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Eunoia - Poem

by piyaliarchives


Author's note:

Hello there! 

I have been trying to get into poetry again, and it will be wonderful if you would give feedback :)

Thanks


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116 Reviews


Points: 9465
Reviews: 116

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Wed Dec 23, 2020 5:23 am
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ChrisCalaid wrote a review...



Hello there! I'm here for a review as requested. But before that, I just wanted to say that I love this poem and I think it's really unique. I enjoyed reading this poem and I think it's well written with an intriguing title. I like the rhythm in the first and second stanzas but I do have a word to say about it.

There ability to save lives is zero
but they can play dauntless hero"


I really like this part but I don't think they have absolutely no ability to save lives...
Just a little thing I thought...

A write has a thousand jobs,
playing the role of different odds
Sometimes of a patient mediator,
or fighting monsters with swords


I agree with @aooborromeo I think you should use punctuations to emphasize or mark the ending of a section or sentence.

They can manipulate water to water bend,
also perform as a reliable best friend
But how do they do all this?
They play the simple act of pretend


I think the first stanza of the quoted part (above) is a bit wordy.
You can just say "water to bend". I don't know if you are using a "water bend" from an anime or something like that, so I thought it could be better this way.

I don't think you necessarily need "also" here. I suggest you remove it, but if you rather not then I specifically suggest you use a comma after "also".

"They play the simple act of pretend" I like the way you wrote this out, in an odd way, it's strange yet unique. Although it's a poem I suggest you write it out as "They play the simple act of pretending". When a proposition is followed by a verb right away, the verb needs to be in the gerund form.

Thank you for requesting, plz tell me if you need something to be reviewed.
Keep on writing!
~Chris

Will Review For Free






Thank you @ChrisCalaid for the review!



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27 Reviews


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Tue Dec 22, 2020 5:14 pm
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aooborromeo wrote a review...



Lovely to read out loud. The title is very unique, and pleasing to pronounce. I love writers who use one word titles (especially if the word is that interesting). I like the comparison and juxtaposition that comes in "Their ability to save is zero, but they can play the dauntless hero." As well as "sometimes of a patient mediator, or fighting monsters with swords."

A few things I would like are your grammar, specifically your punctuation. I oftentimes don't use punctuation unless to make a specific point with poetry in particular; since I write abstract absurdist, and nonsense poems. In this case, however, the need for periods at the ends of some of the sentences, might give it a bit more structure and emphasis on the points you are making.

The theme of the poem in general is very open ended so there are many ways you could have gone with it, but I like the way you chose. It's great though that you kept it short and sweet. From experience, sometimes when you really enjoy a topic like this, it's easy to get run off stanzas and it could take away from the beauty of the writing. Great that you didn't follow that rabbit. The symbolism in general, regarding a writer's role is very relatable and will resonate well with many people.

Lovely work! Hope you keep writing more poems.






Thank you @aooborromeo for your kind review! I will definitely pay attention to my punctuation from now on:)



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Mon Dec 21, 2020 11:58 am
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ThemagicalEbonyFox wrote a review...



Hello Piyali!
This is Ebony here, trying to get back into reviewing.
So, firstly I love the whole aesthetic of this piece! It's so pretty, and Eunoia is such a good word. There's a lot of interesting pop culture references in here which I also like. I think it makes your poem really accessible to the demographic of this website, which is who I'm assumed this is aimed at. Also, the juxtaposition between the "patient mediator" and "fighting monsters with swords" is really effective.

Do you read your poetry aloud whilst you write it/when you've finished it? I find that really helps me, and if you're getting back into poetry it may be useful to do that.
The rhyme scheme you have here is very solid, and I like the fact that you're taking a poem with a more abstract theme and using the structure to ground it.

One thing I would like to address is your punctuation. All of the lines in this poem seem to be end stopped, so ideally you should include a piece of punctuation at the end of every line. At the end of each quatrain, since you have concluded your idea, you should have a full stop.

I also have a couple questions:

A writer has a thousand jobs, playing the roles of different odds

What exactly do you mean by this? I'm not really sure.

They play the simple act of pretend

This bit seems to be phrased a bit oddly. Perhaps you could change it a little. "They're simply good at playing pretend", maybe, or something similar.

Apart from that I think this is great! You haven't made the language too fruity which allows the key images to stand out.
If you're trying to write more poetry generally, you could experiment with different forms. Some forms tend to require a different amount of syllables per line, and this allows you to play around with rhythm. That's only a suggestion though.

Lovely poem, hopefully I'll see you around. Keep writing!
Best wishes,
Ebony.






Thank you so much @ThemagicalEbonyFox !
I tried to get the whole aesthetic as I was also going to post this on Instagram :) And yeah the first two lines should be changed since people aren't clear about it. The substitute for the last line you wrote seems pretty good, I am gonna add it.
Anyway, thanks :) My family doesn't have writers so I needed critiques online. Really appreciate it!





Awww you're welcome!




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