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I'm F.I.N.E.

by pinkpuppies06

Going through a struggle that feels so unreal.

Too many emotions that I feel.

Too many thoughts in my head.

Sometimes I wish I was dead.

I have never been the type to plaster a fake smile.

Wish the happiness would take off its coat and maybe stay for a while.

 I get too attached wishing people would do the same.

So when you walk away I am the one to blame.

 Everything negative you said I took to heart.

Adding to why I am falling apart. +

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25 Reviews

Points: 1085
Reviews: 25

Wed Mar 25, 2020 6:56 am
sulagna wrote a review...

Hey ! hi
I loved Your poem . it is so amazing specially the line , " wish the happiness would take off its coat..." its an amazing line and has a wonderful meaning . You are an inspiration for writing .
Some poems have deep meanings but do not rhyme lines but urs was totally different.
I loved ur way of writing . Keep writing .From Sulagna...

Thank you so much

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Points: 64
Reviews: 1

Fri Mar 20, 2020 1:47 pm
unikittie says...

Amazing poem. well done. just wow.

Thank you

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373 Reviews

Points: 46106
Reviews: 373

Fri Mar 20, 2020 5:11 am
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PrincessInk wrote a review...

hello pinkpuppies and welcome to YWS! your avvie is the cutest.

It's my first review of the year and I'm rusty so please bear with me ;)

If you're experiencing this/writing this poem to vent, I'm really sorry about it <3 so please disregard my review if it's that case and take care <3 If you are looking for some advice, though, keep on reading :D

I like the rhyme here! It feels quite natural and I also think that your poem would do nicely as lyrics :) I don't know much about pop songs in general though so perhaps though so take the provincial grain of salt. one thing that bothered me a bit though was how there were periods at the end of every line. It made every line sound a bit choppy, and I was hoping for a bit more natural punctuation/more flow that "joins" the lines together more fluidly.

That said, my fave line was here:

Wish the happiness would take off its coat and maybe stay for a while.

I think I like this because it puts something concrete in my mind. I like it! I feel and relate to it so much. Especially given covid-19, it's harder to stay happy throughout the day. I wish happiness would stick with me! Anyway, another thing I liked about it was how I can get a glimpse of your poet voice behind it, the one you can find after writing and reading more poems and honing your skill. I think you can improve your poem by adding stronger images to it :)

You can always talk to me via PM or wall if you need something!


thank you so much I loved your critism

PrincessInk says...

you're welcome <3

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39 Reviews

Points: 3073
Reviews: 39

Fri Mar 20, 2020 4:55 am
ChrisDixon wrote a review...

Hey pinkpuppies06. I am here for a short review. And to give you some suggestions.

Let's jump in!

First of all it's really is an amazing poem, and all the things I'm saying is just suggestions.

You know when people write poem they us commas instand of periods. So I think it might me better if you use commas. The main thing of poem that it's stanza is short connected with commas. Which makes the readers keep reading, and make them not notice how long it is.

Another thing is that in poem there is always a strange texter that brings the to read it. Lots of things make creates that texter. But the main things are descriptive words, and building a frame, than adding more expanation after that. So I recommand that you should use more illustration.

(Sorry. I didn't plan to write this long)

Hey, but this poem has really good rhythm words that pushes the reader to keeep on reading. Also lots of stanza shows or discribes feeling. As a person who used to and is feeling this emotion, this poem tells me that I'm not the only one.

In the second and third stanza you repeated one phrase at the other. So instand of writing "Too many", you could write "Too much". You used "Unreal", in the first stanza. But as I said in the above, maybe you should try other kind of word with more description. It makes a upright rhythm. However, I think suggest you chaning that part. Above all beautiful, and I quite enjoyed reading it.

Thank you

<Keep on writing


thank you for the advice

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54 Reviews

Points: 1261
Reviews: 54

Fri Mar 20, 2020 1:52 am
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BhavyaMehta123 says...

Hi@pinkpuppies06. Welcome to YWS. This is not exactly a review because I am not that good at reviewing poems.I am sorry I cannot tell you what is technically wrong and right. But as a 16 Year old who too once in life used to feel the same emotions as this poem tells. The thoughts were exactly the same. I could relate to it . You will make your own way and everything will fall in place. Trust me, you will come out as a bold and beautiful personality. All those difficult times will help you grow in life.
Personally, I loved reading it .
From: Bhavya

Thank you for your comment it really gave me hope

I am so glad that my comment brought light and hope in your life.

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?
— George Wallace