Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
It's hard, see.
Living and breathing like you mean it.
Like there is a breath that's been caught in your throat
Since the day you realized your future was doomed.
Like saying something might change your life into something worse.
Like writing a damn poem is going to make any difference.
I'm sick of feeling like I'm respponsible
For the happiness of people who don't appreciate it.
Sick of feeling as though the thoughts roaming through my head
Are going to offend someone who controls me.
It's funny to think that I'd ever considered shutting myself up.
Because what are they going to do?
Scold me?
Hurt me?
Write me off?
Give a stern talk to straighten me out?
Not anymore.
I'm not scared
Of my future
Because although I feel doomed
I know
That they don't have
A
Damn
Say
In who I become.
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
Hello PlantLady.
I would like to start by saying I can truly relate to the feelings in this poem. To me, I view this poem as a breaking of metaphorical chains. Chains I know all too well.
1. I don't know who the speaker is talking to, though it hardly matters. I have these talks with myself, these 'discussions' with my parents, these fights with my friends, and these explosions with anybody willing to listen. I can have them out loud where other people respond. I can have them in my head where I am the only one paying attention. I can write them out and burn them later. Who the speaker is talking to doesn't matter. What's most important are the feelings the words evoke. These words are powerful.
2. "I'm sick of feeling like I'm respponsible
For the happiness of people who don't appreciate it."
I one hundred percent agree and relate to these lines. Being a people pleaser is so damn hard. It's who I am, I can't change that. But people don't want to be happy and I take that to heart. They want my help but won't help in return. I say it doesn't matter, but eventually it builds until I am overwhelmingly pessimistic about people and life. In my head, I read these lines and feel all of these emotions again. I am awed that you could move me in so few words to feel the frustration I have bottled up. It takes quite a lot to remove that lid for me, but you have. From what I have read here I believe you have a talent for taking complex emotions and condensing them into small nuggets of raw feelings. I want to encourage you to continue in this way. It is my belief that the fewer the words, the more powerful the meaning.
I think you have something wonderful here. I hope you continue with this piece, or others in the same vein, and I wish you the best of luck.
I look forward to seeing more of your work!
LadyLoki
Hey there plantlady, it's dramamine here to give a quick review so let's dive right in. I think the best poems come from raw, unfiltered thoughts and feelings. That's exactly why I like your poem here. It's real, it's emotional, it's relatable. Though it lacks in imagery and creative word choices but, then again, I don't think this poem calls for that. One actual critique I could make, however, is that it is a little rough around the edges so maybe just cleaning up some lines here and there would be a good idea. Maybe it's better to leave it rough though, so it's up to you. Keep writing and have a great day!
I have always enjoyed poems like this more than poems with some happiness in them so great job! It is truly correct that pain and sadness can make many great creations (which you expressed in your very quick summary). This is relatable (or at least me) to most people on here it seems so I think you have already learned how to reach your target. In all of this no grammar mistakes and a good point so I approve! Have a good day!
~Audrey Kirby
Hey CorruptedArrow here with a review!
I also think about these types of things as well.
This can hit home for people(Me) or it can hit a wall. You make it so that it can relate to others. This is an amazing poem. I believe that you are going in a direction that CAN influence others. There are no grammar mistakes that I can see, and not to many commas in certain places. My work is done. Keep up the writing!