatever as long as it is literary and other people can review it. We all hope that you enjoy your time here and we all would love to hear what words you have to offer us on our literary works.

Review time.

Few words, yet so powerful. Evil truly is beautiful sometimes. You feel your emotions. You know that that they are foreign, hurtful, and probably damaging spiritually. But you are addicted to that pain. You know that they hurt you, you know that you shouldn't feel them, but they distract you. They give you an escape, however excruciating it might be. Instead of a closet, or a circle of friends, or music, or a hot celebrity like Chris Pratt or Emma Stone...you go for pain. You crave it, you...lust for it.

Okay, as for critique, I really like this piece of work, but I felt that there was a lack of fluidity. It did not flow nicely. Where you say "True,/Naked," Maybe place "so" before both of them like you did with "So foreign". And the first line, "I feel my emotions", it seems a little blunt because it is a statement and only a statement. Perhaps you make it seem more alive such as "I feel the soft caress of my emotions" or maybe something different or shorter to make it flow nicer with the rest of the poem.

Anyway, welcome to YWS
I loved the poem and I would love to see it go from good to fantastic.
Have a nice day;)