I'm the captain of a ship
Living a lonely life at sea
But when asked whether I have a wife
I answer yes, but she
Is better than any ordinary wife
As faithful as the sea
.
She follows me every day
Slinking behind me
Nipping at my heels
.
On the deck of my ship, she follows me
As I bark orders at my crew
And silently she stands by me
.
She's always been there
A comfort
Following in my footsteps
.
At night I know not where she goes
Whether she stays by my side
Perhaps she leads a secret life
While I'm dreaming of my own
.
Perhaps she steals away
And spends the night with the dolphins
Perhaps they dance and play
Until they say good morning to the moon
.
But I know this cannot be
She's faithful as the steady sea
The only wife I've ever known
My shadow and me
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there! Stor here to review. I really loved the way you described your poem. I don't think I have any nitpicks, but I do have one. But it's not necessary actually.
The sentence might sound better with an is before MY.
The other thing I've noticed is punctuations. You did not put any commas or full stops at the ends.
I also liked the way you described the wife or rather the shadow disappears at night. It's really nice. Overall, your poem is very good. A like from me. Keep writing.
-Stor
This was great. Also, it was very well-done. I like how the Captain's wife is really his shadow. Maybe that has something to do with... well, I can't think of a term to describe it. A Captain spends months at a time at sea, and he may or may not have time to get married. Maybe the Captain is lonely, and his shadow-wife thing makes him complete.
Hey there!
Great poem, very original and clever. It's nice to read a poem like this on this site instead of the usual emo-esque drivel which everyone seems to adore so much!
I loved the way you built up the ending and kept me guessing as to 'what' or 'who' the wife really was - I'll be honest at the start I thought it may have been a pet of sorts when I read the line 'nipping at my heels' but then the night-time talk got me guessing again!
The final line is perfect because it sums the whole poem and leaves the reader satisfied. It's like the final piece of a puzzle or solving a whodunnit
Keep up the good work, I hope you write something similar soon
Beautiful poem!
I loved the part where he questions what she does at night. I was getting the impression that she was one of those stern sort of wives who only lived for their husband. Those lines gave her a much more playful character, which was great.
I'm not really sure how to improve this, but I'm going to suggest this anyway; perhaps you could add some pirate slang? Not to say that you captain is a pirate, so I'll rename that as 'Sea Slang'. But you know, the odd 'ouse instead of house, that sort of thing. It might add a nice touch to it.
Wolfie here!
I really enjoyed your poem. Your topic is original and you carried it out very well!
Did you mean to start a new line after "wife?" Or did you just accidentally capitalize the "A?"
That is all I have found as for errors.
I love that line!!!
Be proud of this poem. Your imagery is great and I noticed several instances where you used alliteration.
This is so sweet and original. Who would have thought of saying "good morning" to the moon? You, of course!
Superb job!
Yes, I meant to start a new line. I actually copy and pasted it from another site I posted it on and I had trouble finding where all of my lines started again.
Hi pjkio03; this is Sherri!
So... wow. This is really good! Toward the middle of the poem, I got this feeling it wasn't going to end how I thought it was, but this definitely surprised me. For the most part you balanced the lines and stanzas pretty well, but I would suggest shortening or possibly dividing the last two lines in the first stanza. They're almost twice as long as the two lines before them, and it sets the flow off-balance. The last line in the last stanza is also slightly short, but that's pretty minor. Other than that, there were no errors that I could see.
But seriously! That idea is really interesting; a new take on the idea of 'my shadow is my friend'. I love what you did with it, and how you included imagery and concepts concerning the sea. So, again, this is really good! I can't wait to see what else you write